SoberNotMature - Episode 240 (Lonely Men Laughing Like Hyenas)

00:00:02.03
Bill
All right, everyone, welcome once again to another episode of Sober Not Mature. And yes, we are guestless again, but...

00:00:11.77
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:00:12.88
Bill
We didn't get ghosted, okay?

00:00:13.88
Mike
We did not.

00:00:15.10
Bill
So our our good friend David, and David was when we first, David Garcia, we've been promoting him this week. Take a look at Instagram.

00:00:20.51
Mike
We have.

00:00:21.77
Bill
He's an author, been sober for a minute, also a father.

00:00:23.85
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:00:24.79
Bill
Good story. We wanted to have him on. But the coolest part is when we were going back and forth, and I know I told you this, Mike, is that he actually came back and said, hey, is this particular type of headset good?

00:00:31.02
Mike
h

00:00:33.68
Bill
I'm like, yeah, as long as it is, whatever. Well, as it turns out, it wasn't.

00:00:35.57
Mike
Mm hmm. Right.

00:00:37.04
Bill
And there was nothing that I would have known or he would have known.

00:00:37.45
Mike
Hehehehe.

00:00:40.27
Bill
No reason. It just didn't. We weren't getting the good audio. And we we know for you, the listener, although we we fuck around a lot and we say we don't care about stuff, which for the most part we don't.

00:00:43.52
Mike
Yo.

00:00:47.65
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:00:50.18
Mike
Right.

00:00:50.53
Bill
But. But making this bullshit that we that we record, making all this shit that comes out of our mouth, at least we want it to be clear.

00:00:55.47
Mike
Mhm.

00:00:59.22
Bill
Hmm.

00:00:59.08
Mike
Yep. he

00:00:59.85
Bill
And I was going to say legible. That's not the right word.

00:01:02.14
Mike
Right.

00:01:02.19
Bill
Audibly.

00:01:02.25
Mike
Yeah. Yeah. ah

00:01:03.52
Bill
Audibly perfect.

00:01:04.67
Mike
audibly legible.

00:01:05.78
Bill
ha ah

00:01:07.37
Mike
Hehehehehehe.

00:01:07.74
Bill
Yeah. Yes. see ah this is This is why you know me.

00:01:09.55
Mike
Yeah.

00:01:11.14
Bill
This is, again, why there's two people out here.

00:01:11.68
Mike
Hehehehehehe.

00:01:13.18
Bill
We wanted it to be, we want our podcast to be audibly legible.

00:01:18.39
Mike
Right.

00:01:18.03
Bill
I can't even say that three times fast.

00:01:20.49
Mike
who

00:01:21.06
Bill
But so um we're going to reschedule David for the 16th. He was very gracious about it.

00:01:23.81
Mike
We are.

00:01:24.50
Bill
We told him that people that ghost us, we talk shit about.

00:01:24.41
Mike
mm-hmm

00:01:27.20
Bill
But when this stuff happens, we don't. David's a good dude, and we're going to look forward to having him on.

00:01:30.58
Mike
Yep.

00:01:32.11
Bill
But we all literally want them but we want to make sure, honestly, that these these stories that people are going to tell us, that they come across and they're they're good. And obviously for everyone that's that's out there listening.

00:01:41.38
Mike
Right.

00:01:43.62
Bill
So, okay.

00:01:44.24
Mike
oh wow

00:01:44.56
Bill
Patience. Patience everyone!

00:01:46.15
Mike
m He he he he he.

00:01:47.14
Bill
Settle the fuck down. He'll be here on the 16th. It's not that far away.

00:01:50.38
Mike
Right.

00:01:50.52
Bill
But yeah, tonight. So yeah, Mike went in, had to go grab a book. I got sheets in front of me, but here's the funny part.

00:01:56.66
Mike
Uh-huh.

00:01:57.84
Bill
And here's what I thought about when I was printing this off. And again, I'm down to now five, not six sheets because.

00:02:01.89
Mike
Mmm.

00:02:02.69
Bill
I didn't do anything. I added, I added, I'm sorry. I added one thing to it this week.

00:02:06.61
Mike
Okay.

00:02:07.04
Bill
But other than that, i now hey i got I'm fucking lying. Two things I added. we've

00:02:10.88
Mike
Hehehehehehehehehehe.

00:02:12.20
Bill
I added something from the mailbag and something I want to make fun of for a podcast. So two very important things.

00:02:15.100
Mike
All right.

00:02:17.22
Bill
but um you know so i'm down this i'm like i'm like ah i'm like if if if anything happens i'm like we're gonna dig into some old shit tonight i think we're gonna do that ladies and gentlemen we're gonna we're gonna dig into uh almost like the goodwill part of these sheets maybe and just go back kind of a grab bag of stuff

00:02:21.46
Mike
Mm hmm. Mm hmm.

00:02:26.15
Mike
Right.

00:02:30.19
Mike
Hehehehe.

00:02:33.66
Bill
It's all recovery shit, you know?

00:02:34.98
Mike
Right.

00:02:35.74
Bill
So, and I'm sure maybe something will pop into one of our heads to talk about one way or the other.

00:02:36.30
Mike
Yeah. Mmm. mm-hmm

00:02:39.00
Bill
so But um anyhow, Mike, so what's new?

00:02:42.58
Mike
He he he he he he he he

00:02:44.58
Bill
Yeah. No, we're fine. we're We always...

00:02:47.13
Mike
Jersey.

00:02:48.19
Bill
Yeah.

00:02:48.17
Mike
Hampshire.

00:02:49.22
Bill
Yep. yep ye yep yep yep

00:02:50.60
Mike
Mexico.

00:02:51.83
Bill
But yeah, you know, one one way or the other, we're always we're always prepared for this just in case. But, you know, I just want i want to...

00:02:57.25
Mike
I'm as prepared as I always have.

00:02:58.100
Bill
Exactly. So, um but one way that we just want to make this clear, um you know, David, David's a good dude and he's, we're going to have mine just a matter of, you know, again, having him make sure we've got the audio clean.

00:03:04.53
Mike
hu

00:03:09.12
Bill
So.

