SoberNotMature - Episode 181 (Bells Will Be Ringing)

00:00:01.75
blindala
Alright everyone, welcome once again to another episode of Sober Not Mature. And, uh, hey Mike, how are you?

00:00:09.90
Mike
Yeah. Yeah.

00:00:12.73
blindala
How how are how are you today?

00:00:15.51
Mike
I'm okay. How are you?

00:00:17.28
blindala
ah You know what, I'm i'm doing good.

00:00:17.29
Mike
okay

00:00:19.46
blindala
What's new, Mike?

00:00:20.87
Mike
ah You know, not much. Same old shit. yeah yeah

00:00:23.89
blindala
Okay, I just wondered, I didn't know if anything new popped up recently, but hey, you know what, same old shit, different day, right?

00:00:29.73
Mike
Right.

00:00:29.75
blindala
but

00:00:30.45
Mike
Well, I believe what you're alluding to.

00:00:34.51
blindala
ah

00:00:34.95
Mike
yeah

00:00:35.73
blindala
This was my smooth lead-in that I was just talking about.

00:00:37.70
Mike
Right.

00:00:38.37
blindala
So fucking smooth, isn't it?

00:00:38.74
Mike
yeah It is. hey Like, goose shit. um yeah Right. ah Anyway, yes. i Chris and I, my long-term...

00:00:51.53
Mike
I can't call her my girlfriend anymore. Now I have to call her my fiancé.

00:00:57.57
blindala
Awesome.

00:00:58.42
Mike
Yes,

00:00:58.48
blindala
Awesome, awesome, awesome.

00:00:59.72
Mike
Yes. OK, so a little background, whatever. ah Actually, today, August nine is the 9th or August 6th. Jesus Christ.

00:01:10.38
Mike
Yeah. Numbers. Math is hard. Um,

00:01:13.31
blindala
yeah yeah

00:01:15.54
Mike
August 6th, um, nine years ago, ah Chris and I went on our first date. It was the first time we met each other in person. We had been, you know, doing some online stuff. We met on Tinder as some of you know, um,

00:01:31.95
Mike
Anyway, yeah, so it was ah our first date, blah, blah, blah. we consider this our anniversary. um And so happy anniversary, baby. All right.

00:01:41.29
blindala
ha

00:01:41.45
Mike
um And yeah, a couple months ago, were, as you know, we talked about, we go to Port Clinton. um We have for the past several years um for our anniversary. We went this weekend. We can talk about that later.

00:01:55.31
Mike
oh And ah yeah, so we were like laying in bed one Sunday. and And she was like, you know, well, we should do something that's special for our 10th anniversary.

00:02:07.87
Mike
And she brought up, we should go to Vegas and get married. And I'm like, and I looked at her and said, well, that'll certainly simplify things when I drop dead on top of you.

00:02:11.32
blindala
but

00:02:19.85
Mike
And she said, yeah. ah So, you know, we started talking about it, whatever. And, um, and, uh, we decided that really Vegas, like, wasn't our vibe.

00:02:31.19
Mike
Um, so, uh, her and her eldest son had gone to Salem, Massachusetts a year or so ago. And, uh, we decided that would probably be a very cool place for us to go and get hitched.

00:02:45.42
Mike
So that's what we're going to do a year from today, 365 days. Um, actually right now, um, yeah, what seven, whatever at night, seven 16 in the PM.

00:02:57.76
Mike
Um, yes, we will be married, uh, at this time, 365 days from now

00:03:06.54
blindala
Well, you know, when you started off with the August 9th, because, you know, we usually release our episode on on Saturday, and I'm like, wait a second.

00:03:12.02
Mike
Right.

00:03:12.70
blindala
I'm like, okay, whatever whatever he wants to do again. I told Mike to begin with when, you know, obviously, yeah I mean, i he had mentioned this to me, i don't know, a couple of months ago, whatever it was, after you guys were We're talking about it. It was, you know, sooner or later, obviously, knew it would get brought up on here. But, you know, um you know, I saw it on Facebook and I asked him, obviously, right before we started, I'm like, are you cool to talk about it? It's it's his deal, man.

00:03:34.23
blindala
Well, their deal.

00:03:34.35
Mike
It's my deal, Wade. Our deal, Wade.

00:03:35.73
blindala
Yeah, their their deal. It's our their deal, Wade. Hello, Chris. And congratulations to you, Chris. I'll see I'll see Chris this weekend so I can I can say it in person.

00:03:43.57
Mike
You will.

00:03:44.35
blindala
But yeah. But yeah, you know, I'm just like, hey, whatever, you know, it's it's your story, you know, and i love I love the whole fact of, because I'm going to give you the, whenever ah everything settles down in here, I'll give you ah little recap of my dating life, a more recent thing that happened on a dating app.

00:03:49.77
Mike
Right.

00:04:02.47
blindala
So Mike and I, I mean, we're we're kind of polar opposites in a lot of ways, visually, um not really background, sort of kind of where we came from.

00:04:10.84
Mike
Well,

00:04:11.08
blindala
um, very alike how we got here, you know, sort of, you know, we, the problem part of it and, you know, alike from, you know, 15 years ago till today, but, you know, we've had very different experiences with dating apps and, and he just had ah clearly, I mean, he's about, you know, he's been with this, with this fine young lady for, you know, nine years and about to get married in about, you know, in a year.

00:04:14.24
Mike
absolutely.

00:04:22.69
Mike
Sure. and see Right?

00:04:32.03
blindala
um and they met on fucking Tinder, you know, and, um,

00:04:34.43
Mike
We did.

00:04:37.31
blindala
So, yeah, I just had I had one that popped up the other day. Maybe it was even today. don't know what it was, but.

00:04:40.78
Mike
And I have to point out that it was like the only one that I matched and had communication with and and whatever. yeah it worked. First time. Kind of like your sobriety.

00:04:49.53
blindala
You were. a

00:04:50.43
Mike
Yes. Yeah. Slip anyway. Hey.

00:04:53.22
blindala
yeah I was just going to say, so you get you got a you're a first timer on that. So I'm a fucking kind i'm I'm like, ah am I a dating app relapser? I think I am.

00:05:00.02
Mike
ah yeah but slip anyway

00:05:04.86
blindala
Yeah, so I've slipped.

00:05:05.59
Mike
a

00:05:07.35
blindala
I've slipped a few times, you know.

00:05:08.63
Mike
I'm sure you have.

00:05:08.79
blindala
yeah ah But no, I mean, I do. i it just It was kind of funny, this thing that happened the other day, but I'll talk about it a little bit. But um but yeah, I mean, the i love um I love your entire story, the two of you guys.

00:05:19.66
Mike
Um.

00:05:21.22
blindala
I really do.

00:05:21.61
Mike
Oh, I believe I lost Bill.

00:05:25.26
blindala
Can you hear me or no?

00:05:25.82
Mike
Let's see if he comes back. Because his little sound line dead-ass flat. And...

00:05:32.43
blindala
Can you hear me or no?

00:05:34.25
Mike
Yeah. Okay. All right.

00:05:36.15
blindala
Can you hear me or no?

00:05:37.23
Mike
Um. Let me grab my little phone here and shoot him a text. And let's see what happens, shall we?

00:05:45.81
blindala
Can you hear me or no?

00:05:48.89
Mike
disappeared.

00:05:54.05
blindala
Well, I'm going to keep on talking here because this will end up being on the recording, but I'm getting a low connection to server error.

00:05:54.37
Mike
And now it's showing offline. So I'm going to sit here and ramble a little bit and see if he can get back on here if we're going to start over.

00:06:02.93
blindala
And Mike is texting me.

00:06:03.57
Mike
Hmm...

00:06:06.79
Mike
Bad omen? I don't fucking think so.

00:06:07.78
blindala
I'm going voice text this because this will be fun.

00:06:11.87
Mike
ah Let's see.

00:06:12.94
blindala
Yeah, I lost my connection somehow.

00:06:14.92
Mike
la.

00:06:15.10
blindala
I'm trying to get reconnected again.

00:06:15.20
Mike
la la Yeah, this is...

00:06:16.96
blindala
Hold on. All

00:06:17.62
Mike
um I'm going to go ahead and say we're going to to start over. Let me...

00:06:22.52
blindala
right, let's just take a peek here.

00:06:23.45
Mike
Yeah, he lost his...

00:06:26.43
blindala
um

00:06:26.44
Mike
Whoa, hang on there. No, not that. Stupid phone.

00:06:29.86
blindala
All right, I think I'm going to just stop the recording.

00:06:30.34
Mike
Yeah, i lost my connection. Trying to reconnect. Let's see. i'm Vamping. Poorly. Vamping.

00:06:44.54
blindala
I can't even stop the recording.

00:06:49.00
blindala
Oh boy.

00:06:53.20
blindala
Well, let's just see here. Let's see if I can do anything.

00:07:06.00
blindala
One more second here.

00:07:06.44
Mike
And I can't text and talk at the same time, apparently. And he's still offline and poorly.

00:07:18.53
Mike
I've got a feeling he's going to cut most of this out. Maybe not. um i mean, I don't want to get too deep. I could continue to tell my story, um which would probably be nice without him on here.

00:07:30.89
Mike
But... I don't know going have to start over and I'm not going to waste it because we all know how I feel about burning calories on nonsense. Let's see here. Told me to refresh, which I'm trying to do. Are you still connected? Yes, I am.

00:07:51.22
Mike
la la.

00:07:54.40
Mike
So anyway, um how are you all doing out there today? Sober? Happy, joyous, and free? i know I am.

00:08:06.03
Mike
Oh, good Lord. oh You know, this is why this is a wonderful example of why we do do these things alone, because I really don't like doing this without a partner in this.

00:08:17.93
Mike
Know what I mean, kids? ah Here's another text. Let's see what he says. ah Problem right now is I can't even end the recording because I don't have a connection, but give me a minute.

00:08:29.20
Mike
Well, all right.

00:08:32.66
Mike
ah I'm still talking. Sort of

00:08:42.93
Mike
Let's see what happens next. Please stand by. We're having some technical difficulties. Wow. um No, I just got a laughing emoji from him.

00:08:53.51
Mike
Okay.

00:08:57.82
Mike
Oh, this is awful. I do apologize to all of you who are actually listening to this nonsense. I'm going to take a sip of my tea just one moment.

00:09:11.45
Mike
Ah, refreshing. All right. um Bill is still trying to reconnect. He can't even end the recording because... He's not connected and he runs this stuff.

00:09:24.91
Mike
Yeah, clearly the internet went out here. I'm going to try to restart the router. oh boy. um And now he's calling me. Let me put him on speaker. Hi, Bill. Yeah, it was just good see I put me on speaker and then, you know what, literally I lost my internet connection.

00:09:44.41
Mike
So I just restarted the browser. and Let's see, because the problem is, am in speaker? Yeah, you are. You're into my microphone.

00:09:53.33
Mike
The problem is, is that I can't even stop the recording because i have no connection. I just mentioned that. Yeah. So, um, I was in there talking on my end for a minute and then, uh, we can do the whole podcast like this.

00:10:06.33
Mike
ah yeah. Let's go back to the, back to the fucking old days. Right. Right. Um, hopefully it will, it will reconnect. I mean, I just, I just restarted, but yeah, it was weird. I mean, when you said my voice was going out, i'm looking at mine. I'm like, everything looks fine on my end. And then, yeah, it didn't look fine after that. All right. You can't even like on on your end, you can't even, you can't stop the recording. Can you?

00:10:30.26
Mike
No, no, no.

00:10:36.09
Mike
yeah That's just kind of funny. I'm sitting there watching it. It looks like it's trying to connect, but yeah, I won't don't know what the fuck happened. That just fucking figures. he Well, I guess the only good thing is, is it at least it, well, i don't know. Is it better to go out now or when I'm working? I suppose probably probably now. but Sure.

00:10:53.97
Mike
But yeah, so i don't know. So what what were we what were we yammering about? think I'm coming back. Uh-oh. Look out. Hang on. Let's see what kind of crazy feedback we get if you come back on there.

00:11:08.61
Mike
Yeah, hold on. Let's see here. You vamp. I've already been doing it for three minutes.

00:11:17.65
Mike
i just put I just put you on speaker to see if if I can even get back in here. It looks like I'm not hard-wired yet. um It looks like the Wi-Fi maybe came back up. You said hard.

00:11:32.26
Mike
Hard. Hard. Yeah, it looks like the Wi-Fi tries to come back up and then seeing it's connected to Wi-Fi, this is fucking stupid.

00:11:43.70
Mike
All right, then. This is some fabulous entertainment for all you people out there.

00:11:51.86
Mike
Yeah, it's just, a i don't I don't fucking know. Technology. ye um Yeah, still, it's on my computer showing. Oh, no, it says connecting. Oh, I think I'm connected now. Hang on.

00:12:04.17
Mike
Alright, we're standing by. Hang on. Yeah, let me try to get back into the studio. Right.

00:12:23.49
Mike
See, we told you people we didn't edit shit out. No, yeah, and we're we're this isn't this is not getting edited. I'm just to see

00:12:33.30
Mike
see if i can connect through the link that i send to you

00:12:42.73
Mike
And then you're back. Yep. All right. Hang up. Wait a can you Can you hear me through the headphones?

00:12:50.66
blindala
Okay, wait. can you Can you hear me through the headphones?

00:12:53.45
Mike
Yeah.

00:12:54.23
blindala
Okay, I'm hanging up.

00:12:54.80
Mike
Okay. I'm hanging up.

00:12:58.00
blindala
All right, so... um i

00:12:59.92
Mike
Hey, Bill's back.

00:13:02.46
blindala
just how yeah yeah As far as I can tell, I've only been talking for 23 seconds, so are we good?

00:13:08.37
Mike
Uh, yeah, we're good.

00:13:09.18
blindala
we

00:13:09.28
Mike
We're at, uh, um,

00:13:09.65
blindala
Do we start yet? Okay.

00:13:12.88
Mike
We're at minutes and seconds.

00:13:16.35
blindala
Okay, well, you can be the timekeeper for when we want to go on when we want to go on break. but um And actually, when we want end the episode, I'll end up running in another 13 minutes if it goes by my brain.

00:13:20.39
Mike
right

00:13:26.50
blindala
So, yeah, whatever that was.

00:13:26.52
Mike
ahha

00:13:27.94
blindala
here So here' here's the funny part.

00:13:28.09
Mike
yeah

00:13:29.70
blindala
So i was taught I kept on talking, and then you, so you filled time, huh? um um You know what?

00:13:33.24
Mike
i I guess. I mean, yeah, whatever. Well, I did something.

00:13:35.38
blindala
Yeah.

00:13:37.78
Mike
There was a couple of dead spots while I was trying to text you. And yeah, you know, I hummed. You know, there's I tried to keep sound going. Yeah.

00:13:46.91
blindala
No, and you know what? I'm proud of you because I know you don't like to and don't know i know you don't like to to do a solo thing at any point done on here.

00:13:49.73
Mike
ah

00:13:53.71
Mike
Right. I actually talked about that.

00:13:54.87
blindala
So, did you really?

00:13:55.87
Mike
i said I said, see, this is a great example of why we can't do these things by ourselves.

00:13:58.36
blindala
yeah

00:14:02.92
blindala
Well, and you know that the funny part too is that I have in, you know, it's been clear and, you know, i've we've made it clear. I've made it clear. I have no issue whatsoever. I literally can have a conversation in an empty room.

00:14:14.44
blindala
But, you know, if anyone wants to go back and hear me be uncomfortable talking, um go back to my episode.

00:14:14.43
Mike
Right.

00:14:18.89
Mike
thinkce

00:14:21.23
blindala
Episode was I one? Yeah, it was episode one.

00:14:23.95
Mike
yeah

00:14:24.18
blindala
And then we did. Yeah. And then you were three. So go back to episode one. It's like 20 minutes or maybe 30 minutes because I think I filled in with a story, whatever it was. But um I sound like somebody from NPR and I sound uncomfortable because I you know, the the the thing of it is, is that, you know, I think what we were talking about is how different, you know, Mike and I are in a lot of ways, but how similar we are.

00:14:43.42
Mike
Yes, we were. Yes, look at you.

00:14:45.73
blindala
It just kind of popped into my head because the the funny part is is that you and I, and we've talked about this, and i um'm I'm proud of the fact of how well we we play off of each other with this with this podcast.

00:14:58.75
Mike
Sure.

00:14:59.07
blindala
And it seems, not even seems, it is natural. And to begin with, we used to talk over each other because the audio was so bad.

00:15:06.86
Mike
Right.

00:15:07.00
blindala
And very rarely, I'll hear bits and pieces. It's probably one out of every seven episodes when one of us really talks over the other. But usually when one talks, it's kind of, I, the other one knows it's like, okay, let's, let's shut up now.

00:15:20.04
blindala
And the other one, the other one's speaking never, never.