00:03:09.44
Mike
Right

00:03:10.26
Bill
But I believe, I believe, I mean, we might as well just jump into it.

00:03:11.66
Mike
Mmm.

00:03:13.64
Bill
I got i got shit on here, but I don't have anything that I necessarily need to to tease in here. I already kind of did that we're going to go through some old shit.

00:03:20.59
Mike
Mm hmm. We're going to dig up some old shit and wave it around at you.

00:03:25.94
Bill
yeah exactly but yeah we're we're gonna make fun of a podcast too but then we got a uh We got an email from a one of our past guests, so I want to read that email.

00:03:26.71
Mike
All right. Well, that's good.

00:03:34.01
Bill
so

00:03:34.16
Mike
Cool.

00:03:34.93
Bill
But yeah, but you have a reading. and You said this one's from... actually from today, am I correct?

00:03:38.78
Mike
Yeah, yeah.

00:03:39.73
Bill
Meh.

00:03:39.61
Mike
Well, I mean, because at the very last minute, I had to run across the room and grab a book because I, you know, when we have guests, we don't do the reading. So I didn't grab a book because we had a guest and we did have a guest.

00:03:48.66
Bill
Right. Right.

00:03:52.57
Bill
Right?

00:03:52.78
Mike
he just We just couldn't hear him properly.

00:03:54.83
Bill
Yeah.

00:03:55.11
Mike
So here we go. ah Yes, so I went and grabbed God grant me, and this was today's reading, and it wasn't horrible, so it'll work.

00:04:07.23
Mike
Yeah. Right. and And like I said, ah before we we got on, we may have done this one before. I don't know because they all look familiar because I've been reading this goddamn book for.

00:04:12.27
Bill
Right?

00:04:16.80
Mike
15 years. So, um yeah, it's like, did I read this one on the podcast or just in my head or, you know, or in a group sometime or it all runs together, you know.

00:04:27.21
Mike
um But so.

00:04:27.99
Bill
Well here Here's the other thing, and I and i know that we've we've talked about this before, and I don't know if we really figured it out.

00:04:28.87
Mike
Go ahead.

00:04:33.09
Mike
Mmm.

00:04:33.23
Bill
When did when do you think we started? reading or...

00:04:37.70
Mike
I...

00:04:37.53
Bill
doing the readings.

00:04:38.38
Mike
Right, right.

00:04:38.98
Bill
Was it year one? Was it in the first year?

00:04:40.71
Mike
Mmm. I don't think so. I want to say the second year.

00:04:43.71
Bill
Really? Yeah. And I, well, I mean, it'd be easy enough for me to, I could just take a look back and scroll episodes, but I've never, I've never taken the time to do that.

00:04:48.08
Mike
Hmm. Right.

00:04:51.34
Bill
But that my, my point is, is that worst case scenario, even in a year, I mean, there's, there's going to be, you know, I mean, there's going to be 52 episodes, you know, so sometime after that, but we're on 240.

00:04:55.54
Mike
Right.

00:04:59.66
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:05:02.50
Bill
So sometime in the the last 100, there's 190 opportunities that you've read this, before you know.

00:05:07.73
Mike
it Right.

00:05:09.04
Bill
yeah that's I guess that was my that was my point when he was asking that question.

00:05:11.90
Mike
Yeah.

00:05:12.70
Bill
And I mean, yeah, there's 366 readings in every one of those meditation books.

00:05:17.60
Mike
Mhm.

00:05:17.91
Bill
but there's not 366 good ones are there

00:05:21.18
Mike
No.

00:05:21.82
Bill
40 of them in each book. you know

00:05:23.49
Mike
Well, I mean, God grant me, Scott. higher ratio than that but

00:05:27.39
Bill
Right. No, I know. I know.

00:05:28.27
Mike
Um, yeah, that's kind of why I grabbed it. Um, you know, and, and we've thrown in some as Bill sees it. And, uh, so, you know, yeah right.

00:05:33.39
Bill
Mm hmm.

00:05:34.97
Mike
n odds And speaking of meditation books, actually it's scrolling back through episodes and try to, um,

00:05:37.94
Bill
Yes.

00:05:41.99
Mike
The last time we had a guest on. I don't remember his name because I can barely remember my own.

00:05:48.02
Bill
but

00:05:48.06
Mike
I'm... Barely. um Anyway, he had mentioned a book that sounded really good. and

00:05:54.21
Bill
Oh yeah yeah yeah.

00:05:55.04
Mike
Yeah, and for the life of me, I couldn't fucking remember what it was. And I'm like, okay, well, I'll just kind of half-ass put it in Google. I'll find it. ah No, all this other shit was coming up and it wasn't happening and in blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

00:06:08.33
Mike
So I had to go back to the episode and I knew it was towards the end that he talked about it. So I i pulled up the transcript and I'm like scrolling through the entire transcript trying to find where I finally found it.

00:06:15.53
Bill
Well.

00:06:20.06
Mike
And it and and the book is now on order.

00:06:20.54
Bill
Really?

00:06:22.86
Mike
It'll be here next Wednesday. so um And, you know, I'd have to I still don't know what the hell it's called um off the top of my head.

00:06:33.36
Mike
It is, was, shall be. Hang on, I'm going to my emails, pulling up my Amazon folder, and it is...

00:06:45.12
Mike
so that one's not gonna fucking show it. ah track package. How about that?

00:06:49.35
Bill
Well, that was and I was looking back.

00:06:49.99
Mike
Let's see.

00:06:51.09
Bill
So that was Austin, right? Is that it?

00:06:52.64
Mike
Yes. Yeah.

00:06:53.47
Bill
Yeah. And you know, what's funny is I was just looking back and I'm like, shit, that was July 20th. We haven't had a guest on since July 25th. That's kind of.

00:06:59.28
Mike
Yeah. Hmm.

00:07:00.32
Bill
That's kind of a long run. Well, we didn't really do anything we were supposed to have. I think we're supposed to have somebody on in August, but they got pushed. or I don't even remember what the fuck it was.

00:07:07.72
Mike
Right.

00:07:08.30
Bill
But then.