00:15:22.98
Mike
right yeah we Hey, let's talk over each other right now. I was about to say, yes, we we've got our rhythms down, and in there but as I was doing that, we talked over each other.

00:15:35.98
blindala
yeah Perfect.

00:15:36.07
Mike
Beautiful.

00:15:37.15
blindala
Perfect example. But I mean, I don't think we've ever had to say to each other, you know, shut the fuck up. I'm trying to make a point. but

00:15:43.11
Mike
Right, not on this anyway.

00:15:44.87
blindala
Yeah, exactly.

00:15:45.08
Mike
Hehehehe.

00:15:45.75
blindala
Exactly. It hasn't been on this. But um so, see, let's just jump back into this thing, because first of all, I want to say again that I, ah number one, I'm happy for you, too.

00:15:55.79
Mike
Well, thank you.

00:15:56.22
blindala
um Obviously, congratulations.

00:15:56.79
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:15:57.86
blindala
I knew about it and all that stuff, but it doesn't matter. Like I told Mike, seeing it on Facebook. you know, seeing it out there and just on, again, on Facebook or whatever, it's, it's nice.

00:16:05.67
Mike
Right.

00:16:06.74
blindala
And you guys have such a, you guys have a really good relationship, speaking of relationships. And I love the story.

00:16:12.53
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:16:13.62
blindala
I love that, how you guys interact with each other, all those things. I mean, it's a, you guys are a, you guys are a wonderful example of um what a decent relationship can be and should be.

00:16:24.51
blindala
And what, and I think what people, you know, could look for and and strive for, not just, you know, every day in sobriety type of thing, but,

00:16:31.71
Mike
Right.

00:16:32.53
blindala
you know, just everyday fucking normal people. So, um, I, I do, I, I'm happy for you guys, but, um, I do, I, I value as both of you guys as individuals, but, um, I, I look at your relationship in a, in a very good way.

00:16:34.52
Mike
Yeah.

00:16:45.09
blindala
I really do. I always have. So, yeah.

00:16:46.29
Mike
Well, that's sweet. Thank you. Thank you. I mean, it's it's one of the things we're proud of it. I mean, we've had bumps, you know, Christ, we're human, whatever. But I mean, we've never yelled at each other. We don't never called each other names. We, you know, none of that bullshit.

00:17:01.69
Mike
um I think part of that, i well, I know a huge part of that is, you know, the program for me, um you know, but it's also, you know, I think age and experience and and just, you know, we're like why, you know, for me personally, I mean, I've talked about it in so many aspects on this thing about how, you know,

00:17:06.14
blindala
ah Right.

00:17:21.76
Mike
I'm not wasting my time. in And I, you know, I have, I wasted a lot of my life and I'm not wasting any more of it. And a big part of that is I'm not going to be in any kind of relationship where there's conflict and, and hate and hurt and pain. And you know, what, why?

00:17:41.36
Mike
i mean, I, I look at people out there in the world and and it's like, what the fuck are you doing with each other?

00:17:41.49
blindala
Right.

00:17:47.30
Mike
But we love each other.

00:17:47.63
blindala
but Right.

00:17:48.50
Mike
but Fucking clearly you don't.

00:17:53.25
Mike
You know, so yes, we're, we're, um, um I am very proud of the fact, and I know Chris is too, that we've never argued. We don't yell at each other. we just We work shit out. If there's a problem, we took a break. We're honest about it. but right Right before the pandemic, we we split up for about three months. um you know Our our power pal Angel, she said, we can't ever break up again because look what happened.

00:18:21.19
Mike
you know The world shut down. okay I mean, it was literally like a week before our fucking everything shut down and that we we separated for that little bit of time.

00:18:31.71
Mike
um So, yeah. and So we have to stay together for the for the good of the world.

00:18:37.28
blindala
Right.

00:18:38.00
Mike
Right. Yes.

00:18:40.08
blindala
Yeah. Whatever, whatever helps to keep your narcissistic brain sleeping at night.

00:18:43.61
Mike
Isn't it beautiful? Yeah.

00:18:45.58
blindala
Literally the world revolved around you and stopped.

00:18:48.11
Mike
yes

00:18:48.26
blindala
and That's fucking, that's fucking awesome.

00:18:49.65
Mike
isn't it beautiful

00:18:52.37
blindala
Yeah. I mean, it it's just, it just really, it just really is. And you know what? And I joke about the fact that, um, you know, dating apps and stuff like that, I haven't had a ton of luck, but um You know, I've had I've had relationships and I'll talk about that. Like I said, I just got this funny story, but just in general, I've had relationships with people, um nothing solid, nothing you know committed long term.

00:19:13.54
blindala
I've hung around with people for over a period of time.

00:19:13.58
Mike
Right.

00:19:16.31
Mike
Right.

00:19:16.33
blindala
But the thing of it is, and I decided. I don't know, probably when I was, I'm probably five years sober and it took me a little bit, maybe until I was even seven, eight, nine years sober to really kind of settle into myself.

00:19:28.64
blindala
Um, you know, but I decided that I'm not going to settle and I don't want anyone else to settle either because that just doesn't work.

00:19:34.69
Mike
who

00:19:36.50
blindala
You know, um, I've had a, I've had a few, probably three that I can think of where I was really into somebody, but it didn't work, you know?

00:19:37.08
Mike
Right.

00:19:43.83
Mike
Yeah.

00:19:44.16
blindala
Or maybe it never came to be as far as a relationship, you know? I mean, and and I think that was the other way around where people were into me, but it didn't, it it just wasn't there because I just don't, like you said,

00:19:56.57
blindala
in a relationship where things aren't right. I want everything.

00:19:58.91
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:19:59.09
blindala
I want fucking everything for me to settle down with somebody. And I don't think that's too much to ask in a relationship to have everything, you know, to be able to be, to be happy, um to be content with somebody.

00:20:06.32
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:20:10.36
blindala
I mean, clearly to love somebody where the sex is wonderful.

00:20:12.66
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:20:13.68
blindala
All these things matter, you know, and why should there be a piece?

00:20:15.88
Mike
Right.

00:20:18.03
blindala
I don't settle for a piece of my life being on a place right now, you know, Why should I settle for a relationship like that being out of place?

00:20:25.21
Mike
Absolutely.

00:20:25.44
blindala
There's just, there's no fucking reason for it, you know?

00:20:27.08
Mike
Right. Yeah. Again, wasting calories, man.

00:20:32.22
blindala
Right.

00:20:33.22
Mike
yo

00:20:34.86
blindala
Yeah. So, but anyhow, I mean, the, in.

00:20:36.11
Mike
And actually, on that note, I should point out that when we were having that initial discussion, um she she did look at me and goes, you know, we're still not living together, right? And I went, yeah, of course not. Right.

00:20:48.46
blindala
Yeah, well, here here's the other thought that I had, you know, kind of a while ago when when i I think probably after you had mentioned that to me, and I don't think I had a chance to say it to you.

00:20:56.82
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:20:56.88
blindala
So, you know, no ill will to you. You've got your you've got your noisy neighbors, then do you have your nice neighbor who you do stuff for.

00:21:01.46
Mike
right you

00:21:02.60
blindala
um You know, if she ever gets to the point where she doesn't want to be in her house anymore, you just have Chris sell her house. Chris can buy that house. She can fill it up with fucking cats. And then just what you need to do is then just build a skywalk between the bedrooms, you know, and then...

00:21:15.71
Mike
Right.

00:21:16.52
blindala
well When you need to knock a piece off, you don't have to walk outside.

00:21:19.94
Mike
he

00:21:20.33
blindala
shes You're there, or she's there, and you know hey.

00:21:22.66
Mike
Right. yeah Or a tunnel. You know, we're more ground dwellers, so...

00:21:28.10
blindala
Well, I'm trying to think. I was going to say a tunnel would be to say a tunnel would be harder, but that but would it be?

00:21:30.04
Mike
Connecting dungeons.

00:21:34.18
blindala
you know i mean to Yeah, to to build a you know a skywalk would probably be worse because it's...

00:21:34.45
Mike
Would it? Yeah.

00:21:38.08
Mike
Right. I can i could dig a hole much easier than I can build a platform.

00:21:44.99
blindala
Get some of our, you know, you know now reformed, up you know, drug buddies that, you know, if they've ever, if they know somebody that used to run drugs, they could dig a good hole. Shit, we know how many people do we know in the trades.

00:21:55.48
blindala
good

00:21:55.90
Mike
but Absolutely.

00:21:55.98
blindala
You fuckers could dig a hole.

00:21:57.58
Mike
Yeah.

00:22:00.00
blindala
yeah That's a better idea. A goddamn tunnel. Okay, perfect.

00:22:03.20
Mike
Yeah.

00:22:03.42
blindala
and Concepts there. It's just a tunnel rather than a skywalk. I like that even better, though.

00:22:07.57
Mike
Sure.

00:22:08.13
blindala
Yeah. Going down into the tunnel to get me some. Yeah. ah But no, seriously, I mean, it's, I don't know, i'm happy. i'm I'm happy for you guys.

00:22:18.72
blindala
And obviously we get to hang out this weekend and and I'll see a bunch of people.

00:22:21.36
Mike
yeah we will all

00:22:23.29
blindala
And, you know, we'll talk about that in a little bit too. Obviously at some point we got ah maybe get to the reading. yeah But yeah, we got, we got bunches of shit going on. I got, I got a couple of things I have on here.

00:22:33.72
blindala
i You know, I still have, I'm down to, down to three sheets again. I got a couple of things that I kind of made notes on from this week, but yeah,

00:22:36.62
Mike
yeah all right not to the wind though

00:22:40.14
blindala
and No, no. down to Down to three pieces of printed printed paper.

00:22:47.09
blindala
But yeah, so um so anyhow, yeah, I don't know. i I can't, I can't, I don't know what else to say except for continue to say congratulations.

00:22:52.32
Mike
right well thank you

00:22:53.90
blindala
I mean, it's just, um I was going to say I'm not beside myself or anything like that. I just, it's, I'm happy about it. I really am. It's great.

00:23:00.71
Mike
yeah me too thank you yes

00:23:02.22
blindala
Yeah. Oh, last thing. In a perfect, perfect place. I mean, you know, fucking Salem, that's that's perfect.

00:23:07.70
Mike
Right. Honestly, we looked into the Satanic Temple there and it was, yeah, but I mean, it's there.

00:23:12.50
blindala
yeah

00:23:15.32
Mike
and But it was too expensive for what they offered. We're like, fuck that shit. You know, it was it was like only seven people and you only got a half an hour.

00:23:21.31
blindala
Right.

00:23:25.35
Mike
And it was like, no, no, no, fuck you. So we're going to do it in the garden of the Hocus Pocus Mansion.

00:23:32.61
blindala
Oh, very nice.

00:23:33.33
Mike
which is free. Ha Take that satanic temple. And then we're going to go after we're all dressed up and we get the thing done. We're going to go over the satanic temple and take pictures for free. Ha ha.

00:23:43.61
blindala
but yeah fuck them Satan lovers, right?

00:23:47.17
Mike
Yup.

00:23:48.07
blindala
yeah yeah You got the workaround. That's the, that's the, uh, you, you cut a corner, but in a positive way, yeah write that down folks.

00:23:53.14
Mike
Yes.

00:23:56.27
blindala
That's, that's how to cut a corner in a positive way.

00:23:58.51
Mike
That is.

00:23:59.61
blindala
And I'm guessing you probably won't drink over it. So that's even better. but yeah

00:24:02.73
Mike
I don't think so. Yeah. Yeah. 2414.

00:24:06.25
blindala
Well, good. So, all right. Now that we're back on, what are we 20, 24 minutes. If I'm thinking right now, cause I just got, I just got to add 13 minutes onto whatever I'm looking at.

00:24:10.96
Mike
Sure. Sure.

00:24:13.83
Mike
yeah twenty four fourteen

00:24:14.62
blindala
can't, I can't fucking wait to to listen to that shit. But yeah.

00:24:18.27
Mike
yeah

00:24:18.45
blindala
So, no, seriously, you know, I was thinking about it today too, with the editing and I don't know why I thought about it. Um, maybe from listening to something else and it probably was, I mean, um, I can tell listening to podcasts, editing, some people do it really well.

00:24:31.93
Mike
sure

00:24:32.16
blindala
Some people you can tell a little bit, some people do it really badly.

00:24:35.01
Mike
he ah Right.

00:24:35.34
blindala
Um, but I mean, seriously, I, I am really, that's another thing I'm happy about and proud about what you and I do, you know, I mean, not to override what you guys are doing, but,

00:24:43.63
Mike
right.

00:24:43.71
blindala
You know, the the fact that we don't but we don't edit.

00:24:43.85
Mike
This

00:24:46.00
blindala
I mean, we haven't edited anything. And I mean, my God, if this isn't a fucking example, you guys didn't even edit that?

00:24:50.90
Mike
is live to tape.

00:24:53.76
blindala
No.

00:24:53.95
Mike
no

00:24:54.68
blindala
Nope.

00:24:55.39
Mike
nope

00:24:56.03
blindala
No. And I'm not fucking going to because I think it's probably hilarious.

00:24:59.26
Mike
that's right

00:24:59.54
blindala
I can't ah can't wait to hear it.

00:25:01.78
Mike
this is live to tape

00:25:04.32
blindala
Yeah, exactly. Exactly. All right. So um if, if by chance, if, if, if you have a reading,

00:25:11.32
Mike
I do. ah yeah I have one.

00:25:15.41
blindala
If you you feel like doing a reading, we just talk about you and Chris.

00:25:17.67
Mike
i mean I mean, you know, I could do that forever, but I think I will.

00:25:18.41
blindala
Keep keep talking about that.

00:25:24.29
Mike
Anyway, but, yeah, yeah this is ah this is from a couple of days ago, um August 4th, out of God Grant Me.

00:25:36.00
Mike
And let's do our reading.

00:25:41.17
Mike
There is more to life than increasing its speed. Some guy named Gandhi said that. We live in a fast-paced world. It will not be slowing down.

00:25:52.55
Mike
and as addicts, we often enjoyed the intensity and drama that living a fast-paced life creates. The rhythm of addiction is fast and chaotic.

00:26:03.84
Mike
Recovery has a different rhythm, a different pace. We need to go at a pace that allows us to stay connected. Connected to others, connected to our higher power, connected to our values.

00:26:18.34
Mike
In recovery, we reduce our speed. We meditate. We sit in meetings and adjust ourselves to the pace of the meeting. In slowing down, we start to see the details of life It is in the details that we find meaning, answers, solutions, and the beauty of life.

00:26:38.99
Mike
We need to resist the pace of the world around us and embrace the pace of the spirit. Prayer for the day. Higher power. Help me to slow down to your pace.

00:26:52.17
Mike
Yours is a steady, sure pace, like the sun moving across the sky. Slow and steady. Help me to resist the temptations of this world, one of them being speed.

00:27:05.10
Mike
<unk> Today's action. Today i will work to be conscious of the pace I move at. I will ask this question throughout my day. Am I moving at a pace that allows me to stay connected to my higher power and to recovery?

00:27:22.76
blindala
Okay, so um I like that, and I don't i don't remember that. was just a few days ago.

00:27:27.25
Mike
yeah

00:27:27.60
blindala
That's fucked up.

00:27:28.02
Mike
Two days ago, man.

00:27:28.94
blindala
It's fucked up, man. I was really was really tired like a day or so ago, so maybe that was that day.

00:27:30.26
Mike
Yo.

00:27:33.22
Mike
Man. Okay.

00:27:34.51
blindala
um there was what Really, I mean, as a side note, there was one. I had like a fucking weird, restless night's sleep, but it might have been a couple of days, two, two three days ago.

00:27:41.92
Mike
Wow. Yeah. Actually, I think I did too.

00:27:45.33
blindala
It was in one of those things where, and I don't remember the dreams, but I woke up and it's just one of those nights where you I must've had, I think I had these just fucking wild ass dreams because I couldn't, um I don't have that happen too often.

00:27:55.95
Mike
o

00:27:58.83
blindala
and I'll wake up again, take a piss, do whatever, but um to have that restless of a night, i don't know what the fuck it was, but.

00:27:59.14
Mike
Yeah. Me neither. Sure.

00:28:05.45
blindala
um so So the action was taking a look at if you're slowing down to a space or a pace and blah, blah, blah. Can you read that part again? I'm sorry. I was...

00:28:15.19
Mike
Sure. ah yeah Today I'll work to be conscious of the pace I move at. I will ask the question throughout the day, am I moving at a pace that allows me to stay connected to my higher power and to recovery?

00:28:29.06
blindala
Okay, so do you do you ever feel like you have that problem where, and I've got other questions when it comes to the pace thing, but I guess on that part of it, do you ever feel like you're you're moving at a pace where you're you're not connected or it's affecting your recovery?

00:28:36.70
Mike
Hmm.

00:28:44.06
blindala
Does that ever happen?