00:07:07.98
Mike
And then we got ghosted.

00:07:09.75
Bill
Yeah, two weeks ago got ghosted.

00:07:11.39
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:07:11.56
Bill
um We were in Austin. That was the thing with leading to going down to Austin and stuff like that, I think was that whatever. But yeah, it's I. At one point, I know I looked back trying to find that book, too, because I was going to do the same thing.

00:07:22.86
Bill
I was going to order it, and then I completely forgot.

00:07:23.22
Mike
Yeah.

00:07:24.82
Bill
so

00:07:25.05
Mike
Right. Well, I... I actually, um when Puritas had their... anniversary we do a door plot prize raffle and i hit one of them and got an amazon gift card so so i was like oh shit that's what i need to do well because i'm you know Because Touchstones is...

00:07:38.57
Bill
Ah.

00:07:44.99
Mike
getting on my last nerve so uh yeah i will finish the year out because that's kind of commitment that i make to myself but i'm definitely not doing it twice like i usually do plus i'm running out of time so uh I'm not wasting another year on a book that I don't like all that much.

00:07:52.13
Bill
Right.

00:08:01.28
Bill
but

00:08:02.70
Mike
which I've done before a couple times. I've had books that I just really did not like, and I made myself read it a second time another year um just to make sure that I really didn't like it.

00:08:14.42
Bill
Right.

00:08:15.10
Mike
But again, running out of time. So um yeah, it's called stumbling in the right direction.

00:08:19.25
Bill
There you go, okay

00:08:19.66
Mike
by Don M. But yeah, I'm like, you know, um slouching, stumbling. It was like going towards something and I'm getting all these other books and, you know, and I'm like going, okay, like ah slouching towards spiritual meditation book, you know, putting into Google and it's giving me all this other shit.

00:08:39.05
Mike
And I'm going, I know that's not it. I know that's not it. So anyway, I finally found it by going through our transcripts. So thank you, Spotify, for giving us transcripts of this nonsense.

00:08:50.50
Bill
That's actually yeah that's um Zencaster. I have to put it in there.

00:08:54.77
Mike
Oh, okay. Well, thank you, Zencaster and Bill.

00:08:58.83
Bill
Because I actually don't know no if you have if you went through. yay Yeah, I think it is the transcripts. I've got to put that in because that goes through. I don't know. It's either Spotify does theirs and then. I got to put ours in pod page for it to show up to actually get the.

00:09:11.15
Mike
Hmm.

00:09:11.72
Bill
I think the Google search, whatever it is, he either way, some.

00:09:11.95
Mike
i Don't know Well, I went to Spotify and hit transcript and scrolled and scrolled and scrolled and scrolled past all the fucks and finally found the book.

00:09:14.90
Bill
It's either us or them.

00:09:21.79
Mike
so so So for what you do, that work that you put in, even if it's just a little bit, it...

00:09:23.83
Bill
Well good.

00:09:29.86
Mike
It's worth it because I needed it once.

00:09:32.89
Bill
Yeah. And I think, you know, it's funny. It was ah not last week, but the week before, I think that I, cause it just, it was weekends were busy. And then we were in Austin. I was like five weeks behind on uploading transcripts.

00:09:41.30
Mike
Great.

00:09:44.03
Bill
And this was not this weekend. Cause I didn't do last week's episode yet. But the weekend before I'm sitting down, I'm like. I got fucking five of these it's takes

00:09:52.07
Mike
h

00:09:52.57
Bill
that it takes about 10 minutes it took me probably yeah 10 minutes to do five of them it's not a big deal You know, it's not, they're not hard.

00:09:54.03
Mike
Right. Okay.

00:09:58.97
Bill
You know, you just grab them out of, because Zencastr, when when I download the episode out of Zencastr, it gives me basically in an MP4, which would be our video file.

00:09:58.93
Mike
Right.

00:10:08.42
Bill
It gives me a WAV file, which is the one we use, and then the tran to the text transcript out of it.

00:10:12.68
Mike
Yeah. Right.

00:10:14.04
Bill
you know so i get everything you know out of there but uh

00:10:15.95
Mike
if you would like a transcript of this episode or any other episode send a self-addressed stamped envelope to go fuck yourself

00:10:24.67
Bill
And just, just cap yeah go to.

00:10:24.69
Mike
If you would like a Heh. Care of North Pole.

00:10:28.57
Bill
yeah right actually i think you you could probably go if you could go to our website and copy and paste all of it or like yeah like mike did go to spotify like you can have whatever you want it's all itself everything we have is fucking free range and it's not like we're making a goddamn money off of it so

00:10:33.52
Mike
two Yeah.

00:10:39.18
Mike
fool fool fool Right.

00:10:42.84
Bill
but yeah so anyhow anyhow back to back to uh what is it god what god who grant me what What grants me what?

00:10:43.86
Mike
Alright. Heh heh heh heh heh. god yes somebody grant me to grant me the goddamn anyway um yes god grant me this september 25th oh speaking of dates and and i'm gonna fuck it man i'm all over the place because i'm planning on talking so i guess i'll talk um I know it you had it four days ago, and today I have 6 ,000 days sober.

00:11:03.42
Bill
Ha ha.

00:11:11.14
Bill
Yeah, wasn't that cool?

00:11:12.01
Mike
Yeah, it is. Yeah.

00:11:13.40
Bill
Yeah, and you know what's funny too is that, and I don't know if you if you paid attention to the hours. I didn't look at yours when I saw it on online today.

00:11:20.75
Mike
I didn't put the hours.

00:11:20.98
Bill
but

00:11:21.39
Mike
I just put the date yeah days.

00:11:23.50
Bill
But it was 6 ,000. And then by the time when I looked at it, it was like 144 ,005 or something like that.

00:11:30.93
Mike
mm-hmm

00:11:31.30
Bill
I'm like, that would have been fucking cool if it would have been the right time to get 6 ,000 and 144, whatever it was.

00:11:36.44
Mike
Right.

00:11:36.94
Bill
It was a lot of fucking hours, but zeros on that.

00:11:38.41
Mike
Yeah.

00:11:38.87
Bill
And I was like, you know, I just, I do that.