00:28:45.30
Mike
um I mean, no, I certainly find myself, you know, especially with work and stuff, just because I want to get it fucking over with, oh you know, moving probably faster than i should be.

00:28:59.07
Mike
um But I mean, no, to the point where I'm getting frantic and and it's, you know, I'm losing my serenity um to the point where but it's affecting my recovery. Absolutely not.

00:29:12.49
Mike
No.

00:29:12.93
blindala
Right.

00:29:13.62
Mike
now You know, yeah, I mean, clearly, you know, um I mean, as the reading talks about, you know, the the world, our society, whatever, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, shit's moving pretty fast. And, you know, we're...

00:29:26.50
Mike
for good or ill, we're part of that society and whatever. So, yeah, you know, we're, we're hauling ass sometimes. Um, but, um, yeah, I mean, to me, no, not to the point where it's, it's, you know, I mean, yes, I, you know, getting frustrated and want to get shit done and whatever, of course, like everybody else, but,

00:29:48.34
blindala
Yeah.

00:29:48.37
Mike
to the point where it's, you know, making me act in ways that I shouldn't be acting and, you know, um, feeling things I shouldn't be feeling. And no, no, not really.

00:29:58.03
blindala
And I, you know, I was thinking about that too. And the, the only thing that, you know, if, if I ever feel like, and I I've said the word before, whelmed because I clearly never underwhelmed.

00:30:10.45
Mike
Right.

00:30:11.31
blindala
I don't necessarily consider myself to be overwhelmed.

00:30:11.46
Mike
Yeah.

00:30:14.47
blindala
Um, but right in that middle where it's just, you know, you're, you're kind of full up

00:30:17.09
Mike
Mm. Hmm. Sure.

00:30:18.50
blindala
And all this shit's coming at you.

00:30:18.74
Mike
No.

00:30:20.27
blindala
You know, there's there's times when I will. I'll i'll stop if I'm, at you know, someplace if I've been, you know, when I used to go to an into an office, you know, for work or something like that.

00:30:28.40
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:30:28.82
blindala
You walk into the bathroom, you walk outside, something like that. Just take a deep fucking breath, close your eyes for a minute and just kind of, you know, inhale and exhale type of thing, you know.

00:30:32.13
Mike
Yeah. Yeah.

00:30:36.93
Mike
Yeah, absolutely.

00:30:38.18
blindala
A serenity prayer, if shit's going weird, you know, or a lot of things coming at me, um I don't have to, you know, use a serenity prayer as much as I used to.

00:30:38.33
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:30:46.88
Mike
Sure.

00:30:46.92
blindala
you know, obviously, it's not as much as early recovery. It did a lot.

00:30:50.28
Mike
Yeah, right.

00:30:50.56
blindala
But, um you know, but but even with stuff like that, where you got all this fucking garbage coming at you, life stuff, you know, nothing...

00:30:51.20
Mike
Sure. Right. Uh

00:30:57.82
Mike
huh.

00:30:58.68
blindala
Nothing terrible, but, you know, it is it moments, you know, these moments.

00:31:01.73
Mike
sure

00:31:02.58
blindala
um I don't think, well, I know, I mean, it's, well, it's never completely affected my recovery or I would have drank.

00:31:09.81
Mike
right

00:31:09.83
blindala
um I guess that's number one. Or I would have done something really stupid, not that I haven't done stupid things. That's why I put the word really in there, quote unquote.

00:31:18.37
Mike
ahha

00:31:19.04
blindala
Um, you know, or something that I, you know, I don't want to say irreversible, but something that you have to literally fix with something other than, Hey, you know what? I didn't mean to snap at you type of thing, you know?

00:31:29.24
Mike
Right, right.

00:31:30.56
blindala
But, um, yeah, that's it. That's, it was a good question, but it made me think about that for a minute. I, I mean, thankfully, um, I, I guess that's just growth, right? Getting to the point where don't have to worry about it fucking with our recovery, right?

00:31:38.21
Mike
Yeah.

00:31:40.81
blindala
Or completely.

00:31:40.95
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:31:41.31
blindala
Yeah.

00:31:41.80
Mike
Yeah. Oh yeah, absolutely. And I mean, yeah, like you said, you know, I mean, that is one of the the tools that I use. I mean, I will, I will stop and take that deep breath and, you know, and just, ah you motherfuckers, right.

00:31:54.00
blindala
Right. Right. Yeah.

00:31:55.20
Mike
You know, shit's getting to me, whatever.

00:31:55.24
blindala
right

00:31:56.88
Mike
and And yes, I think we know better now than, you know, to not cross that line. You know, there is that line and you walk up to it and you go, no I'm all stepping over that fucker.

00:32:09.04
Mike
and And you stop and you you take that deep breath and then you open your eyes and look and hey, that line's over there now.

00:32:09.30
blindala
right

00:32:15.30
Mike
Good.

00:32:16.61
blindala
yeah I mean, even just having something, you know, especially if it's somebody that, you know, you're close to in life and something something happens that that irritates you. And you're there's really two choices at that point. You know, I mean, knowing that it irritated irritated you um and lashing out or knowing it irritated you and really taking that minute.

00:32:35.71
blindala
You know, to think, you know, I'm i'm not going to lash out. I'm i'm just going to leave this be.

00:32:38.75
Mike
Right.

00:32:39.66
blindala
It's not fucking worth it. Yeah, it irritated me.

00:32:41.05
Mike
Yeah.

00:32:41.62
blindala
But why? You know, is it really worth, up you know, me lashing out at somebody?

00:32:42.88
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:32:45.70
blindala
No, I would say almost never, um you know, and.

00:32:46.00
Mike
Right. Never.

00:32:49.73
blindala
And on top of that, too, is that all you're going to do is you're going to fuck something up like we were talking about last week.

00:32:55.00
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:32:55.06
blindala
You know, what what was it? the When you use have day would you have to use negative comments and then back it up with or try to fix it with five positive things.

00:33:03.52
Mike
Right.

00:33:03.89
blindala
Fuck that, man.

00:33:03.92
Mike
Right.

00:33:05.96
blindala
You know, this this fucking, you know, 30-second moment of weakness where I lash at somebody. And now now i that could take that could take months to fix.

00:33:10.61
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:33:13.19
blindala
It may never get fixed, you know, completely.

00:33:13.71
Mike
Right. Right. Mm-hmm.

00:33:17.22
blindala
So, yeah, I don't want any of that.

00:33:17.45
Mike
Yeah.

00:33:20.73
Mike
No.

00:33:22.27
blindala
um But i and I did write down ah the one part of the reading, obviously, the main part talked about um slowing down allows us to stay connected. But that was towards the end part. But the the other thing, too, that I wanted to ask you about. So it says, you know, kind of slowing down or or sticking with the pace of a meeting.

00:33:38.96
blindala
um

00:33:38.97
Mike
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

00:33:39.76
blindala
Do you ever do you run into that? I mean, again, you're you're going to your your home group on a obviously on a weekly basis.

00:33:43.41
Mike
Right. and

00:33:44.80
blindala
But whether it's your home group more and more recently or or at any point, have you ever just sat in a meeting and like, Jesus Christ, I think these are fucking move along.

00:33:52.82
Mike
Oh, yeah, absolutely.

00:33:55.61
blindala
yeah I would have been surprised if you would have said anything other than that, but...

00:33:56.33
Mike
Right. No, yeah, right, you know, constantly. But, you know, it's, it well, clearly I've been reading that, this particular reading for, you know, 14 times now.

00:34:08.69
Mike
of Well, 15 now since I read it again today. oh but yeah But, yeah, I mean, and somewhere that particular thing stuck, maybe not that that wording, but the concept of it has absolutely stuck in my head. And, I mean, yeah, when, you know, shit's dragging along and, you know, they're,

00:34:28.79
Mike
they're still, a you know, they're 35 minutes into their lead and they're still in fucking high school. You know, it's like, oh my God.

00:34:34.98
blindala
Right.

00:34:37.42
Mike
But I, um yeah, I have that, that conscious feeling of, well, this is, this is what this meeting is today.

00:34:48.56
Mike
And, you know, what am I going to do? I mean, and you'll see, you'll see, you know, especially more new people and whatever. i mean, We'll get up and go out and have a cigarette and, you know, get up and go to the bathroom and, you know, i'll I'll look around people are in their phones. And I mean, you know, yes, would I like to do that? Absolutely.

00:35:08.41
Mike
Do I do it?

00:35:08.54
blindala
right

00:35:09.37
Mike
No, I don't because it's, you know, it's not what I'm there for. I'm going to sit there and listen to this jag off go on and on about fucking some kegger party he went to when he was 16.

00:35:26.36
blindala
Kegger. I heard that word a long time.

00:35:27.30
Mike
Yep.

00:35:28.33
blindala
I love it.

00:35:28.36
Mike
Yep.

00:35:29.02
blindala
It's a great word. A fucking kegger. Yeah.

00:35:30.86
Mike
Yep.

00:35:33.30
blindala
Yeah, you know what? And I remember my my first sponsor, Bill, you know, said to me that he goes, no matter how bad the meeting is. um And he told me, he was honest with me, he said, there are some there are some bad meetings you're goingnna sit through.

00:35:43.98
Mike
Right. and he

00:35:44.91
blindala
um He said, always try to pull something good, you know, even if it's just that the meeting's over, which that was kind of his joke. But he's right.

00:35:50.71
Mike
Right.

00:35:52.55
blindala
You know, but the other thing, too, is I've tried to um in that circumstance, but also in a life circumstance. Again, back to this shit coming at you. What am I supposed to be learning right now?

00:36:02.98
blindala
you know

00:36:03.27
Mike
Right.

00:36:03.98
blindala
What am I supposed to be hearing right now about this? you know this this Maybe it's not the kegger party um what this when this jag off was 16 years old, but what's coming up next?

00:36:14.17
blindala
Why am I sitting here? What is the point?

00:36:15.67
Mike
Right.

00:36:16.80
blindala
you know what is There's got to be something I'm waiting for. I'm not here for no reason. That much I feel like.

00:36:22.03
Mike
right

00:36:22.40
blindala
I don't think that i don't think that whatever, again, whatever forces there are in my life that have carried me to, to this point and kept me sober and whatever those things are, it doesn't fucking matter.

00:36:32.76
Mike
see

00:36:33.86
blindala
Um, what is making me sit here? Why am I here right now? You know?

00:36:36.98
Mike
Right.

00:36:37.72
blindala
And I try to put it in that perspective and you know, that'll, that'll calm me down for about six, seven minutes. yeah And then I get, then I got to, you know, fucking work through that again.

00:36:44.03
Mike
Seconds.

00:36:46.69
blindala
I figure, I don't know why I'm fucking here.

00:36:48.73
Mike
Right.

00:36:48.83
blindala
This God now, now he's onto his, he's onto a fucking rager from college. Yeah.

00:36:53.59
Mike
Right, exactly. and Now he's 19 at category.

00:36:55.53
blindala
yeah

00:36:56.77
Mike
at a kaggger

00:36:56.92
blindala
Yeah, and he said a rager. said a rager.

00:37:00.82
Mike
Right.

00:37:00.89
blindala
um Yeah.

00:37:01.53
Mike
and And I mean, you're right. So, okay. So, I mean, for me, um maybe it is the exercise of, you know, fucking being patient and calming and whatever and doing that to myself that hopefully that I carry over into some other situation outside of a church basement where, you know, I need to calm myself down and allow things to happen and whatever, even if it's fucking stupid

00:37:19.19
blindala
Right.

00:37:25.58
Mike
um Also, though, the other side of that is maybe there's some guy in there that's got a fucking a week sober that's really relating to this Jagoff story.

00:37:36.15
blindala
Right.

00:37:36.26
Mike
You know, it's not all about me. Yes, I'm bored. Yes, I wish he would fucking get on with it. But maybe there's that guy sitting there going, fuck, I relate to this man. It's giving him some hope and whatever.

00:37:49.06
Mike
ain't me, but it's not all about me.

00:37:50.72
blindala
Yeah. Yeah. right yeah yeah

00:37:54.69
Mike
And that's part of the exercise too, of sitting through one of those meetings. You know, it's again, you know, yes, calm myself down. It's not, be patient and allow it to happen.

00:38:06.35
Mike
And also know that maybe somebody else is getting something out of this that, you know, it's again, not about me.

00:38:12.56
blindala
Right. Yeah. And it is, it, it can be, it can be tough, but yeah, I mean, I suppose that's a, that's a good point where you said, you know, kind of being prepared for ah places outside of that.

00:38:22.68
blindala
I mean, God forbid, you know, if I, if I can't handle myself inside the fucking rooms, what am I doing out?

00:38:22.96
Mike
Yeah.

00:38:27.24
blindala
I mean, I've got no, I've got no hope in the outside world.

00:38:27.85
Mike
Yeah. Right.

00:38:30.72
blindala
um That's my opinion for me. um But yeah, the, the phone thing, you know, I made a rule years ago. um i never pull my phone out once a meeting starts.

00:38:38.76
Mike
Right.

00:38:40.01
blindala
I used to, when I would walk into the meeting, even if it didn't start yet, I would not, I would not take my phone out of my pocket until I walked out of the building again.

00:38:49.75
Mike
yeah

00:38:49.95
blindala
You know, now, like when, I mean, you and I wouldn't go to your meeting, get there early and I'll fuck around on my phone and stuff like that for a little bit.

00:38:53.62
Mike
Right. Yeah.

00:38:55.79
blindala
But, you know, whatever it is, a good 10, 15 minutes before the meeting starts. Yeah, my phone goes in my pocket I don't, I don't pull my phone out until it's done, you know, and, and maybe not like in that circumstance.

00:38:59.68
Mike
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

00:39:03.64
Mike
Right.

00:39:06.41
blindala
Cause again, you know, we're hanging out afterwards, maybe to clean up a couple of things, but.

00:39:09.22
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:39:09.89
blindala
But you you get my point. And I just don't, like you said, I mean, that's, I'm not there to to fuck around on my phone.

00:39:11.22
Mike
Oh, yeah.

00:39:14.80
blindala
You know, whoever, whoever it is, they can, they can fucking wait.

00:39:15.03
Mike
Right.

00:39:17.88
blindala
Even if it happens to be some tragic message that I got. Well, it it is what it is. I'm i'm here trying to, I'm here trying to, you know, save my life. mean, you're trying to get my fucking sober on, man.

00:39:29.07
blindala
You can, or you're trying to text me or message me.

00:39:30.95
Mike
Yeah.

00:39:32.79
blindala
You can, you can wait.

00:39:33.24
Mike
sir

00:39:34.07
blindala
You can fucking wait, you know?

00:39:34.62
Mike
Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. I mean, you know, I, you know, I mean, clearly I have it on silent and whatever. And, you know, if if it something comes through, I'll glance down to see, you know, but yeah.

00:39:42.41
blindala
Right.

00:39:46.63
Mike
And, and of course, 10 times out of 10, it's nothing that can't wait 45 minutes. Yep.

00:39:52.02
blindala
right

00:39:52.62
Mike
ye

00:39:54.00
blindala
Yeah. And then the only other thing, I mean, uh, the beginning of that reading talked about obviously the fast paced world and, um, intensity and drama. And I think it was talking about either how we used to live or, um, maybe a fast paced world, you know, bringing on intensity and drama.

00:40:03.88
Mike
Right.

00:40:08.11
blindala
Um, and you know, that, that's a thing, man. I mean, I just, I being around drama now, um, It actually, it, it gives me like ah an uneasy feeling, like an uneasy physical feeling being around, you know, drama.

00:40:21.31
Mike
Right.

00:40:22.59
blindala
It's uncomfortable. It's, it's not just uncomfortable, you know, like, Ooh, this is kind of fucking weird, but it does.

00:40:23.83
Mike
Yeah.

00:40:27.86
blindala
it It gives me that almost a physical, um, uneasy, like, like bad butterflies.

00:40:33.22
Mike
Right. Right.

00:40:34.59
blindala
Right.

00:40:34.96
Mike
Well, I mean, yeah, the reading was, you know, talking about, you know, that's, that's part and parcel of addiction is, you know, and, and that's a lot of people in early recovery.

00:40:40.08
blindala
Right.

00:40:43.25
Mike
I mean, you know, they miss that. They miss that intensity and that drama.

00:40:45.42
blindala
Right.

00:40:46.94
Mike
And that's all part of learning how to live a different way, you know, changing that. Cause yeah, you know, it's exciting sometimes, of think you know, now at this point my life, I'm like, no fucking thank you.

00:41:00.91
Mike
i don't need that excitement.

00:41:01.08
blindala
right

00:41:02.94
Mike
Um, that don't need it. Don't want it. Absolutely won't allow it in my life anymore. Um, because, you know, I prefer this peace and serenity. I was promised.

00:41:14.89
blindala
right Yeah. And, you know, I mean, I am one and I've said it before. it's It's sometimes sometimes it is hard for me to to sit still. But there's certain times in the day when um I don't demand it on myself.