00:11:39.37
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:11:40.58
Bill
I like to, I like to even numbers, but yeah, 6 ,000, that's a lot of fucking days, you know?

00:11:43.14
Mike
6 ,000, right. and And, you know, i so I posted that on the old Facebook today.

00:11:47.73
Bill
Right.

00:11:47.68
Mike
And yeah. And i had speaking of Google, I went, so how long is 6 ,000 seconds?

00:11:56.37
Bill
Heh heh heh heh.

00:11:55.99
Mike
Right? Just to compare.

00:11:57.70
Bill
Right.

00:11:58.33
Mike
and and it's It's an hour and 40 minutes.

00:12:01.51
Bill
Oh, okay.

00:12:01.62
Mike
And I was like. And I was like, wow, OK, well, then I can't because I was going to put like minutes and yeah whatever, you know, probably couldt I couldn't. There was a time when I couldn't even go 6 ,000 minutes. No, there was a time I couldn't go 6 ,000 fucking seconds.

00:12:14.77
Bill
Right.

00:12:15.16
Mike
Yeah, right.

00:12:15.43
Bill
You said it was an hour and 40 minutes?

00:12:17.26
Mike
Yeah.

00:12:18.12
Bill
Hmm.

00:12:18.65
Mike
Yeah.

00:12:20.66
Bill
Yeah.

00:12:20.52
Mike
Right. i

00:12:20.79
Bill
ida

00:12:21.46
Mike
i was kind of surprised too but yeah right so i was like oh yeah i i couldn't go

00:12:21.64
Bill
Wow.

00:12:26.13
Mike
6 ,000 seconds at one point in my life you know Either I was... Unconscious, or I i fucking... Or I was putting something in me.

00:12:37.10
Bill
Well, you know what? and um I mean, I didn't, well, so let let's put it this way. I wasn't consuming. you know for like four hour stretches from when i went to work and then you know i but i had alcohol in me

00:12:44.42
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:12:47.35
Mike
Right.

00:12:49.98
Mike
Oh, yeah, right. It was in your system.

00:12:52.12
Bill
Right. You know, I, so yeah, going without, I don't know how many, it but yeah, I mean, when, when I was home, yeah, I didn't go an hour.

00:12:52.61
Mike
Yeah. Yeah.

00:12:56.75
Bill
Cause I, I wake up and I drink, I wake up at night, I drink.

00:12:57.43
Mike
No. Yep.

00:12:58.95
Bill
um Drink until I went to bed.

00:12:59.99
Mike
Is this?

00:13:00.100
Bill
I mean, yeah, it was, yeah, I mean, an hour and 40 minutes. Like, yeah, fucked fuck that's fuck that.

00:13:04.61
Mike
Exactly. Yup.

00:13:08.97
Bill
Oh, quick quick side note there. so And I don't know if anyone if anyone ever pays attention to football on here, but I've been a Packer fan for far too fucking long. And they are, I mean, they're... They've been bad.

00:13:19.24
Bill
for a number of years they're oh they're fucking terrible and i mean to the point where like you're like Oh my.

00:13:19.86
Mike
Mm-hmm

00:13:22.62
Mike
Right.

00:13:25.26
Bill
god you know these they're professionals you know Really?

00:13:26.07
Mike
Right. Hmm.

00:13:28.84
Bill
Are they professionals?

00:13:29.12
Mike
ah Come on, man. I mean, where am I sitting?

00:13:33.26
Bill
Well, I know, I know, but, but any, but anyhow, so, so I'm watching the game and I mean, they ended up, I think they had like the Falcons beat them. The Falcons beat them last night, 35 to 14. And the Packers are favored by four and a half as a first home opener.

00:13:42.26
Mike
Yep.

00:13:45.76
Bill
They've lost at Lambeau in 13 years, all these different fucking things.

00:13:48.07
Mike
Alright.

00:13:49.09
Bill
And Al Michaels and his other Yahoo announcer, they're all talking about all this different stuff. I have nothing against the announcers because all they're doing is they're stating facts and they're, they're interesting facts because they're, they're fucking terrible.

00:13:56.71
Mike
Uh huh. They're filling time because it's a shitty football game.

00:14:00.61
Bill
Oh, yeah. And they're fucking terrible facts, you know, um you know, terrible against the backers.

00:14:02.64
Mike
Right.

00:14:05.19
Bill
But so. Bob and Brian this morning, which is a morning show that I listened to, they were talking to their sports guy, and they said, that I think that the Packers had a total of...

00:14:08.45
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:14:14.08
Bill
17 yards of rushing last night, okay?

00:14:16.85
Mike
All right.

00:14:17.63
Bill
because they're they're running back, beat up his girlfriend or was in a fight with his girlfriend. So so he's on like this suspension or whatever, this whole point.

00:14:21.98
Mike
Of he did. Uh-huh.

00:14:26.06
Bill
so um he said that they're they're talking they're they're like Tim's their sports guy, and they're like, Tim, we're going to have to go back to you know to the 90s or it's the late 80s. When we used to start we used to actually when we report the yardage that the Packers had running yards, we started reporting it in inches because that's the only way it made it sound good.

00:14:44.28
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:14:44.51
Bill
you know So they had 17 yards. They didn't put it up by inches. They had however many you know when it was 17 by 12.

00:14:51.29
Mike
Right.

00:14:52.27
Bill
Or no, it's not 17, 17 by 36.

00:14:52.15
Mike
Right.

00:14:54.87
Bill
And then um say, oh, they had this many, this many.

00:14:54.77
Mike
Yeah.

00:14:57.43
Bill
inches. And I just started laughing because I'm like. Might as fucking well, you know, because, oh, they're fucking terrible.

00:15:02.74
Mike
Eh?

00:15:04.10
Bill
They're just fucking terrible.

00:15:04.43
Mike
Yeah.

00:15:05.31
Bill
it' So anyhow, that that's just reminded me of it when you said the 6 ,000 seconds, because first of all, it makes sense.

00:15:05.34
Mike
Right.

00:15:09.27
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:15:10.18
Bill
And I agree with you, but. Yeah, it reminded me of a terrible football team.

00:15:14.13
Mike
Heh heh heh heh heh heh.

00:15:13.79
Bill
But anyhow. We digress again.

00:15:16.77
Mike
We do. All over the goddamn place.

00:15:19.60
Bill
God grant me.

00:15:20.54
Mike
God Grab Me, September 25th. 6 ,000 days for me today. All right. ah ahem Ah, the reading arrogance will always seek its own destruction.

00:15:35.12
Mike
That's anonymous.

00:15:37.53
Mike
Let's see. This saying may remind us of a little kid learning to ride a bicycle. Yeah. about the time that she gets it all put together. steering, balance. pedaling, she looks up to yell. Look at me.

00:15:52.25
Mike
Then crash, down she goes. It's important that we always stay alert. and a beginner about our recovery. We can enjoy our recovery and be happy about it, but we can't afford to think that we've got it all down cold.

00:16:09.18
Mike
Other people sometimes encourage us to slack up on working our program by appealing to our pride. An old using buddy calls and says, my bachelor party is going to be a riot. We've got a keg and some blow.

00:16:24.01
Mike
You'll come, won't you? It won't be any fun without you. We must never forget that these are things we need to do to stay sober. First things first. Keep. peddling.

00:16:37.10
Mike
Prayer for the day. Higher power. I know it's the process of recovery, not my pride, that keeps me sober. Please help me keep working that recovery process.

00:16:48.67
Mike
Today's action. Well, shit, I guess we have to take some action. Today, I will think about the times I've wanted to take my recovery for granted and slip and slide a little in the way I work my program.

00:17:01.82
Mike
How was pride involved?

00:17:05.27
Bill
hey So first of all, um I laugh every year about the the keg and the blow and whatever.

00:17:07.05
Mike
Yep.

00:17:09.69
Mike
Yeah.

00:17:10.46
Bill
there was ah It was year, it might have been year two because I think I know where I was.

00:17:10.82
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:17:13.94
Mike
Hehehehe.

00:17:14.55
Bill
I think I was in working for the company in Fairlawn when I did this.

00:17:17.89
Mike
Aha.

00:17:19.23
Bill
um whatever Whatever day this was, I was working for that company down there. I remember I texted Mike that morning and I said,

00:17:24.34
Mike
Mhm.

00:17:24.80
Bill
Dude, I've got a keg and some blow.

00:17:26.57
Mike
Hehehehehehe.

00:17:27.37
Bill
You'll come, won't you?

00:17:28.45
Mike
Hehehehehehehehehehe.

00:17:29.88
Bill
you know Because we we would do that to us to each other every once in a while because it would just fucking cracked crack us up.

00:17:32.80
Mike
Uh huh.

00:17:34.16
Bill
so So I might have been, i whatever it was, I remember texting you that.

00:17:37.73
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:17:37.62
Bill
that whole thing is that made me fucking laugh. And you know, at, at the time you used to leave before me in the morning.

00:17:39.92
Mike
Right.

00:17:43.58
Mike
Right.

00:17:44.17
Bill
So, I mean, either before I did my readings or whatever, I mean, we just, did we did not like we sat there and, you know, talked in the morning at all.

00:17:50.13
Mike
Right. No.

00:17:50.92
Bill
um But so that always that always kind of cracked me up. But so the the last part, the action. um

00:17:56.91
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:17:57.65
Bill
the part of a time when we wanted to, you know, kind of slip and slide or get a.

00:18:01.81
Mike
Uh huh.

00:18:02.55
Bill
just i don't know like Maybe you were I'm not going to try to make up the the line again. So can you read that again?

00:18:07.10
Mike
Yeah, today we'll think about the times I've wanted to take my recovery for granted and slip and slide a little in the way that I work my program. How was pride involved?

00:18:18.08
Bill
So do you think it at any point... um I guess i'm I'm guessing, but maybe not just at at any point throughout the process that that you did have one of those moments when you either felt like maybe not even consciously, but I guess I'll put it both ways, felt like you were taking it for granted or wanted to.

00:18:20.81
Mike
Mm.

00:18:30.29
Mike
mm

00:18:34.81
Mike
Oh, well want to all the time.

00:18:36.60
Bill
ah You know, as as soon as i issue this you're like, oh, I'm like, okay, I see what I just did.

00:18:42.21
Mike
Yep. Yeah. shit Yeah. gotta a Fuck. I don't want to do that. I want to do that.

00:18:46.62
Bill
Right.

00:18:46.95
Mike
on you know Yeah. Laying on my couch on a fucking Sunday afternoon. Fuck, I got to get up and go take a shower because I got to go. Fucking sell raffle tickets. Um, you know you know and and yeah and occasionally a Fucking A, man.

00:18:58.30
Bill
Right. No. Yeah, I know.

00:19:02.75
Mike
It's all it is, you know, um and not even selling that many of them.

00:19:07.46
Bill
Right.

00:19:07.62
Mike
ahem But... Um, Yes. So, yes, I want to. um But. uh, you know. ah I have this nice healthy fear of... Okay, if I don't do this and I don't do that. um Fuck.

00:19:25.58
Mike
You know, am I going to? Yes, my pride tells me, no, you you're cool, man. You know, fucking look at you. 6 ,000 fucking days.

00:19:32.43
Bill
you're You're cool.

00:19:33.78
Mike
Yeah, fucking A, man. You got this shit down. Um...

00:19:38.72
Bill
hey

00:19:38.63
Mike
Well, sleep in an extra 15 minutes.

00:19:39.99
Bill
Right.

00:19:42.71
Mike
You know, I don't know. so Some kind of bullshit, which I know is my disease lying to me. I understand that.

00:19:48.57
Bill
Right.

00:19:49.15
Mike
I recognize that now. um And that's fine. And I tell it to fuck off and and I just pick up my books or go to the fucking church basement or do whatever the fuck it is I'm supposed to be doing for my recovery that day. um And it is, it it does come down to a ah healthy fear.

00:20:05.96
Mike
you know um man okay i i yes i'll probably get away with it today i'll probably get away with it tomorrow But eventually, I won't.

00:20:14.93
Bill
Right.