00:41:26.35
blindala
I just do it. You know i sit down and watch TV and yeah my phone's there.

00:41:28.49
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:41:29.11
blindala
But, you know, I'm just whatever it is. I sit down and for an hour and watch TV and, you know, in in the morning doing my readings and stuff like that.

00:41:33.07
Mike
ah

00:41:35.76
blindala
I don't let anything else, you know, um affect me or, you know, obviously interrupt that time.

00:41:42.14
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:41:42.28
blindala
And, you know, even. After i take my contacts out and brush my teeth and everything like that, I mean, I just hi kick back in the bed for a minute and, you know, I'll scroll through, you know, whatever social media. And that that to me, it's just, it's quiet time.

00:41:53.90
blindala
There's nothing on in the background. I don't have my, the volume's not on. I'm not listening to shit. Sometimes I'll watch, you know, reels and stuff like that on Facebook or whatever, but I don't even have the sound on. You know, it just, it's quiet time.

00:42:03.07
Mike
Right.

00:42:04.59
blindala
Or you you said, you know, riding around in your truck and not having the radio on or anything like that.

00:42:04.85
Mike
Yeah. Mm-hmm. Right.

00:42:09.54
blindala
Um, you know, I don't have a lot of time. i do still feel this there. There's something that pulls me to, to like, not that I can't sit by myself, but I always feel like there's something I could be doing, you know?

00:42:21.25
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:42:21.98
blindala
Um, and I don't necessarily like that all the time, you know, being, being drawn to that, that feeling, but, you know, I mean, fuck, there's worse things that can, that could happen.

00:42:24.13
Mike
who was Right.

00:42:31.38
blindala
You know, I mean, worse things that could be happening in my, in my life, you know, to,

00:42:32.07
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:42:36.98
blindala
worst things that could be trying to draw me in. So, I mean, if it's just that I got to, you know, sit down and write something on my computer or, you know, fuck around the website or, you know, look up something or whatever it is, you know doing something, it's not, it's not bad.

00:42:39.61
Mike
Right.

00:42:50.53
Mike
Right.

00:42:51.26
blindala
not doing bad shit, you know, so. But I don't know. I mean, I did. I like that reading. It's it it is. It's it's a I think a wonderful reminder, um you know, for us to yeah just fucking slow it on every once in a while and take a goddamn break, you know, take a breath, you know.

00:43:04.74
Mike
Right. Right. Absolutely. Yes. And I mean, it reminds me, i you know, Marty at the Keating Center, man, yeah used to tell us all the time, slow down, slow down.

00:43:17.74
Mike
yeah And yeah, at the time I was like, oh, shit.

00:43:18.49
blindala
Right.

00:43:21.77
Mike
Okay. And but yeah, it's one of the best pieces of advice i know I've ever gotten. and Slow down, babe.

00:43:27.64
blindala
Right.

00:43:30.74
blindala
And you know what? There's, there's probably, i would say maybe only 20% of the, in all the, the hiking trails I've been on, maybe 20%, 25%, maybe I've been on trails where there's like literally nobody else around in an area where I really do want to sit and just kind of stare at something.

00:43:46.78
Mike
Right.

00:43:46.98
blindala
And I remember the one, when I was in North Carolina, when I found that, um, it was that trail that was off of the, uh, the boy scout campground, whatever this old campground that I had to kind of walk through, which is weird in and of itself. But,

00:43:59.70
Mike
Uh-huh.

00:43:59.95
blindala
um You could tell nobody had been on that trail in a long time. But once you get to the opening by the lake, you know, you could see there's a couple of, you know, like a beer case containers and some water bottles.

00:44:08.87
Mike
Uh-huh.

00:44:09.52
blindala
So people are obviously people go out there and party and whatever.

00:44:12.65
Mike
Uh-huh.

00:44:12.77
blindala
um But I mean, it was so peaceful. I just I sat there on on one of the, you know, kind of the rocks on the side. i was taking pictures, but I was there just kind of standing and and sitting there for probably 20 minutes, you know.

00:44:23.61
Mike
Right.

00:44:24.19
blindala
because nobody was around, not a sound. um When I was out in the desert Mexico, i did the same thing, you know, for for a little bit.

00:44:30.25
Mike
Right.

00:44:31.67
blindala
And it just this, you know, that what what used to be this deafening silence um is so, that was like, again, that desert Mexico was so fucking peaceful. but was nothing, you know.

00:44:42.39
Mike
Yeah.

00:44:42.91
blindala
And there's another group out there that, you know, like the one chick was going, Walter White, Jesse Pinkman, the guy's like, shut up, shut up.

00:44:46.82
Mike
Yeah. Right.

00:44:51.07
Mike
yeah right

00:44:53.48
blindala
but um yeah, I don't know. It's a, it's a gift to be able to just sit and, and be, and it just do nothing.

00:45:00.40
Mike
And B, yep, absolutely.

00:45:01.62
blindala
Yeah.

00:45:03.60
Mike
It's wonderful.

00:45:05.41
blindala
yeah It is. It's a, it's a wonderful gift and I like it, even though I don't do it all the time, but yeah, good reading.

00:45:10.49
Mike
Right.

00:45:11.59
blindala
So um anything else that jumped out on on that for you or,

00:45:12.30
Mike
Yeah. No, i think ah I think we covered it. And you know what? Looking at the old ticker here on the thing, I think it's a wonderful time for us to just sit and be after these words from our sponsors.

00:45:38.35
blindala
All right, everyone.

00:45:39.38
Mike
45, 46. 45. yeah, going 46 in 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 46.

00:45:39.79
blindala
Welcome back.

00:45:40.24
Mike
Yeah,

00:45:41.38
blindala
I'm trying to think. so the yeah

00:45:43.96
Mike
something like

00:45:44.26
blindala
So I'm at, where where are you at right now on the timing?

00:45:46.27
Mike
forty five forty six

00:45:49.14
blindala
46 minutes. Okay.

00:45:49.80
Mike
forty five well yeah it's goingnna be forty six in six five four three to one forty six

00:46:01.19
blindala
So was about 45 minutes and what, 50 seconds when you did that?

00:46:04.82
Mike
yeah

00:46:05.13
blindala
Roughly?

00:46:05.29
Mike
stuff like that

00:46:06.61
blindala
Okay. That just all that, all it does.

00:46:07.74
Mike
I know.

00:46:08.26
blindala
It, it gives me a place where I can, where I can find it and and cut it.

00:46:08.61
Mike
Yep. Sure.

00:46:11.42
blindala
It's not a big deal. I mean, I could have done the math. I was writing down 32 and then I'm like 13. like, fuck it. I'll just ask you. So again, yeah, something that didn't get edited out. by were What time is it?

00:46:22.09
blindala
So I know where to cut the episode.

00:46:22.60
Mike
he

00:46:24.38
blindala
but Yeah. But, uh, I don't know. It's, it is what it is. I say still, I think that's funny. I can't wait. I can't wait to listen to that. So it will be interesting, but, um,

00:46:34.96
Mike
sure

00:46:36.12
blindala
But yeah, so a couple of things that I that i pulled out from from this week.

00:46:43.83
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:46:44.48
blindala
why made me laugh. couple of things. I'll tell you two things I didn't pull out from.

00:46:47.87
Mike
Couple of things I whipped out.

00:46:50.35
blindala
No, I'll just tell you two things I didn't pull out out of both my wives. That's why i have two kids. Hello. Hello.

00:46:54.51
Mike
a

00:46:57.03
blindala
ah two The two times that I didn't pull out when we were unprotected, I have two children. So I know.

00:47:01.63
Mike
Yes, that's how that works.

00:47:04.02
blindala
Yeah.

00:47:04.46
Mike
who Google it.

00:47:04.57
blindala
speak a st Speaking not pulling out. um But a couple of things that I wrote down from a few things from this week.

00:47:12.25
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:47:12.36
blindala
um Obviously, we're in the you know eighth month, eighth step, that sort of thing. There was something in Keep It Simple that I came across that

00:47:16.22
Mike
Right.

00:47:18.88
blindala
um that i wanted to bring up. And i I'm trying not to write down too many new things. There might've been one other one except trying to clean up some of this old shit. But um from keep it simple, it said, we might want, we might find that we aren't ready and willing to make amends to everyone.

00:47:33.39
blindala
Now I wrote it down, but then I wasn't sure if we had talked about that before, but um I figured if we did, Hey, it's probably been a while. If just because I can't remember, doesn't necessarily put a mark on it.

00:47:45.04
Mike
Right.

00:47:45.62
blindala
But yeah, I don't know. do you Do you think that at the time that you know that you were at your amends you know area, making your list and stuff like that, where there were there people that you felt that you weren't ready or didn't know that you could make amends to?

00:47:53.53
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:47:59.10
blindala
I don't even know how to put it.

00:48:00.67
Mike
Right. Um, I mean, that's kind of the whole point of the exercise of doing the eighth step is become willing to make amends.

00:48:08.81
blindala
Right.

00:48:10.00
Mike
Right. So, I mean, you know, yeah, that's, it's not just sitting down and writing names on a list. Um, it is, it's, you know, that's part of the step is becoming willing.

00:48:20.50
Mike
And yes, you know, it's, there are people in our lives that hurt us, you know, did damage, cause pain, whatever. Um, and, and, and, you know, and those people generally make it on that list that because we, we laughed back. We heard him back.

00:48:39.79
Mike
Um,

00:48:40.01
blindala
Right.

00:48:40.89
Mike
you know, just the nature of the beast. um So, yeah, you know, but that's that's part of working that eighth step, you know, before you get to that ninth, you've got to put those people on that list and then you've got to be willing to make amends. Now, you may not be able to, you know, I mean, some of them are dead.

00:49:00.62
Mike
oh Not much you can do about that. um But yeah, you know, yes, these people hurt me, but I hurt them too. And I have to be willing to forgive them and you know, otherwise you can't move on, man. You can hang on to that old shit.

00:49:15.10
Mike
And the whole point, you know, one of the major points of working this program and working these steps is moving on into a new life. Um, and it's a little tough to do that when you're hanging on to old shit, you know, uh, I, I believe there's a book called drop the rock.

00:49:29.09
blindala
Right.

00:49:32.43
Mike
They're not talking about the crack rock.

00:49:32.95
blindala
Right.

00:49:36.47
Mike
Um, Yeah, you know, that those things that are weighing us down, we've got to let go of them. And that is part of that eighth step is is being willing to to make things right with people. even you know and And again, you know you're probably not going to be able to do that, but you're willing to.

00:49:56.64
blindala
right

00:49:56.65
Mike
That's the point of it. Yeah. So there you go.

00:50:00.64
blindala
Yeah, and you know what? When going through that entire process, I don't i don't remember that piece being a problem for me, like looking at somebody and like, I don't i don't know if I could do this.

00:50:09.90
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:50:12.78
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:50:12.94
blindala
Now, the dead person, my dad, you know obviously was a dead person.

00:50:14.93
Mike
Right. Mm-hmm.

00:50:16.23
blindala
And that was the one that I didn't come to grips with that whole thing, you know, until that was the whole nine months. Could it really be that simple type of thing?

00:50:23.04
Mike
Right. Mm-hmm.

00:50:24.24
blindala
You know, that was around that same time frame, you know, that I had that revelation because I was...

00:50:26.38
Mike
Right.

00:50:29.01
blindala
I was carrying around that that guilt of being drunk at his funeral.

00:50:32.88
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:50:33.20
blindala
you know And I knew, ah even though everyone... It was pissing me off, quite honestly, that everyone in everyone had good intentions.

00:50:38.38
Mike
Uh-huh.

00:50:41.13
blindala
Mom did. Kathy did. um A couple other people were you you worked you didn't do anything you know really bad or you didn't act.

00:50:42.83
Mike
Right.

00:50:47.54
blindala
I'm like, I know, but...

00:50:49.27
Mike
Right.

00:50:49.36
blindala
you know And I just couldn't get over it.

00:50:50.66
Mike
I did something wrong. It wasn't.

00:50:52.05
blindala
Yeah, I mean, it just...

00:50:52.38
Mike
Yeah, it was fucking wrong.

00:50:54.27
blindala
Yeah, it it was fucking wrong.

00:50:54.46
Mike
hey

00:50:55.96
blindala
And I don't want to be told it was OK, you know, because it wasn't, you know.

00:50:58.12
Mike
yeah Right. Exactly. Yes.

00:51:00.62
blindala
and i And I knew that even at that at that young age in this in this whole sobriety thing.

00:51:04.70
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:51:05.31
blindala
um But like I said, you know, just to sum up that whole story, realizing that if there was anyone on the planet and he was still on the planet, he was just he was just, you know, spread in ah in a graveyard on on top of, you know, our our grandpa.

00:51:13.84
Mike
right

00:51:16.28
Mike
Yeah.

00:51:19.22
blindala
But that sounds bad, too. Yeah.

00:51:20.77
Mike
if Yeah.

00:51:22.27
blindala
But yeah, that's a whole other story. We've talked about it in other episodes. Yeah, with my dad's ashes, blah, blah, blah.

00:51:26.03
Mike
Uh-huh.

00:51:27.46
blindala
But um he would have been the only one.

00:51:27.55
Mike
Right.

00:51:30.26
blindala
He wouldn't have necessarily you know been happy about me being drunk there. Wouldn't have condoned it necessarily.

00:51:33.65
Mike
Sure. Right.

00:51:35.40
blindala
you know But he would have understood because he was one of us.

00:51:35.57
Mike
Mm-hmm. Yes.

00:51:38.11
blindala
And that's how I got over that, was able to forgive myself, and then you know obviously make that peace with him.

00:51:38.71
Mike
Yep.

00:51:44.80
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:51:44.83
blindala
um you know it was a tough one. you know But i didn't go I didn't go into it thinking, well, I can't fucking do this.

00:51:46.77
Mike
Yeah.

00:51:50.20
blindala
Yeah.

00:51:50.54
Mike
Right.

00:51:51.12
blindala
Because people were talking about, you know, writing letters, you know, that you'd never send, writing letters and reading at somebody's gravesite. You don't have to do anything with it, but it's ah it's the exercise of getting that out, just speaking it.

00:52:00.98
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:52:03.14
blindala
um I've done it with writing in general. i get I get these personal things inside of me and I write an article about something that's, you know, it my problem is is hidden and veiled within my writing, but it's and it's a way for me to get it out, you know?

00:52:16.23
Mike
Mm-hmm. Right.

00:52:17.19
blindala
Um, so yeah, I mean, it's a, it is, I mean, but you, you made the best point. i mean, that, that is the purpose of that step.

00:52:23.73
Mike
Yeah.

00:52:24.43
blindala
You got to become willing.

00:52:24.73
Mike
Uh-huh.

00:52:25.19
blindala
You have to,

00:52:27.18
Mike
Yeah.

00:52:28.93
blindala
you're not ready or willing. Well, you're going to have a fucking problem.

00:52:31.83
Mike
You are.

00:52:32.31
blindala
Right.

00:52:32.96
Mike
Yes. You have to be willing. Exactly.

00:52:35.47
blindala
Right.

00:52:36.35
Mike
Yeah. That's all. You know, you, you, you're probably not going to fix the problem. You're not probably not going to make that amends in that ninth step. It's probably, that's not going to be part of your ninth step, but it is a part of your eighth step.

00:52:50.30
blindala
Right.

00:52:50.38
Mike
I, you know, if circumstances and the planets aligned, that I could make this right, I am absolutely willing to do it.

00:53:01.03
Mike
I will do whatever I can to do it, you know, but I'm powerless over places and things.

00:53:01.05
blindala
Right.

00:53:06.12
Mike
And so, you know, I probably won't be able to fix this problem because, you know, especially as men, we want to fix the problem.

00:53:16.42
blindala
yeah

00:53:16.61
Mike
You know, there's a problem.

00:53:17.73
blindala
yeah right

00:53:19.02
Mike
I want to fix it. Well, that's that's part of acceptance. No, asshole, you can't. You have no power.

00:53:25.66
blindala
Right.

00:53:27.94
Mike
Lack of control, lack of power. That is my dilemma. Yes, but but I'm willing. i if if If I could, I would.

00:53:38.01
blindala
Right. Well, and and we've talked about that too, that, I mean, that that eighth and ninth step, although although we, you know, that is, though those are two of those things if you've if you've done them right. I mean, they're theoretically completed, but, you know, we've had these, we've had this

00:53:51.68
Mike
No, no. The eighth step, because that's what the 10th step is. So you don't have to add people to the list, but that ninth step never fucking ends.

00:53:59.37
blindala
Right. But I mean, my my point is i could I could run across somebody that I forgot to put on my eighth. What I was going to say is that walking down the street and all a sudden i'm like oh, fuck, I forgot about that person.

00:54:04.43
Mike
Hmm.

00:54:07.88
blindala
So so they get sidestepped onto to the eighth and then i then I do my ninth step.

00:54:08.26
Mike
Right.

00:54:12.64
blindala
um But no, I agree with you 100%. That's why i was going to say that, yeah, we we've always had to be always have to be ready to make those amends. but

00:54:18.96
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:54:19.01
blindala
So theoretically, though, if I forgot somebody you know inadvertently, then then the eighth step, they get added as an intent of...

00:54:24.06
Mike
Right. Well, I mean, and we've we've talked about this in the past with the eighth step, you know, who'd you put on your list? Everybody I've ever come in contact with ever.

00:54:30.48
blindala
Right.

00:54:32.55
Mike
Right.

00:54:32.56
blindala
Yeah.

00:54:33.07
Mike
Yeah. You know, that's, I, I wanted to make sure it was complete and that's, you know, everybody I've ever come in contact with before I got sober. I'm saying that everybody I've come in contact with after I got sober, I didn't again, 10 step.

00:54:46.86
blindala
Right.

00:54:48.62
Mike
But yeah, that, that eighth step, man, fucking pretty much anybody I've ever met.

00:54:53.56
blindala
Yeah. and I, you know what, I thank you for bringing that up again. Cause I, I forgot about that. And that is a, that is a better way to put it. And, and I agree with you. I mean that who knows? I mean, so why not? I mean, I laughed the first time you said it, but um that's a wonderful way, way to put it.

00:55:07.08
blindala
I, and I agree with you because then then, yeah, you're right. It's done because I, well, if I ran run across this person, well, you're, you're a part of everyone.

00:55:10.38
Mike
Yeah.

00:55:13.80
blindala
So come here.

00:55:14.20
Mike
Yep. Yep. Everyone. Everyone.

00:55:16.17
blindala
I owe you a conversation because you are everybody, you know, Oh yeah. see See how I like how simple that is to who'd you, who, who's on your list?

00:55:24.27
Mike
yeah

00:55:27.00
blindala
Fucking everyone.

00:55:28.71
Mike
everyone

00:55:28.86
blindala
yeah All of them, all the, all the goddamn people everywhere. But, uh, But yeah, the the main thing though is that I, same thing, you know, I, if I, if I run across somebody now, there's people that um I'm sure I've seen in sobriety that I have no desire to talk to.

00:55:44.01
blindala
I, there was, you know, I didn't, they I had no relationship with him, nothing wronged or anything like that.

00:55:44.47
Mike
Oh, yeah.

00:55:49.21
blindala
but I'm like, oh, this, this guy's a fucking douchebag from high school.

00:55:51.72
Mike
Yeah.

00:55:51.90
blindala
I want to talk to him, you know, and, and I won't, I would i might walk the other way.

00:55:53.08
Mike
Right.

00:55:56.50
Mike
Yeah.

00:55:56.61
blindala
Not because I'm not willing to make amends to him. No desire to, have no reason to, I just don't want to talk to the fucking dickhead, you know?

00:56:00.86
Mike
Right. Yeah, exactly.

00:56:04.67
blindala
Those are the only people I avoid these days.

00:56:07.13
Mike
Yeah, right. Oh, I avoid a lot of people. Yeah.

00:56:10.88
blindala
Right, right. But I mean, again, but specifically in that in that realm.

00:56:14.12
Mike
But not out of not out of trying to you know trying to hide and and and be, and and yeah, not living up to my responsibility as a sober human being on this planet.

00:56:28.02
blindala
Right, agreed.

00:56:28.10
Mike
No, I just, yeah, I'm just avoiding them because they're dicks.

00:56:34.24
Mike
And I don't want to be around a dick any anymore.

00:56:34.49
blindala
Yeah. Yeah. I had no, no desire to, to add that. And then that goes back to where did I write that down from the meeting intensity and drama? No desire for any of that shit.

00:56:44.93
Mike
Right. Right.

00:56:47.00
blindala
heck None of that shit whatsoever. So, um, all right. The other one, the new ish one, I think maybe even from this week for the 24 hour book, um, whenever you feel inadequate to any situation, you should realize that the feeling of inadequacy is disloyalty to God.

00:57:06.41
blindala
Now,

00:57:09.59
Mike
right

00:57:10.29
blindala
I wrote that down because in parentheses, I put really with three question marks. hey Because I just thought that this would be, yeah and again, we've we've read the 24-hour book. This would be, what, the 15th time? No, 16th, right?

00:57:24.62
blindala
Yeah.

00:57:24.61
Mike
Sure. Right. Yeah. 16th.

00:57:27.18
blindala
yeah In a minimum, you know, unless we dip back into this book at any point.

00:57:29.48
Mike
Right.

00:57:31.40
blindala
But at a minimum, this would have been the 16th time that I've read that. Even since we've been doing this, that would be the third or fourth time that I've read this.

00:57:38.92
Mike
Sure. Mm-hmm.

00:57:40.22
blindala
And it never stuck out of me, but it did this time. And I'm like, oh, really?

00:57:45.68
Mike
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

00:57:46.99
blindala
So whenever you feel, let me just repeat that. Whenever you feel inadequate to any situation, you should realize that the feeling of inadequacy disloyalty to

00:57:49.58
Mike
Yeah, yeah. Mm-hmm. All

00:57:56.09
blindala
It Right.

00:57:56.96
Mike
right.

00:57:57.05
blindala
feeling of inadequacy is disloyalty to god

00:58:00.82
Mike
Right.

00:58:02.04
blindala
it is not

00:58:02.13
Mike
okay Well, again, i understand what they're trying to say.

00:58:08.02
blindala
yeah

00:58:10.35
Mike
Right.

00:58:10.42
blindala
yeah

00:58:10.71
Mike
You know, God doesn't make junk.

00:58:13.75
blindala
right

00:58:13.75
Mike
um Right. You know, yeah, that's that whole, you know, whatever. i Again, I understand it Right. If you're not, I'm not good enough. Well, you know, yeah God made you. And so God doesn't make junk. So you are good enough. So but I understand that.

00:58:29.88
Mike
and and

00:58:30.09
blindala
Right.

00:58:30.99
Mike
And I almost, yeah in a fucked up way, agree with it. it's Right. Because... yeah um Right. So I feel inadequate in a situation, right? I'm not good enough. I can't live up to this, blah, blah, blah. It's selling yourself short.

00:58:52.62
Mike
And, and that is a good notion. Um, because we, we do that, you know, I'm not good enough.

00:58:57.93
blindala
right

00:58:59.17
Mike
fool You know, um, I'm not good enough to be sober. I'm not good. I'm a bad person, blah, blah, blah. Um, no, y'all aren't fucking good enough. You know, um,

00:59:11.21
Mike
yeah, i'm I'm not the greatest and whatever, but I'm good enough for most shit. And that's fine. You know, and if if it helps you to realize that with the, almost said crutch, that's don't be nice, Michael.

00:59:17.64
blindala
Right.

00:59:25.41
Mike
um

00:59:27.71
blindala
yeah

00:59:28.32
Mike
Well, all yeah if if that helps you to have more self-worth, cool. um You know, but again, bring it back to our concept of self-worth, right?

00:59:39.62
Mike
Yeah.

00:59:40.00
blindala
right

00:59:40.50
Mike
yeah Our self-worth is contingent upon our worth to others. And um if we feel inadequate, that's like saying, well, you know, I'm not, I have no worth to other people.

00:59:53.17
Mike
Well, why don't you have worth to other people? What are, you what aren't you doing for other people?

00:59:58.27
blindala
Right.

00:59:58.41
Mike
You know, so, so if the God concept helps you live up to helping someone else to get that worth in the world, Cool. You know, but that's, yeah, that's all it is, man. You know, be worthwhile to other people so that you're fucking worthwhile and then you're not inadequate anymore.

01:00:18.98
Mike
There, do that. yeah

01:00:22.84
blindala
You know, and and here's the thing. And i when when I wrote that down, I wasn't offended by it, but I was just like really I did read this. He's really with three question marks.

01:00:31.43
Mike
Right, right, right.

01:00:32.23
blindala
So I'm like, oh, fuck me. Yeah, though I'm disloyal to God, you know, that sort of thing.

01:00:35.74
Mike
yeah whatever

01:00:37.20
blindala
But you just and i and I appreciate the fact of it it. Again, this kind of goes back to. that One of the beautiful things I think of of you and I having in these conversations, and thank kate thank you everyone who's listening to, and you know you're welcome for getting to listen in on this shit.

01:00:53.39
Mike
sure

01:00:55.09
blindala
Just say thank you and keep listening. I'm just kidding.

01:00:57.04
Mike
sure

01:00:58.07
blindala
But this happens quite a bit when you and I are talking where these um I'm looking at it one way, you're looking at another way. Neither one of these ways is necessarily incorrect, but I don't necessarily look. at It goes back to the same thing now, probably three, four episodes in a row now where I've said this.

01:01:12.77
blindala
I'm not looking at the other side of the coin, you know, and I'm glad you brought that up because.

01:01:14.80
Mike
Right.

01:01:17.99
blindala
right. When it really comes down to it. And, you know, why do I feel inadequate? Why do, you know, why, why are you and i really good friends and I'm not friends with this person over here?

01:01:22.95
Mike
Right.

01:01:28.39
blindala
Or, you know, why does this female like this guy over here, but this female isn't like me?

01:01:28.68
Mike
Right.

01:01:34.60
Mike
Uh-huh.

01:01:34.63
blindala
Um, I mean, I don't know what, ah and not in a bad way, but what do you and Chris see in each other that you don't see in other people? You what mean? So it's all, it's all these different things.

01:01:41.27
Mike
Right. Mm-hmm.

01:01:42.48
blindala
It doesn't mean that that I'm inadequate, you know, just I'm not somebody's like the the the joke, you know, I'm not somebody's cup of tea and it's fine. I drink fucking coffee.

01:01:49.87
Mike
Right.

01:01:50.80
blindala
I'm good. You know?

01:01:51.44
Mike
Yeah.

01:01:52.17
blindala
um And I, I think that in most cases, but I still probably that get these, but they're mild these days, very mild.

01:01:59.09
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:02:00.92
blindala
um I guess whiffs of, of inadequacy, very, very mild.

01:02:05.70
Mike
Sure.

01:02:05.88
blindala
And they kind of go through my brain as quickly as the thought of, you know, drinking alcohol goes through my brain.

01:02:10.38
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:02:10.97
blindala
you know, this thing comes up, it's a smell, it's a feeling, it's a whatever. And like, yeah, well, not today.

01:02:16.23
Mike
Right.

01:02:16.59
blindala
yeah Or you, you know, again, whether it's that whatever the thing is, you feel this, this area or thing of inadequacy.

01:02:17.32
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:02:22.86
blindala
And then you're like, yeah, whatever.

01:02:23.21
Mike
Sure.

01:02:24.48
blindala
It's that, that person's deal or whatever they're, whatever it is, I'm not their thing.

01:02:28.27
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:02:29.48
blindala
Fine.

01:02:29.68
Mike
Right.

01:02:30.00
blindala
You know?

01:02:30.35
Mike
Yeah.

01:02:30.90
blindala
Um, so I guess, yeah, but God doesn't make it any junk. Okay. But that same thing, you know, I mean, not, not everyone is, not everyone's fucking wonderful either, you know, but.

01:02:35.75
Mike
Yeah.

01:02:40.42
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:02:40.83
blindala
Um, but we do have, we've got worth. And I like the other thing you said is that if you don't feel, you know, worth something to other people, what are you not doing for somebody else?

01:02:49.77
Mike
Yes, exactly.

01:02:50.57
blindala
You know, what are you not doing for, you know, to, to make yourself worthy. And if you're doing all those things and somebody still doesn't, you know, care for you, fuck them.

01:02:59.13
Mike
Well, then fuck them. Yeah.

01:03:02.38
blindala
Yeah. I mean, i'm not out there I'm not out there trying to hurt people.

01:03:03.17
Mike
Right. Mm-hmm.

01:03:05.66
blindala
You know, somebody doest yeah somebody wants to get mad at me for, and think you said it before, for being over here and, you know, living living your best life and, you know, not not doing anything and not hurting anyone and just trying to help people and somebody's mad about that, fine, fuck them.

01:03:12.88
Mike
Yo.

01:03:19.09
Mike
yeah Yeah, sorry for your loss.

01:03:20.67
blindala
Yeah. yeah Exactly. Yeah. Go find, go find something, you know, that's, that's going to occupy your brain other than me at the moment because, uh, cause yeah, that's not going to work. And so thank you. I mean, I appreciate you again, uh, flipping over the other side of the coin there and letting me take a look. Cause I, seriously, I wasn't, I wasn't thinking about it that way. So.

01:03:39.70
Mike
Right.

01:03:40.46
blindala
yeah I like that. But, oh, I saw a meme the other day that said it was kind of along the same the same lines that, you know, said, hey, you know, if if other people don't like you kind of whatever, you know, i I'm fine with that.

01:03:51.80
blindala
You know, I like you as a friend, whatever the case is. But it's like if if a bunch of dogs don't like you, then we've we've got a problem.

01:03:53.81
Mike
and says

01:03:58.07
Mike
Right.

01:03:58.63
blindala
You know, and I'm like, I might, that, that made me laugh.

01:03:59.54
Mike
There you go. Yeah. Yeah.

01:04:01.30
blindala
Cause I mean, dogs, dogs kind of love me. You know, there's, I can't remember the last time that I've i've run across a dog that doesn't like me.

01:04:04.01
Mike
hi there you go

01:04:07.97
blindala
And that's why joke all the time. Hey, I must be a wonderful human being.

01:04:11.16
Mike
a

01:04:11.59
blindala
yeah Dogs, dogs have a good sense of that shit, but I'm sure there's plenty of dogs out there that probably want to fucking eat me or don't like me.

01:04:14.58
Mike
yeah

01:04:18.08
Mike
Sure.

01:04:18.28
blindala
And I, it is what it is.

01:04:19.22
Mike
Right. But again, that's, you know, that's a dog that's damaged and fucked up and whatever.

01:04:19.71
blindala
Right.

01:04:24.28
Mike
Yeah. yeah Because if it's like a regular, you know, normal dog, it's going to like you.

01:04:25.05
blindala
right

01:04:29.13
blindala
Right? Yeah.

01:04:29.75
Mike
Yeah. Yeah.

01:04:30.93
blindala
I'm good enough. I'm strong enough. I'm happy, you know.

01:04:32.97
Mike
There it is.

01:04:34.08
blindala
yeah and Gosh darn it.

01:04:35.43
Mike
And gosh darn it. He wants to sniff my ass.

01:04:38.66
blindala
Dogs like me.

01:04:39.81
Mike
He he he he he.

01:04:42.41
blindala
All right. So um this one, kind of back to my back to my list of of stuff here. From Keep It Simple, it's kind of a short one, and it says 10 ways. We don't necessarily have to do that.

01:04:52.95
blindala
But it says I'll list 10 ways that I need to be selfish in recovery. But um I know that always sounds funny. I mean, we get it. But um what does that actually mean?

01:05:00.58
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:05:02.68
blindala
I mean, maybe explain your feeling behind being selfish or why you need to be selfish in recovery.

01:05:09.12
Mike
Mm-hmm. Right. oh Well, you know, ah January sixth man, you know, my sobriety is the most important thing in my life. And, um right, if there's someone, again, kind of back to the same concept as the last point, of you know, if someone...

01:05:29.70
Mike
Someone's got a problem with me, um you know, having to go to a meeting, having to go work with another alcoholic, you know, it's getting in their way of whatever they want.

01:05:40.41
Mike
Okay, it's fine, fuck you.

01:05:44.49
blindala
Right.

01:05:44.55
Mike
um You know, that's that's the selfishness in my recovery. And, you know, again, at this point in my life, there's no one in my life that has a problem with anything I have to do for my sobriety.

01:05:58.42
blindala
Right.

01:05:58.51
Mike
i You know, I mean, the moment I start... I start using it in a bad way, which clearly I'm capable of doing. um Right. Shirking responsibilities. Oh, I've got to go be you sober.

01:06:13.91
Mike
No asshole. Um, Right. But I mean, if, you know, a fundamental thing that I'm doing for my sobriety and it's pissing someone off, eh, fuck them.

01:06:25.46
blindala
Right.

01:06:25.46
Mike
You know, that's the only selfishness. You know, I, you know, I've got to go, i don't know. ah Yeah. i It's a foreign concept to me now, because again, there's no one in my life. I've, I've worked hard to make sure that there's no one in my life that's going to be offended by anything I have to do for my recovery. Yeah.

01:06:43.12
blindala
Right.

01:06:43.37
Mike
um truly have to do for my recovery. Again, you know, um I start using it as an excuse to behave badly, which again, I can do.

01:06:51.03
blindala
well Okay.

01:06:53.87
Mike
um Yeah, you know, ah again, but those good people that are in my life now are going to call me on that bullshit and not allow me to get away with that. So there you Right?