00:20:15.11
Mike
And I know that I'm thoroughly convinced of that. um So. Yeah. you know yeah Yes, it gets in my head all the fucking time. but you know, not as loud and not as often, but it's always going to be there. You know, it's like the the thought of a drink or a drug, you know, I'm walking down the goddamn street and I get a nice whiff of some really good pot. um That, you know, hey, that smells good.

00:20:41.17
Mike
And it does, you know.

00:20:41.71
Bill
Right. right

00:20:43.43
Mike
And and I'm glad that they can. And if they can't, but you know, i'm here I am if you need some fucking help. but I can't. So. you know moving on Um, yeah you know seeing, you know, whatever, man, driving past a bar going, hey.

00:21:01.76
Mike
You know, some hot chick standing out front smoking a cigarette. You know, I could go in there and probably talk her up. You know, and where where's that going to get me?

00:21:09.33
Bill
right

00:21:11.58
Mike
You know, it's it's just going to fuck up all kinds of things in my life.

00:21:11.98
Bill
Right.

00:21:15.31
Mike
Yes, but it's my my thoughts, and but my actions don't follow those thoughts. So. There you go. I do not let it slip or slide.

00:21:28.20
Bill
well Well, good. i I was worried about the slide part.

00:21:30.12
Mike
okay Right.

00:21:31.97
Bill
I don't let it slip, but you know. Little slide.

00:21:34.10
Mike
I will continue to rock and or roll.

00:21:37.25
Bill
Yeah. know, and it's just, it is kind of funny. Like you mentioned the the chick outside the bar smoking a cigarette. Yeah. You know, and it it it's funny. And I talk about it quite a bit. I've got a a note on dating apps from.

00:21:47.98
Bill
uh well a while ago i'll bring it up in a minute but um

00:21:48.14
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:21:51.50
Bill
The. Dating apps in in general, and it is frustrating as that that could be sometimes. And, you know, I mean, I haven't had like ah a regular individual in my life and in a while, you know.

00:22:01.59
Mike
Right.

00:22:01.98
Bill
And, you know, sometimes I'm i'm perfectly fine with that. You know, because I'm like, for for me, and sometimes when... I get. there's There's two things that I... I miss intimacy.

00:22:12.76
Bill
I miss companionship. I miss all those things every once in a while.

00:22:14.59
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:22:15.48
Bill
You know, we talk about, you know, being alone versus lonely. I don't really dip into the lonely part, but there's a, there's probably that, that human connection, um, that, that wanting for that, that connection is probably it.

00:22:19.11
Mike
Right. Mm hmm.

00:22:27.55
Bill
I mean, for once I'm being serious about trying to be a pig, a pig about this shit.

00:22:29.36
Mike
Yeah. Right. Right.

00:22:31.49
Bill
You know, but it's not a matter of being lonely. It's just that I like that. I love the and again, the thrill of the chase and all those sort of things and um everything new in a relationship and, you know, all those sort of things.

00:22:39.21
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:22:42.29
Bill
It's all fucking fun, you know. um But then you're like, well. these fucking dating apps and this and that and seriously i mean i i can talk to fucking anyone

00:22:48.05
Mike
he

00:22:51.37
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:22:52.23
Bill
I actually get a couple of drinks and a chick. I'm like.

00:22:54.24
Mike
Yeah.

00:22:55.60
Bill
You know, i I could talk to her, you know, and I could probably walk out of there and go get fucking laid, you know?

00:22:57.83
Mike
Sure.

00:23:01.31
Bill
Okay, but...

00:23:01.39
Mike
Right. Right.

00:23:03.00
Bill
like Like you just said, what what is it what good is that going to get me, you know?

00:23:05.43
Mike
Yeah.

00:23:06.39
Bill
and And it goes back to that that one that one individual I was hanging out with and she was really, really cool about it. You know, I've hung out with ah and spent. time with normies you know that that knew what my deal was and didn't and didn't drink around me You know?

00:23:14.95
Mike
Right. Mm hmm. Right.

00:23:19.64
Bill
And I never asked him not to, but the one time, you know, I was going over there and we were going to, you know, we used to make dinner together and it was nice to watch a movie.

00:23:25.42
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:23:26.13
Bill
And again, it was just really, really nice. But she had just asked, she's like, you know, I just got, she got. a bottle of wine from somebody.

00:23:33.28
Mike
Right?

00:23:33.53
Bill
You know, and she had when I had texted her and I'm like, I'll be over there in whatever, 45 minutes, you know, and she's like, oh, I got this bottle of wine.

00:23:38.65
Mike
Yeah.

00:23:40.16
Bill
I was going to have a glass of wine. But would that bother you?

00:23:42.80
Mike
h

00:23:43.21
Bill
And I mean, we've been hanging out probably at that point a few months. And I just I gave her my 100 percent honest answer.

00:23:45.84
Mike
Right?

00:23:48.72
Bill
I said, I don't know.

00:23:50.48
Mike
hu

00:23:50.78
Bill
And she's like, you don't know what I said. Seriously, i don't I don't know if it will and I don't know if it won't.

00:23:53.58
Mike
Yeah. Right?

00:23:56.13
Bill
And she said, well, I won't. And I said. It's up to you. But I said, well, we'll talk about it when I get there. So what we did, we were talking about it. And I said, I wasn't trying to be like weird about it. She's like, no, no, no, I understand.

00:24:04.10
Mike
and

00:24:05.41
Bill
She goes, you were being serious. And I said. Yeah. Because I don't know.

00:24:07.81
Mike
Yeah.

00:24:08.68
Bill
I'm not fucking idea.

00:24:08.60
Mike
Yeah. Right.

00:24:10.39
Bill
It may not bother me. I just turn you around and, you know, I don't have to kiss you. I mean, it's fine.

00:24:14.28
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:24:14.46
Bill
Yeah. that's a joke

00:24:16.56
Mike
Right.

00:24:16.37
Bill
Maybe. But.

00:24:17.21
Mike
Hmm.

00:24:17.30
Bill
But I mean, I don't know. You know?