01:07:03.94
blindala
Right. Well, and on top of that too, that thankfully we've, we've grown and gained, you know, a conscious, a good one, at least, you know, where ah as long, again, as long as we're in our, in our right head space to begin with and doing things right, we're not going to, you know, do those things.

01:07:10.46
Mike
Right?

01:07:17.32
blindala
But yeah, I mean, I've mentioned that before.

01:07:17.64
Mike
Right.

01:07:19.15
blindala
I thought about, you know, when, whatever it was, there something with Dawn and I said, Oh, this and that for the, she's Oh, whatever, whatever you have to do for your, you know, I get it what you got to do. And you know, this, you know, I'm three, four months sober at the time.

01:07:30.33
blindala
And I'm like, I'm like, wait a second.

01:07:30.60
Mike
Right.

01:07:32.50
blindala
My brain's like, Hey, you got something here.

01:07:33.52
Mike
Oh, yeah. Hey. Yeah, right.

01:07:35.79
blindala
Yeah. You got something here.

01:07:38.78
Mike
How can I use this to my advantage?

01:07:41.30
blindala
yeah And it it seriously seriously was, it was, ah it was, it was like that, you know, but, um but yeah, I mean, that the same thing.

01:07:41.56
Mike
a

01:07:46.60
blindala
I mean, there's nobody. Well, I mean, the last time it happened, I don't know, it, you know, three, four, well, probably one shit, four or five years ago, whatever it was, four years ago, you know, one individual I was hanging out with and, you know, I think it was just a, it was a lack of, of trust.

01:07:53.25
Mike
the

01:07:59.50
blindala
And I mean, I didn't think I was doing anything you you know, to, for, for this individual to, to not trust me.

01:08:05.83
Mike
Sure.

01:08:05.92
blindala
Actually, I know, I know I wasn't, um, but who, who knows, whatever, whatever her deal was.

01:08:07.48
Mike
Right. Yeah.

01:08:10.11
blindala
And, um, I mean, we, we mended that this individual I was talking, I'm talking about, I mean, we mended our ways and, uh, again, we're friends to this day, but whatever was going on with her at that time,

01:08:15.42
Mike
Mm-hmm. Well. Right.

01:08:19.83
blindala
um She questioned the fact that, are you really going to meetings? Why don't you want me to be there? And this, time I'm like, what the fuck, man? I'm like, here's the thing. If you don't trust me, I can't, I can't be around you. I'm like, I don't care who you are or, or whatever it is.

01:08:29.69
Mike
Yeah.

01:08:32.69
blindala
I'm like, I can't, that that's something I won't do. I'm not going to try to, um I'm not going to beg for somebody's trust.

01:08:39.33
Mike
Right.

01:08:39.39
blindala
You know, if I do something wrong, I'm not even going to beg for forgiveness. I'm going to apologize and try to make it right.

01:08:44.99
Mike
Right.

01:08:45.09
blindala
I don't want to have to beg for anything. That's the same thing. We've got to clean our side of the street. not going do shit, you know, just, you know, horribly to somebody and be like, fucking man, don't want to, you don't want to, you know, take my apology there.

01:08:49.04
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:08:56.29
blindala
That's a different story, you know, but I'm sure as fuck not going to try to, to beg somebody to trust me if I'm not doing anything that's, that's,

01:08:56.37
Mike
ah here Yes.

01:09:03.53
Mike
Right. If I'm not being trustworthy.

01:09:05.48
blindala
Yeah, I mean, it just, i yeah, I know for a fact I wasn't doing anything.

01:09:06.02
Mike
Yeah.

01:09:08.36
blindala
going to a goddamn meeting.

01:09:08.68
Mike
Yeah. Right.

01:09:09.62
blindala
and was so It was a Zoom meeting or whatever it maybe it was. don't know, whatever the fuck it was.

01:09:11.57
Mike
Huh? It doesn't matter.

01:09:14.77
blindala
Yeah, it doesn't matter. I'm like, I'm like, fuck it. That's what it was. Yeah, it was after the kind of the the middle of the pandemic thing where I was doing Zoom meetings on a Friday night.

01:09:20.99
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:09:22.74
blindala
And yeah, that's what it was. But again, it doesn't matter. But yeah, the whole point is that um I don't have anyone in my life today that would, um you know, they would question anything like that.

01:09:32.49
Mike
Right.

01:09:32.97
blindala
But then again, I'm not out there doing wrong with it either, like you said.

01:09:35.58
Mike
Right.

01:09:37.96
Mike
If you don't suck my dick right now, I'm going to get a bottle. Yep.

01:09:42.53
blindala
Wait, hang on.

01:09:42.70
Mike
That's what I said.

01:09:43.69
blindala
Hang on one second.

01:09:44.86
Mike
Yep.

01:09:45.57
blindala
Note to self use blow job to stay sober.

01:09:46.85
Mike
well

01:09:51.59
blindala
That's what you said, right?

01:09:51.78
Mike
yop

01:09:52.63
blindala
Okay, good.

01:09:52.78
Mike
that's what i said yeah

01:09:56.54
blindala
yeah If you don't he'll suck my dick, I'm going to get drunk. What?

01:10:00.39
Mike
yeah

01:10:02.00
blindala
So this one, I think kind of, we kind of already talked about with the other two is that this was also for keep it simple again from a while ago, ah four times doubt got in my way, but that's kind of what we were talking about with the other things. So, um,

01:10:13.76
blindala
Yeah, I don't think that that that one I could cross off. See, again, some of these are kind of double, double topics. So we have a few here and there that have been like that.

01:10:19.47
Mike
Sure.

01:10:22.88
blindala
All right. So next one, also from Keep It Simple, is what I'm doing something that shows I care? um i don't know if we have, I put parentheses, do you ever consider that or does it just happen or possibly not happen? We're kind of like you're, do are you doing something, do you do things in life literally to show people that you care or are you thinking about that, that you're doing something um that shows that, hey, I care about somebody, that sort of thing.

01:10:46.19
Mike
ah

01:10:52.81
Mike
Right. Well, I mean, yeah, um, not, not overtly, you know, it's e anymore. cause I don't have to, right.

01:11:03.60
blindala
ah Right, man.

01:11:05.00
Mike
You know, um, yeah. I mean, there are times where, yeah, you know, um, Something i work on with Chris, you know, she wants me to talk more, open up more or whatever, which is not easy for me because it's not my fucking nature.

01:11:20.46
Mike
um and And I understand that she needs that um in the relationship. So, yeah, you know, ah yes, I do make a conscious effort sometimes to, you know,

01:11:32.07
Mike
Maybe say something extra, um you know, and again, in my fucked up head, I'm like, oh, I said what I said. I don't need to elaborate on it. But it's, again, not all about me. So, yeah, you know, I will take that extra effort.

01:11:48.73
Mike
time and say shit that's extra, even though in my head I'm going, i already fucking said it. Um, so yeah, you know, there there's an example of me being conscious for someone else.

01:12:03.12
Mike
Um, so yes, I do do it. Um, I don't want to do it. I don't like to do it, but I do it because it's, Hey, guess what? The next right fucking thing.

01:12:13.53
blindala
Right. Well, and there there are things like that, that, you know, you you realize what, you know, what makes people, other people happy, you know, and I mean, we're all about that.

01:12:21.25
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:12:22.91
blindala
So we were taught, it's not, it has nothing to do with what we say.

01:12:23.74
Mike
Sure.

01:12:25.76
blindala
It's literally all about what we do, you know?

01:12:27.77
Mike
Right.

01:12:28.59
blindala
And if I know that this, that this one thing, whatever it is, you know, I, I, I picked up this or I, or I stopped that, or I texted somebody this or something like that.

01:12:36.12
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:12:38.29
blindala
And I do that. I've got, I've got friends, you know, that um either, but you know, somebody starting a new job or it's somebody's anniversary, whatever the deal is.

01:12:45.25
Mike
Right.

01:12:46.39
blindala
um I mean, I've sent people messages before on things and, you know, I get these reactions like, oh my God, thank you so much. And in my head, I'm like,

01:12:52.44
Mike
Right.

01:12:53.72
blindala
I didn't do anything.

01:12:55.04
Mike
Right.

01:12:55.28
blindala
You know, I said, congratulations on whatever, or I remembered something.

01:12:55.40
Mike
Right. Sure.

01:12:58.73
Mike
right

01:13:00.17
blindala
And I mean, it's, it's usually because I made a note, you know, somebody's birthday or their you know sobriety anniversary, whatever the case is, or somebody starting a new job on a particular date.

01:13:03.98
Mike
right

01:13:10.04
blindala
I've got a friend of mine starting a new job on the, on Monday, you know, and I said, a reminder, cause I, that morning I'm going to send her a quick text and just say, Hey, you know, good, good luck on the job type of thing. Now,

01:13:18.74
Mike
sure

01:13:19.93
blindala
Am I doing it for any ulterior motive? No. I mean, i I enjoy her as a person. I care about her as an individual.

01:13:24.32
Mike
Sure. Right.

01:13:25.70
blindala
um But I'm not like, hey, the kind of the note I just made a minute ago, maybe that's going to happen because I know it's there's nothing to do with that, you know.

01:13:31.50
Mike
Yes. Yeah. Right. Yeah.

01:13:35.68
blindala
um But do I think that she'll appreciate it? Of course. Am I doing it you know because I think it'll it'll mean something to her?

01:13:39.20
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:13:42.22
blindala
Absolutely.

01:13:43.25
Mike
Right.

01:13:43.41
blindala
you know I wouldn't just say something to somebody just for you know fucking words and lip service. you

01:13:47.78
Mike
Exactly.

01:13:48.05
blindala
my So maybe that's my my thought to that is that, yes, I go, I'm not out of my way, but I will say something to somebody to make them hopefully, you know to like you said, brighten their day, do whatever it is, you know and make this world a better place.

01:13:48.43
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:13:59.33
Mike
Yeah.

01:14:01.06
blindala
There you go yawning.

01:14:01.33
Mike
Yeah. yeah Yeah, I know.

01:14:05.28
blindala
No. It just it cracks me up every single time. But usually it is. It's in the middle of me talking about something.

01:14:09.74
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:14:10.46
blindala
And you're like, oh, yeah. how I know, yes.

01:14:13.59
Mike
he

01:14:16.24
blindala
But dumb yeah, so that's, ah I mean, that's, it's true. Yeah. We don't necessarily have to, i don't know. Sometimes it just, and that was kind of my, my other you know note that I had in there. Does it just happen? You know, does it just happen?

01:14:26.28
Mike
he

01:14:26.85
blindala
And I think, I think a lot of these things do, you know, we have these, you know, these decent thoughts these days that never used to occur to us before. And um you know, it's a, I do, I, I want to make, I want to offer people kind words and make people feel good, you know, rather than, you know, just being like, well, fuck it, who cares?

01:14:35.14
Mike
Right.

01:14:42.11
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:14:46.23
Mike
Yeah, right, exactly.

01:14:46.31
blindala
you know yeah

01:14:48.35
Mike
Yeah. It's going to happen anyway. I don't need to fucking chime in on it. well yeah Yeah, I do have to chime in on it because it's, you know, right, you know, point out good shit for people.

01:14:54.18
blindala
Right.

01:15:01.07
Mike
Yeah, that's, yeah.

01:15:01.32
blindala
Right.

01:15:02.68
Mike
I know. Again, but it's not our nature as addicts and alcoholics. It's, you know, we're not thinking about other people. Only thinking of ourselves.

01:15:09.17
blindala
hu Right. Yeah, definitely. So if I'm looking at it right, are we at like a 1, what, a 115 right now?

01:15:17.96
Mike
Yep.

01:15:18.56
blindala
Okay, cool. Yeah, i'm doing the math in my head. All right.

01:15:20.35
Mike
Yeah. and

01:15:20.70
blindala
So just wanted to tell you a couple of things about, so i anything more about your, I mean, your weekend? I mean, how how was poor Clinton, anything like Because I was going to tell you a little bit about my weekend with Ollie and stuff like that too, but then I got two other things.

01:15:32.94
Mike
Yeah.

01:15:34.31
blindala
But so how was it? Weather-wise, everything was cool. The Al Capone room, all good?

01:15:36.79
Mike
Oh yeah. God, it was fucking gorgeous, man. I mean, it's, it's usually hot as balls and it was like mid seventies on Saturday.

01:15:39.54
blindala
ah

01:15:44.42
blindala
oh really?

01:15:44.88
Mike
oh yeah.

01:15:45.57
blindala
yeah

01:15:45.64
Mike
It was, it was fucking great. Um, yeah, it, we had a wonderful time. We you stayed at the Island house again, like we always do. Um, this time we got the, uh, Al Capone room, which was really nice.

01:15:57.17
blindala
Right.

01:15:59.23
Mike
um, Yeah, you know, it's it's a third floor corner room, um the best room in the whole place. And it was ah it was wonderful. Yeah, we had a lovely time.

01:16:08.70
blindala
Right.

01:16:09.91
Mike
We had some really good food and, you know, bought some crap. And yeah, just, ah yeah, wonderful time.

01:16:20.34
blindala
Well, and I'm not going to ask you what you paid for the room, but is it is it crazy expensive compared to the other ones or is it in line? you know Okay, well, that's good.

01:16:26.09
Mike
um in line. Yeah, yeah, which kind of – I mean, I booked it in, like, April. And, um you know, they they it's actually not a hotel anymore.

01:16:31.51
blindala
Right.

01:16:36.31
Mike
It's – they, like, sold it, and ah individuals bought rooms, I guess.

01:16:42.37
blindala
Oh, sure. Okay.

01:16:43.15
Mike
Yeah, and um and then there's, just like, a management company that runs the whole thing.

01:16:43.35
blindala
Yeah.

01:16:47.79
Mike
So there's actually, like, nobody in the lobby anymore.

01:16:48.27
blindala
Sure.

01:16:51.14
Mike
It's – you know, when we first started going there, it was an actual hotel. So it was, like, you know, whatever. Yeah. Yeah, and, ah you know, I went on the website and was, like, looking at all the different rooms, and that one was available, and it was, like, compared to the other rooms, and I was like, well, fuck, yeah, we're getting that one.

01:17:07.89
blindala
Right.

01:17:10.27
blindala
Yeah. And I was just, I mean, kind of curious because I mean, obviously with a, with, you know, ah with that sort of thing and the history behind it I mean, it's, I don't know, usually they it's, it's easy, would be easy enough for them to, to gouge at least a little bit, you know, but um that's good.

01:17:16.48
Mike
Right.

01:17:21.50
Mike
Sure. Right.

01:17:24.01
blindala
That's good.

01:17:24.78
Mike
Yeah. So yes, we had a wonderful time and, you know, we won't be going next year.

01:17:30.50
blindala
Wait, where are you going be?

01:17:32.24
Mike
ah We will be in Salem, Massachusetts.

01:17:34.58
blindala
yeah Fuck it with you. But no, that's nice. um I'm glad. I mean, I knew that the weather, i thought the weather was going to be decent, but I didn't realize it.

01:17:43.03
Mike
Yeah.

01:17:43.10
blindala
Yeah. Perfect weather. That that's really nice. so It's actually very nice.

01:17:45.28
Mike
It was beautiful.

01:17:47.17
blindala
Yeah, so, um yeah, Kimmy and, well, obviously Kimmy and Kathy went to Lollapalooza and, well, Brian. um Brian was here too, yeah, obviously my son-in-law. But so, yeah, hanging out with ah with Ali.

01:17:59.72
blindala
And, I mean, he's um he's three and a half, you know, now.

01:18:02.21
Mike
Right?

01:18:02.53
blindala
And I'm talking, obviously, more still. You know, I've got to decipher words and things that, you know.

01:18:06.09
Mike
Mm-hmm. Sure.

01:18:09.17
blindala
Didn't understand, you know, it's, I'm not around him all the time. You know, it's just like when, you know, and obviously the kids are little, ah you can understand it, but everyone else can't.

01:18:15.91
Mike
Right.

01:18:16.12
blindala
um But it's not that bad, you know, but he was good. He's, he's getting, you know, he's to the point where, I mean, he's, I don't want to say fully potty trained, but I'd say 90%.

01:18:24.78
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:18:24.83
blindala
um You know, so basically he would say, he's like, I, he said, when he needs to go to the bathroom, he's going to tell you that he has that, he has that pee feeling.

01:18:31.25
Mike
Right? Sure.

01:18:33.65
blindala
Yeah. And I'm like, i'm like okay. And he said it you know before they had left. So I'm like, okay, you know now I knew exactly what he said.

01:18:42.22
Mike
sure

01:18:42.57
blindala
But there was a couple of times, I don't know, I don't know how many times we went to the bathroom from, they left at like three and he was in bed by eight. So in five hours, I was at 10 times, you know, but-

01:18:51.30
Mike
yeah

01:18:52.37
blindala
I mean, it was a lot. But here's the thing, though, is that, you know, I don't he's at the age you you think about it. I mean, you're the human body is producing urine all the time, you know.