00:24:19.37
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:24:20.15
Bill
So in that circumstance, why take why take the chance one way or the other, given the opportunity, but i'm not I don't want to you know i don't want affect other people's lives.

00:24:24.05
Mike
Right?

00:24:28.68
Bill
But again, to to your point, are there times that I'm like, Fuck it. I just want to go and meet somebody.

00:24:34.52
Mike
Yeah.

00:24:34.71
Bill
And so they happen to be at a bar. So fucking what? You know, I'm not going to drink.

00:24:37.07
Mike
Eh?

00:24:38.64
Bill
You know, but well, today.

00:24:38.77
Mike
Right? Right.

00:24:42.31
Bill
And then what? you know that Like you say, and then what, fucker?

00:24:43.37
Mike
Mm hmm. And then what?

00:24:45.72
Bill
Then what?

00:24:47.13
Mike
hehehehehehe

00:24:46.27
Bill
dumbass because sooner or later You know, again, it's the old, it's the old fucking stupid saying, you know, hang around a barbershop long enough.

00:24:52.73
Mike
Yep.

00:24:53.85
Bill
You know, I don't need to be.

00:24:54.24
Mike
You will get a haircut.

00:24:55.30
Bill
a yeah I don't need to be in a fucking bar. You know, I don't.

00:24:58.30
Mike
Right?

00:24:59.34
Bill
Unless if if you and I, on every Wednesday night, we went and we were in a... Let's just say as a circumstance, yeah we were in ah a bar. DART League. You know?

00:25:09.37
Mike
Right.

00:25:10.11
Bill
which I don't know if you'd ever want to do something like that. I did years ago while I drank.

00:25:13.20
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:25:14.14
Bill
you know And then as ah as a team, we were a sober bar league.

00:25:14.09
Mike
Right.

00:25:17.67
Bill
and then you know our a dart league and we went and we every wednesday night hung out in the bar and played darts

00:25:17.60
Mike
Yeah.

00:25:21.61
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:25:22.46
Bill
I would do that.

00:25:23.41
Mike
Right.

00:25:24.05
Bill
because I was with you and other sober people, but I'm not going to go into a, I wouldn't join a league.

00:25:26.33
Mike
Right.

00:25:29.74
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:25:30.42
Bill
to go hang out with a bunch of people in a bar.

00:25:32.02
Mike
Right.

00:25:32.79
Bill
I just would You know?

00:25:33.54
Mike
Yeah. Right.

00:25:35.38
Bill
So, I don't know. Yeah, that the taking this shit for granted, like you said, and that's why I laughed to begin with. i it's It's really easy, you know, that, um again, hey, hey, 6 ,000 days.

00:25:41.96
Mike
Yeah.

00:25:45.00
Mike
Yeah, right. Hehehehe.

00:25:46.47
Bill
Six, I mean, 6 ,000 days. It says it right there for 6 ,000 days.

00:25:50.49
Mike
Uh huh.

00:25:51.24
Bill
I've done this shit. And I, I mean,

00:25:52.26
Mike
Right.

00:25:53.79
Bill
To an extent. We do got this, but I'm never going to say that.

00:25:56.74
Mike
Right.

00:25:57.44
Bill
I mean, for real, I'm not going to be like, Ooh.

00:25:58.54
Mike
Right.

00:26:00.08
Bill
We got this. And if I do say that, I'm in fucking trouble. you know That's the the minute I think I got this, I'm i'm fucking done.

00:26:03.97
Mike
Yeah. Yeah.

00:26:07.18
Bill
I am fucking done.

00:26:07.74
Mike
Right. Yes. Yeah. The only reason we have it is because we... We continue.

00:26:13.23
Bill
Right, yeah.

00:26:13.70
Mike
Right. And as long as we continue, then yeah, we.

00:26:14.28
Bill
Uh-huh.

00:26:16.83
Mike
kind of got this but you know it's continuing it's it's doing the work on a daily basis Otherwise. yeah I mean, I... you know I got loaded one way or another on a daily basis for a long, long time. um so every week.

00:26:31.38
Mike
talked about rituals and habits and all that, you know, plenty of times. Yes, we still have rituals and habits. We just have different ones now. ones that Keep us sober.

00:26:38.90
Bill
Right. Right.

00:26:40.67
Mike
Yeah.

00:26:41.98
Bill
Well, even, you know, this this whole ah the whole heart thing, the you know, my my mild heart attack that I had almost a year ago now, you know, coming up on a year.

00:26:46.64
Mike
Mm-hmm. Hmm. Right?

00:26:49.18
Bill
um I mean, some of the medications, and I don't even remember which ones they were, unless the doctor tells me not to take them, i'm of course, I'm not going to stop.

00:26:48.95
Mike
Yeah.

00:26:56.31
Bill
um You know, but so there's like at least two out of the five that I take that.

00:26:56.14
Mike
Right.

00:27:00.96
Bill
um that You know, they said the first year is the key for them to make sure that these stents, you know, literally grow into your valves and, you know, so they don't.

00:27:06.72
Mike
um

00:27:07.92
Bill
you know buckle up or anything um So at this point, more than likely at some point, they may say.

00:27:09.14
Mike
Right.

00:27:13.46
Bill
you know, you. you need to stop taking, that you don't need those anymore. you know

00:27:16.80
Mike
Right.

00:27:17.62
Bill
but um ah so again same thing um i'll probably be fine

00:27:21.74
Mike
Yeah. Hehehehehehe.

00:27:24.25
Bill
id I'd probably be fine.

00:27:25.67
Mike
Uh-huh.

00:27:25.81
Bill
you know But I'm not going to do that. And I'd probably be fine to...

00:27:27.44
Mike
Right.

00:27:29.58
Bill
i'd Smoke a cigarette every...

00:27:31.15
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:27:31.18
Bill
once in a while to vape every once in a while as long as i didn't let it get out of control or to eat fucking fatty foods and fast foods and whatever i

00:27:32.68
Mike
Right. Yeah.

00:27:38.85
Mike
Yeah.

00:27:39.06
Bill
but But, i yeah, I'd be fine until I'm not, you know.

00:27:42.53
Mike
um Right.