01:19:00.72
Mike
Mm-hmm. Sure.

01:19:03.10
blindala
So, I mean, right now i have that pee feeling. I'm not going to piss myself, you know, but, you know, it's been an hour and a half probably since I've gone to the bathroom.

01:19:11.25
Mike
Right.

01:19:11.57
blindala
You know, but, um but the whole point there is that, you know, he'd go to the bathroom and they say it again. I'm like, in my head, I'm like, you don't have to go again. But then I'm like, no, this is, this isn't, the point is, is that he's got, he's got to understand what this feeling means, blah, blah, blah.

01:19:18.47
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:19:25.63
blindala
Then he got back in there and he peepees some more. So he just didn't go completely.

01:19:29.16
Mike
Right.

01:19:29.39
blindala
yeah um But I mean, I don't know. It's just, it's, it's interesting. It's been a long time since I've been around, you know, a child potty training, you know.

01:19:36.54
Mike
Right.

01:19:37.09
blindala
But so that that part was fine. um And then I had asked Kimmy, I said, he likes chicken. I mean, I know he does, but she's like, yeah, he's he's pretty good with that.

01:19:44.31
Mike
Uh-huh.

01:19:45.53
blindala
So I said, okay, I'm going to get, I'll make sure I've got that. I'm going to just, I'll cook up chicken breast. I'll basically, I'll feed him what I eat. You know, it's chicken breast, it's rice and it's beans.

01:19:52.20
Mike
Right. Yeah.

01:19:54.20
blindala
I mean, he, I know he eats all that stuff.

01:19:54.70
Mike
Right.

01:19:57.47
blindala
So the problem though, is that I cook, well, you had, you've had the chicken I cooked on the George Foreman, which, you know, I season it up and I do all these different things and it cooks really well, you know.

01:20:02.09
Mike
Sure.

01:20:07.39
blindala
And I've also cooked it on there without any seasoning. And basically what ah the the chicken breasts come out, they almost look like you boiled it. They're just white. They're cooked, but it it doesn't cook up as well.

01:20:14.70
Mike
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

01:20:18.17
blindala
and It's different. And it was a little dry, but I mean, I ran stressing, whatever, and I go to him. And he's, he's eaten. And I'm like, I have some of the meat. And he would, he would smell it and then put it back.

01:20:28.29
Mike
yeah yeah yeah yeah

01:20:29.73
blindala
And, you know, we're just sitting at the table. He's watching a movie on his little, you know, his little tablet, whatever, and trying to get him to eat. And then he'd eat a couple. And then, He's putting a couple in his mouth and then, you know, he'd eat one and then take one out. And I said, do you like that? And he's like, he's like, I'm full. I'm like, well, I know what the deal is now. He doesn't want to eat that.

01:20:46.70
blindala
So he ate his rice and his beans and and whatever. um But that, that's what it was. I think it was just, it was bland, you know?

01:20:53.18
Mike
Right.

01:20:53.20
blindala
And ah he's like, I don't want this fucking shit, but he wouldn't, he wouldn't have eaten it.

01:20:55.84
Mike
Yeah. He might have.

01:20:57.46
blindala
He wouldn't have eaten it with the, you know, obviously with the seasoning on there and then get,

01:21:01.08
Mike
Yeah. Yeah.

01:21:03.30
blindala
Well, and I asked Kimmy first, you know, and she's like, no, he wouldn't.

01:21:05.81
Mike
ahha

01:21:07.58
blindala
Cause I showed her the seasoning and she smelled it.

01:21:09.24
Mike
yeah

01:21:10.18
blindala
And she's like, sometimes he thinks if he gets a piece of pepper on there, that's too spicy. I'm like, yeah, it wouldn't, it wouldn't like it.

01:21:14.19
Mike
ah

01:21:15.94
blindala
So, but was fine. He was, he was good. We had a good time. were outside. He's got a soccer ball. He's got a football, the whole bit.

01:21:21.23
Mike
right

01:21:22.13
blindala
And then he came up, he came up here and I, cause I told him at one point, which he didn't get a chance to do it. I'm like, if you're good, we'll sit up here. We'll watch TV. We can sit on the bed and watch TV. He's like, can I go on the bed right now? I said, can go on the bed.

01:21:33.53
blindala
So he's out on the bed and you've seen the pillows I have in here, right? The ones I got from, and I swear to God, the name was Lou, the guy i got him from at the three quarter house and left them there.

01:21:36.12
Mike
isn

01:21:41.06
Mike
right

01:21:42.32
blindala
And then, so he's sitting on the bed there's a green one and a brown pillow and he grabs the green one. He's like, why do you have a green pillow? And I'm like, in my head, I'm like, cause a fucking drug addict gave me one.

01:21:53.46
blindala
That's why, you know, cause a fucking drug addict left it here when he went out and did God knows what I'm like.

01:21:53.67
Mike
Right.

01:21:59.98
Mike
Right.

01:22:00.13
blindala
Cause I liked the green pill.

01:22:00.78
Mike
Went out and did drugs.

01:22:00.98
blindala
And I said, yeah so he left me his pillow. It's in my head. You know, I'm just like, I don't know. I have a green pillow. i'm like,

01:22:07.65
Mike
ah

01:22:07.84
blindala
why Why wouldn't I have one? you know Just silly stuff like that.

01:22:09.43
Mike
Sure.

01:22:10.54
blindala
But it was it was it was really nice. It was just nice kind of you know hanging with him and stuff like that. But um going to bed, then he, you know ah because the the key was he's upstairs, you know and he can get up, and i he's out of bed and all that stuff.

01:22:23.40
blindala
And I was so telling Kimmy, I was just mildly concerned about the stairs, because I'm like, is he okay? as he was If he gets up, will he walk towards the stairs? you know

01:22:32.15
Mike
Right.

01:22:32.42
blindala
I don't need that shit. Yeah.

01:22:33.87
Mike
see

01:22:34.64
blindala
And she's like, well, we'll just tell him, you know, we'll tell him to make sure that if he needs anything, they just call out for you. So Brian and I prepped him, you know, before they left. And I said, yell as loud as you can. Yo, grandpa.

01:22:44.83
blindala
So he's like, grandpa, not really loud, you know, but like, you gotta be able to yell louder than that.

01:22:46.64
Mike
Right.

01:22:50.43
blindala
So I'm putting him to bed. And I said, do you remember what our, what our deal is? Cause I kept saying anything. I tell him like deal. And he's like, deal, you know?

01:22:56.64
Mike
right

01:22:56.85
blindala
So that was kind of the thing. But I said, you remember our thing with the, you know, if you need anything, right. And he says, yeah, he goes, I gotta, I gotta call grandpa if I need anything.

01:23:04.58
Mike
Right.

01:23:04.75
blindala
Or, you know, call for you, grandpa. And I said, yes. So I'm about to walk out of the room and he's like, he kept saying something to repeating. I couldn't figure out what he was saying. And then finally, he's like, I need something. I'm like, what do you, what do you need? And he's like, I need something. I'm like, you got to tell me what you need.

01:23:19.83
blindala
And and finally, he's like, he's like, my stomach hurts. I don't feel good. I'm like, are you so are you sure? you have to go to the bathroom? He's like, you know, he goes, I need something. Finally, he said he goes, he goes, I'm sad.

01:23:30.04
blindala
He goes, I miss mommy and daddy. I'm like, oh, I'm like, oh, no, I get it.

01:23:31.60
Mike
yeah

01:23:33.57
blindala
I'm like, look, worry about it man. I said, I told you, I said they they went to watch music.

01:23:37.70
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:23:37.75
blindala
I said, when you wake up, they will be here.

01:23:40.04
Mike
Right.

01:23:40.72
blindala
Then he's like, okay. And then started to cry when I walked out of the room, 10 second cry and then went to sleep.

01:23:45.42
Mike
Uh-huh. Right. Mm-hmm.

01:23:47.69
blindala
And I'm like, it's just, it was, I don't know. He's, he's such he's such a good kid. He's just so easy to, so easy to deal with. But I mean, he is, he's a three and a half year old. He's still even a little bit, um,

01:23:55.71
Mike
right

01:23:57.93
blindala
he doesn't run me ragged like he did a couple of years ago. I mean, that was tough when he was, you know, year and a half, two years old.

01:24:01.38
Mike
if

01:24:03.56
blindala
I mean, he's fucking running my ass all over to goddamn place, but um yeah, I mean, it was, it was fun. It was nice. And then, you know, they'll, they'll be here tonight and then we're heading out to we're heading out in the morning out to Ohio.

01:24:09.97
Mike
Cool.

01:24:14.18
Mike
Right.

01:24:15.03
blindala
So, so yeah, I mean, I don't know. Did we mention that? there We're all getting together out there.

01:24:18.66
Mike
ah We didn't mention it on here.

01:24:18.76
blindala
i don't even remember if we were,

01:24:20.46
Mike
I already knew about it, but I don't think our listeners did. Right.

01:24:23.80
blindala
No, I know you knew about it, but I couldn't remember if we we said we were going to get together, but probably didn't talk about it.

01:24:24.72
Mike
Right. it it

01:24:29.17
blindala
So so here's here's the short story.

01:24:29.46
Mike
right

01:24:31.27
blindala
the The place that if anyone has been listening since our since our mom died, um we we actually rented an Airbnb out in Chippewa Lake, which is what, 45 minutes south of Cleveland, roughly?

01:24:40.46
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:24:42.84
Mike
Yeah, something like that.

01:24:44.34
blindala
And it's ah just a small little Lake town. We used to go there when we were kids and kind of nostalgic type of thing. We talked about it in that episode.

01:24:50.86
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:24:51.05
blindala
Um, but, um, our cousin, Jody ended up ah renting the same Airbnb. She was getting ahold of everyone. What? Three months ago, something like that. It was a while ago.

01:24:58.54
Mike
Yeah.

01:25:00.00
blindala
She's like, yeah, we're planning on coming out in August. It'd be nice to have everyone get together. So they actually got two, two Airbnb Airbnbs down there. It's the case, depending the number of people.

01:25:06.60
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:25:08.46
blindala
Um, but so yeah, they got in there. Um, Jody and, uh, her kids. And then i think probably, well, probably Aunt Gail. I don't know if Johnny went down there yet or cousin, other cousin.

01:25:17.80
Mike
All right.

01:25:18.45
blindala
um I think, well, Kathy went out Monday. um So there's been kind of people in and out probably all week.

01:25:21.08
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:25:23.99
blindala
And then we're going out towards the end of the week. Mike and Chris are coming down Friday and possibly Saturday.

01:25:27.35
Mike
Yep. Yep. Yep.

01:25:29.45
blindala
um You know, my son's coming out the whole bit. Um, but yeah, the, the whole, the whole thing was, it's just, you know, having the family get together, which we haven't done in, in a handful of years.

01:25:37.75
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:25:39.47
blindala
So, um, and I looked at the weather out there, it's supposed to be in like the mid eighties and fucking sunny, like for two, three days, fucking wonderful, you know?

01:25:39.95
Mike
Right.

01:25:43.75
Mike
Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yikes.

01:25:48.35
blindala
So, yeah, it'll be it'll be a good time. And then, yeah, everyone's going to chip in some money. And I looked at it again because Derek called me. He's like, well, we're going to be here for what we do. I'm like, whatever you want to do, it's fine.

01:25:58.74
blindala
You know, whatever Jody put in the text, I said, I know what I'm I know what I'm given, depending on the time we're there.

01:25:59.01
Mike
Yeah.

01:26:03.39
blindala
And do what you got to do. Nobody's going to be. it's i said, it's not that type of situation where you're going to walk in and somebody's going to be sweating about ah what to do.

01:26:06.91
Mike
da

01:26:10.95
Mike
yeah

01:26:11.26
blindala
We're just we're getting together. We're all having fun. We're all trying to throw in a bunch of money that that I guess is going to pay for food and whatever. We're just all going to have fun.

01:26:17.21
Mike
is

01:26:18.43
blindala
So, so yeah, it'll be, it'll be good.

01:26:18.60
Mike
Right.

01:26:20.99
blindala
And yeah, just get to hang out and do a bunch of, bunch of halfway nothing for a couple of days. And I think, um I think we're staying until Sunday morning now. Cause well, Kimmy texted me and she's like, she goes, would you have any problem if we stayed Saturday night?

01:26:29.90
Mike
Oh.

01:26:35.68
blindala
She goes, she goes, I'm just kind of thinking about it and trying to figure out it'd be nice to have more than just one day out of the car.

01:26:41.21
Mike
Right. Yeah.

01:26:43.24
blindala
I'm like, I'm like, I don't care. i said, as long as we leave. And I said early ish and by early ish, I mean like nine, we get an hour coming back.

01:26:49.13
Mike
right

01:26:50.45
blindala
You know, we, we gain an hour coming back. I said, I just got, got grocery shopping and stuff to do. If we leave at a certain time, we'll get back here by like two, plenty of time, you know?

01:26:58.82
Mike
good

01:26:59.33
blindala
So I think that's what we're, think that's what we're going to do. And Derek's not sure they're not getting there till late tomorrow night, how long is he's going to stay? But um I'm like, whatever, man, you know, just whatever, whatever works best for you guys, you know, to, to do that. And,

01:27:11.88
blindala
Same thing. I was thinking about this when, you know, the fast pace thing, you know, these, these weekends, I guess, technically it'd be great to come back on Saturday. Cause then I'd have all day Sunday, you know, again, you relax a little bit, you get your stuff done, but you know what?

01:27:23.58
blindala
I mean, i would also read, I'd rather spend that extra time with family. And so what if I got a rush around for a couple hours, they'd do some grocery shopping, you know?

01:27:29.68
Mike
Right. Yeah. Yeah. Good.

01:27:33.55
blindala
Yeah. Yeah.

01:27:35.20
Mike
Good.

01:27:36.61
blindala
Yeah, so so anyhow, so that's so that's that. Yeah, we're all we're all getting together to do some, I don't know, whatever the fuck we feel like, I guess. hey

01:27:44.96
Mike
Sit around and look at each other.

01:27:46.81
blindala
Yeah, exactly. So um if I'm doing the math here, we're getting, what, 28?

01:27:51.06
Mike
Yep, just about.

01:27:52.16
blindala
Okay. um gonna let me Let me tell you this quick quick dating app story real quick. So, again, you guys all heard the the wonderful thing. And, you know, now Mike and Chris are getting married, met on Tinder, this love affair they've had for years, even with the little split you guys had when you shut the world down.

01:28:05.47
Mike
Right?

01:28:05.54
blindala
Thank you. um

01:28:06.89
Mike
You're welcome.

01:28:08.82
blindala
But, you know, I mess around on a dating apps. And again, it is his choice in a lot of cases. And, you know, I i don't know these days. Sometimes I do. and I've said it before. I wonder why I even go on dating apps because what the fuck am I going to do?

01:28:20.47
blindala
You know, because depending on where the person is, but people are more mobile, people are more open to, you know, ah maybe ah if people travel, whatever the case is i'm I'm like, I'm not going to stop trying to meet people because just because I travel around.

01:28:33.32
Mike
Right.

01:28:33.46
blindala
I'm not going miss out on potential opportunities. Why cheat myself? Or somebody else can say somebody else.

01:28:39.31
Mike
Right.

01:28:40.48
blindala
But no, you know what i mean? why why lose Why lose an opportunity?

01:28:41.63
Mike
i do. Mm-hmm.

01:28:43.46
blindala
So fuck it. Whatever works, works. So um I think I mentioned the the app called um Lucid, L-O-O-S-I-D, probably couple years ago um now.

01:28:52.78
Mike
Hmm. Okay.

01:28:55.61
blindala
But they're a it's a recovery app, but they also have a dating side of things, which their dating app was fucking shit a couple years ago. they i think they just threw it together and it it never worked and whatever.

01:29:02.52
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:29:06.05
blindala
um But I got something recently. It's like, oh, make make sure you come back, check out the dating app, whatever. I haven't even been on their recovery app, but their their founder at some point, I can't remember the guy's name, but I see him on and social media and Instagram and stuff like that.

01:29:18.77
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:29:19.19
blindala
He might be an interesting guy to have on here. I think he's in Chicago, um but doing a lot of things in the recovery community.

01:29:21.80
Mike
Yeah. Okay.

01:29:25.21
blindala
I think he's got a pretty good story, but I don't know. I might try to reach out to the guy at some point so you can get him on here.

01:29:29.95
Mike
Nice.

01:29:30.65
blindala
But so, so I popped on the dating app the other day, built up the profile. like, oh, wow. You know, this and that. And it's one of those ones where literally as soon as you sign up, there's like, there's like 14 people. It's like, look at all these people that like you pay us and you can see it.

01:29:42.43
blindala
And I'm like, there's no fucking way all these people like to me already. So I'm like, i get, I know where you do.

01:29:45.11
Mike
Right.

01:29:47.14
blindala
I know what you're doing or trying to do.

01:29:48.30
Mike
Right.

01:29:50.37
blindala
So maybe it was yesterday or say, I can't remember. Maybe let's call it yesterday. Um, match with this individual. And they were ah like outside of Chicago, whatever it is, 40 minutes away.

01:29:59.58
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:29:59.62
blindala
Um, you know, decent looking person.

01:29:59.72
Mike
Mm-hmm. Okay.

01:30:01.44
blindala
i didn't see how long they've been sober, but couple of comments are not like really, um, detailed app or, uh, pages or anything like that or profiles. Um, you know, but, uh, I, I swiped on this person and matched and I'm like, sent this thing.

01:30:14.93
blindala
I'm like, Hey, nice to meet you. Um, how long you've been sober, but been listening to that, blah, blah, blah Just brief little intro. And the person's name, her name was mi Miriam. Um,

01:30:23.87
Mike
okay

01:30:24.64
blindala
But age appropriate. She's 50. you know So I'm like, okay, I'm not trying to you know dig into you know the 30s or anything like that. yeah I just figured I'd say that. She was age appropriate.

01:30:34.43
Mike
Right.

01:30:34.80
blindala
so So I get this message back. And you know I saw the work and whatever opened the message. And the message says, um hi, my name is Miriam.

01:30:45.99
blindala
It's very nice to be meeting you. And I'm like, Jesus fucking Christ. This is, it's a, it's obviously a bot.

01:30:53.31
Mike
Right.

01:30:53.48
blindala
It's very nice to be meeting you.

01:30:55.43
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:30:55.68
blindala
And I'm like, son of a fucking bitch. I delete, delete this, delete that.

01:31:00.77
Mike
Yep.

01:31:01.98
blindala
I'm like, God damn it. You know, and there's this, it's just, it is what it is. That's my experience with dating apps. Just in general. it's it's It's either some person looks like that's fucking fake or I start talking to somebody and they're like, oh yeah, by the way, i'm not this isn't what I want.

01:31:18.18
Mike
Right.

01:31:18.49
blindala
Okay. but i in And part of me really, the curious part wants to know why, but I don't even, if somebody even gets to that point, you're like, hey, you know, this is cool, but I'm like, that's fine. I don't try to fight it anymore.

01:31:31.21
Mike
Right.

01:31:31.39
blindala
i mean, why why would I? I don't care. i'm not Same thing you said.

01:31:33.03
Mike
Well, yeah.

01:31:34.12
blindala
not going to try to fight for some goddamn thing.

01:31:36.20
Mike
Right. Yeah. Well, like you said, you're not begging.

01:31:39.50
blindala
yeah

01:31:39.49
Mike
Please, please love me. Please.

01:31:42.39
blindala
yeah So did I tell you about the one in Tennessee real quick? Probably not.

01:31:47.06
Mike
Yeah, don't know.

01:31:49.05
blindala
Okay, so this was on um the the app Bumble. So obviously once you match, the woman you know normally would would respond to you. But they have a thing now where the um the the female can actually have a preset intro so you could respond right away, ah which this this individual did.

01:32:02.86
Mike
Oh.

01:32:04.08
blindala
And she was 54. fifty four So again, age appropriate.

01:32:08.06
Mike
Right.

01:32:08.23
blindala
Interesting enough.

01:32:08.46
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:32:10.07
blindala
Drinking was rarely. And that was like one of the first questions I asked her. We matched and I sent her a message. Nice to meet you. Blah, blah, blah. And I, as I said, when you said rarely, what do you mean about drinking? She's like, you know, somebody happens to hand me, um you know, a drink at, you know, New Year's or a wedding or something like that.

01:32:24.40
blindala
She's like, I'll take it.

01:32:24.52
Mike
Uh-huh.

01:32:25.12
blindala
But kind of like sound like a Chris thing, you know?

01:32:27.52
Mike
Right. Okay.

01:32:28.06
blindala
um Speaking of that wonderful woman of yours. Hi, Chris.

01:32:30.63
Mike
Sure.

01:32:31.00
blindala
okay

01:32:31.11
Mike
Yeah, right.

01:32:32.34
blindala
So we're talking back and forth for like, you know, four or five days. And then, um you know, I said, hey, i said, if you if you want to talk and i I didn't realize it. But in that app, you can talk through the app um because she wasn't bringing up up anything about, hey, do you want to exchange phone numbers?

01:32:42.95
Mike
Right.

01:32:46.28
blindala
And I try not to push people because I you know how things are these days.

01:32:47.10
Mike
sure yeah right right

01:32:51.16
blindala
And I said, I said, hey, if you want, if you want to talk, you know, maybe, you know, get to know each other a little bit better. It's after three, four days.

01:32:56.77
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:32:56.80
blindala
I said, we can actually call through the app. She's like, ah you know, I normally just give people my phone number if you want to talk. Give her my number. So we start texting one day of texting and nothing out of the ordinary. lot of questions going back and forth, this and that.

01:33:08.84
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:33:09.66
blindala
And then um there's like this delay for like half the day. And I mean, I don't know. didn't think anything of it. Probably busy working, whatever.

01:33:15.71
Mike
Sure.

01:33:15.83
blindala
um And she sends this message and says, she's like, um you know, appreciate all the questions in the back and forth, but this is not what I'm looking for. I wish you the best and blah, blah, blah.

01:33:26.95
Mike
ah

01:33:27.00
blindala
And first I'll get a message and I'm like, what the fuck, man? And I'm looking back, there's nothing in the text messages. Cause there was like, you know, five or six texts, very few, nothing back in the messages, everything was qualified.

01:33:36.83
Mike
Sure.

01:33:39.05
blindala
And she gave me your fucking phone number. And, uh, I just said, said, you know what? I kind of felt the same thing. Cause it was just like this long delay for like two days in these texts. So i'm like, either she got really busy. She was a nurse, uh, is a nurse.

01:33:50.78
Mike
Right.

01:33:50.84
blindala
Um, you know, I'm like, either she got busy or, you know, something weird's going on.

01:33:54.33
Mike
Yeah.

01:33:54.50
blindala
And I said, uh, I said, wish you the best. I'm like, you phone number, you ever want to you know, chat to get to know me better.

01:33:57.74
Mike
right.

01:33:58.84
blindala
I said, feel free. And, you know, the whole point is like, I'm like, whatever, whatever the deal is, it would be great to know. But like you said, I, I, mean I mean, she had no issue with my sobriety, no issue with the fact that I traveled.

01:34:05.82
Mike
right. All

01:34:10.47
blindala
She was talking about at some point, wanting relocate or want to travel. She's looking for remote job, all these things kind of lining up where kind of what I was saying before, why not, you know, keep putting myself out there, you know?

01:34:20.88
Mike
right.

01:34:21.92
blindala
And then it's just like, this is not what I'm looking for. And nothing went out of the ordinary. I know what probably happened. I'm guessing you probably met somebody else on there, which is fine.

01:34:29.80
Mike
Right.

01:34:30.38
blindala
um I've had people say that before. You know what? I um in in all this messaging back and forth, I've matched with somebody I think I'm more compatible with.

01:34:37.22
Mike
Sure.

01:34:37.68
blindala
I never had an issue with that.

01:34:39.47
Mike
Right.

01:34:40.57
blindala
I'm like, I'm cool with it. You know?

01:34:41.90
Mike
Yeah.

01:34:42.09
blindala
Yeah.

01:34:42.18
Mike
right. Yeah.

01:34:42.67
blindala
You fucking whore.

01:34:42.74
Mike
Good luck.

01:34:44.35
blindala
You fucking whore. I thought I was the only one.

01:34:46.52
Mike
Right. I thought we meant something to each other.

01:34:51.10
blindala
It's been four and a half days.

01:34:53.08
Mike
Right. There were 10 text messages between us.

01:34:56.78
blindala
I don't know.

01:34:57.95
Mike
I was planning our retirement.

01:34:58.19
blindala
It's just...

01:34:59.83
Mike
Right.

01:35:01.59
blindala
Yeah, and it's just, don't know, it is what it is. But anyhow, just as a reminder, Mike and Chris, wonderful dating story. Tinder of all things.

01:35:09.51
Mike
Right.

01:35:09.76
blindala
Bill, build not so much, but I'm fine with it. I'm okay with it.

01:35:13.01
Mike
Right.

01:35:13.82
blindala
You know, because I haven't found my my Chris anyhow.

01:35:13.88
Mike
right

01:35:17.50
blindala
So it's i haven't I haven't lost anything because I haven't found anything.

01:35:18.10
Mike
right

01:35:22.42
Mike
Right. Well, you know, yeah as we always talk about it on here, balance, right?

01:35:23.32
blindala
ah

01:35:26.52
blindala
Right.

01:35:26.99
Mike
Yeah. You got your sobriety the first time around. You know, I fucking struggled and went back out and we came back in and did.

01:35:30.21
blindala
Yeah.

01:35:34.61
Mike
Jesus Christ. Right. Yeah. So, you know, so I got, I got lucky on online dating, whatever the hell that is.

01:35:42.05
blindala
Right.

01:35:42.26
Mike
ah My first time out.

01:35:45.90
blindala
But, you know and you know, I can't even say that I haven't, and I was joking when I said I haven't gotten anything out of it.

01:35:45.98
Mike
Yeah. It's all about balance.

01:35:52.49
blindala
there are There are five people right now, right off the top of my head, that are still friends of mine, women, um that I met online, you know, that we, whatever form of dating we had um happened for a short period of time and and then didn't, you know, um for whatever reason, didn't work out.

01:35:55.81
Mike
Mm-hmm. Right.

01:36:05.72
Mike
Yeah.

01:36:07.87
blindala
There's one individual that I've never met. I've never met her. We've been on a dating app. She's a little bit, we we matched somehow. It's kind of a mistake. cause She's like, um well,

01:36:16.36
Mike
yeah

01:36:18.05
blindala
based on age. I remember I didn't see how she's younger, um but I mean, really fucking cool.

01:36:19.53
Mike
Mm-hmm. Okay.

01:36:23.89
blindala
And we get along, we along we we talked on the phone, all this different stuff, but you know she was honest with me right away.

01:36:23.91
Mike
Yeah.

01:36:27.19
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:36:28.85
blindala
She matched based on I don't know, whatever it was, how we matched. And then um we started talking and she just honest with me right away. She's like, she's like the reason, the only reason I answered you is because of what you, my opening was, or was kind of funny.

01:36:41.59
blindala
She had, she was afraid of sharks or something like that. and I just said, if we ever get together, I said, I'll at least, I said, you're up, you're seeing like kind of a fucking bad-ass. I said, I'll just, I'll wear a shark t-shirt just to kind of even it out.

01:36:52.48
blindala
You know, and since you're afraid of sharks, you know kind of give myself an advantage.

01:36:53.36
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:36:56.81
Mike
Right.

01:36:57.06
blindala
um But I mean, we're friends. It's been four years.

01:36:59.67
Mike
Yeah.

01:37:00.49
blindala
Never fucking met her, you know?

01:37:01.60
Mike
Right. ah

01:37:02.40
blindala
So, you know, just one one of those things. I'm fine with stuff like that. She's ridiculously cool.

01:37:06.00
Mike
Right.

01:37:06.70
blindala
She's fucking cool, you know?

01:37:06.99
Mike
Yeah. Right. Yeah.

01:37:08.79
blindala
So, anyhow.

01:37:08.94
Mike
People. Yes.

01:37:10.31
blindala
Yeah, people. But, um I don't know. I mean, I think I, oh, that damn we could talk about it, whatever. um I had an update on something else. But, actually, no, yeah, fuck it. We'll have we'll have time.

01:37:20.77
blindala
All these things are going to hold. All these things are going to hold. So, we're good.

01:37:23.36
Mike
They will.

01:37:24.82
blindala
I think we're good. Are we good?

01:37:26.16
Mike
All right. We are good. Well, i' just real quick. joe What do we got going on next week? Anything?

01:37:32.31
blindala
um Next week is so um yeah yeah our guest, Ian.

01:37:35.39
Mike
Yeah.

01:37:36.49
blindala
Oh, I apologize.

01:37:36.48
Mike
Yeah, I know.

01:37:37.13
blindala
Yeah, Ian. Yeah, well well, you know, people are out here getting engaged and getting married and all this different stuff.

01:37:41.09
Mike
Right.

01:37:42.64
blindala
and Yes, um in keep an eye out.

01:37:44.16
Mike
Right.

01:37:45.75
blindala
I mean i sent a ah quick promo out on Instagram just to kind of reignite the fire with that whole thing. But um his name is Ian Fee. Take a look at our Instagram page. I just sent out a ah brief thing today, but that's, I believe, has the name of his book and and all the sort of things on it.

01:38:03.22
blindala
But he's an author. He's been sober for a while. And actually, I'm going to, as I'm talking about this, I want to get the name of his book correct. So let me pop into that real quick.

01:38:09.83
Mike
Mm-hmm. All right. While Bill looks that up, go ahead.

01:38:13.80
blindala
But yes, this... yeah No, his name is Ian Fee, F-E-E. um His book is called Wild Ride to Sobriety. That is available on Amazon.

01:38:25.48
blindala
ah But you can take a look. If you look him up, he's got a he's got a website. um He's been sober for a bit. um One of the ones that reached out to us, his is people, like ah like a podcast company or a booking company reached out to us.

01:38:36.33
Mike
Right. Mm-hmm.

01:38:38.77
blindala
um And it seemed to be, you know, interesting. So, I mean, I

01:38:41.03
Mike
ye

01:38:41.45
blindala
I think we'll have a decent conversation. He's um I followed him on, on Instagram. So I see him every once in a while. He does some motivational things here and there and does some reels on Instagram.

01:38:51.76
blindala
It's kind of active on this stuff, but I think it'll be an interesting conversation. Plus, you know, again, sober, another author and all that sort of stuff. So, but yeah, so we have a guest finally.

01:39:01.48
Mike
a Right. Won't just be us. Right. s Flapping our gums. It'll be another set of gums flapping.

01:39:10.94
blindala
Right. Well, I mean, I just see a thank God, Ian. I mean, if you weren't coming on, I might have to get fucking engaged by next week. So I just ah just dodged a fucking bullet.

01:39:19.77
Mike
Right.

01:39:22.72
blindala
yeah But anyhow. yeah So, yes, we have a guest next week. And thank you, Mike, for remembering that.

01:39:26.98
Mike
Sure. Absolutely. all right. Are we fucking done yet?

01:39:29.97
blindala
We are fucking done. Go.

01:39:31.41
Mike
All right.

01:39:32.02
blindala
and

01:39:32.08
Mike
So thank you, everyone, for listening to yet another episode of Sober Not Mature. always, be kind to each other, be good to each other, go out there, do something nice for somebody else, and don't fucking tell anybody you did it.

01:39:44.84
Mike
And now, from the bottom of my heart to the depths of my soul, from the beginning of time till the ends of the earth, always and eternally,

01:39:57.67
Mike
Fuck you. Now it's time, kids. It's time for you to fuck off. Then keep fucking off. Keep fucking off till you get to a gate with a sign on it saying, you cannot fuck off past here.

01:40:10.61
Mike
Climb over that gate. Dream the impossible dream. Keep fucking off forever.

01:40:17.64
blindala
Yeah, what he said.

01:40:19.05
Mike
Yeah.

01:40:20.45
blindala
And you know what? I was just kind of it'll be curious to see how this, the fact that I can't see the beginning of, I just looked and it's still telling me on, I'm um'm on episode 181, the recording. So going to see how many of these fucking recordings come up.

01:40:30.06
Mike
Yeah.

01:40:32.30
blindala
Cause right now, I mean, I just came in at the, you know obviously it's showing an hour and 27 on my end. It should be what an hour 40. So.

01:40:38.67
Mike
Yep.

01:40:39.29
blindala
yeah so um It'll be interesting. Hopefully that that other recording saved over on the other side. I don't fucking know where it went. So we're in we're going to find out in a minute.

01:40:45.57
Mike
ah

01:40:47.18
blindala
So.

01:40:47.91
Mike
Right. Well, I mean, out on my end, it's, you know, clearly been going this entire time. So, yup.

01:40:54.19
blindala
Yeah. So, oh, yeah. Maybe this will just be, it'll be a separate. oh Either way, what am I going to sit here and fucking talk about this with everyone?

01:41:00.82
Mike
I don't know.

01:41:01.02
blindala
Okay. You know what? I apologize, everyone.

01:41:03.03
Mike
yeah It's late.

01:41:03.06
blindala
I'm rambling. Mike, I love you, brother.

01:41:06.59
Mike
What?

01:41:06.92
blindala
Yeah.

01:41:07.21
Mike
I love you too. And I'll see in a couple days.

01:41:09.74
blindala
Yes, we will.

01:41:10.89
Mike
All right.

01:41:11.09
blindala
Bye.

01:41:11.91
Mike
Bye.