00:27:44.37
Bill
It's the same goddamn thing. you know what so I got to keep taking my medicine the same way you and I got to keep taking our medicine by doing this this shit every day.

00:27:45.72
Mike
It is.

00:27:52.38
Mike
Yup.

00:27:52.99
Bill
you know mean That's the wrong way to put this. These items every day.

00:27:55.36
Mike
Yeah. Yes.

00:27:57.25
Bill
And we got to do that every day. But and I love that that reading to the whole pedaling part because I could just picture the gig.

00:28:01.46
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:28:02.31
Bill
Look at this. I got this. Boom.

00:28:03.76
Mike
Yeah, right. Exactly. Look, Ron, no hands.

00:28:06.97
Bill
and And the fucking kid just falls.

00:28:10.79
Mike
Yep.

00:28:11.48
Bill
It reminds me of the other reading when you know the the kid, you know' you remember the one, the kid making the cake or whatever it was, and mom does all the stuff and blah, blah, blah, and cleans up the kitchen. and Then the kid takes the cookies to somebody and says, I made them all by myself.

00:28:22.92
Bill
you know

00:28:23.60
Mike
Right.

00:28:24.33
Bill
And you know not not acknowledging the fact that all the help that the individuals need or or that sort of thing.

00:28:28.25
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:28:29.79
Bill
Now, the other thing in the in the reading that I like. um is the And I wrote down stay a beginner, which I know we've probably touched on this subject before, but even in a basic sense.

00:28:36.57
Mike
h

00:28:40.52
Bill
um what do you When you think of staying a beginner, what what does that make you think of? Or what do you what do you consider staying a beginner?

00:28:47.58
Mike
um You know, again, just like keeping your mind open. you know, and not, not saying I've got this, I've got this all worked out everything, you know, right.

00:28:55.47
Bill
Right.

00:28:56.99
Mike
Because. Yeah. I've got to keep my eyes open and my ears open and my heart open. and you know, and whatever, and... and Yeah, because there's going to be something's going to come along and I'm going to go, oh.

00:29:11.97
Mike
Yeah, look at that. That's, you know, this makes it easier. or This makes it better. This makes it, you know, because it's happened plenty of times.

00:29:18.97
Bill
Right.

00:29:19.12
Mike
It happened. in you know two years and five years and seven years. And, you know, um yeah, it happens yeah all the time, not all the time anymore, but, you know, um it still happens and I've got to be open to it.

00:29:33.01
Mike
You know, because I want. I want it to be easier, or better still, you know, I mean, yes, things are pretty goddamn good right now.

00:29:37.89
Bill
Right

00:29:42.07
Mike
And I'm grateful for that, but. Hmm? you know yeah i'll always take easier and better because i'm an alcoholic and i want easier and better constantly So there you go.

00:29:53.43
Bill
Right.

00:29:53.77
Mike
Yeah. So that's that's what staying a beginner means to me is, you know, no, I'm i'm not. You know, we're not beginners anymore. We're not trying to figure everything out. but Again, we don't have everything figured out.

00:30:09.83
Mike
so yeah i gotta stay open

00:30:09.89
Bill
Right.

00:30:13.49
Mike
Open-mindedness.

00:30:13.58
Bill
Well, you know... Well, and the other thing, too, is that it reminds me of, you know, just that, I mean, staying a beginner could also be in line with or maybe even a better way to put that is that, you know, when people tell us to to remain teachable.

00:30:25.95
Mike
Mhm.

00:30:25.56
Bill
You know?

00:30:26.56
Mike
Right.

00:30:26.73
Bill
And maybe that's even a better way to put it, as you were talking about that.

00:30:28.83
Mike
Yeah. simpler.

00:30:29.73
Bill
i Yeah, I couldn't think of the other saying and then it popped into my head. But, you know, I mean, we've got.

00:30:32.73
Mike
Yep.

00:30:34.82
Bill
I mean, think about, you know, that's just ah that's a life thing when people talk about that. You know, learn something new every day.

00:30:40.04
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:30:39.73
Bill
You always got to learn something new. And, um you know, I mean, we... in In a lot of things, I know for a fact, because I've tried all these different goddamn things, you know, that on whatever it is, I know this is the way that works.

00:30:47.81
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:30:51.28
Bill
You know, maybe if nothing else, this is the way that works.

00:30:51.79
Mike
Right.

00:30:54.64
Bill
for me, you know.

00:30:55.80
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:30:57.02
Bill
And maybe this isn't the the easiest way and this isn't the textbook way for me to do a thing.

00:30:59.100
Mike
aha

00:31:01.86
Bill
And I'm not talking about recovery, just talking about whatever this is.

00:31:03.20
Mike
Right.

00:31:04.80
Bill
I'm like.

00:31:05.00
Mike
Anything, right.

00:31:05.72
Bill
yeah what yeah physically, mentally, I need to do things this way.

00:31:09.51
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:31:10.09
Bill
because I've tried the other ways and they I can't do it the other way.

00:31:12.68
Mike
Right.

00:31:13.25
Bill
Why do you do with it? Because I have to.

00:31:14.90
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:31:15.63
Bill
I have a goddamn choice. you know I just don't have a goddamn choice.

00:31:18.14
Mike
Yeah.

00:31:19.77
Bill
Or I know for a fact that I've done over the years, I've i've already done this, this, this, and this.

00:31:24.67
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:31:25.05
Bill
And I've done it in this. Different circumstance, but it it applies to this. I can mirror this thing over here that I did 10 years ago.

00:31:31.74
Mike
Mm hmm. Right.

00:31:33.00
Bill
And know that this right now, it's the same goddamn thing. It's just a different color. You know, and and i can I can apply the same model of whatever I did over here.

00:31:37.24
Mike
Right

00:31:41.70
Bill
to hear. So i don't I don't need to learn a new way.

00:31:42.35
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:31:43.90
Bill
I know how to do it.

00:31:45.12
Mike
Right.

00:31:45.16
Bill
you know But again, I'm not trying to take shortcuts with anything anymore either.

00:31:48.68
Mike
um

00:31:49.04
Bill
You know?

00:31:50.24
Mike
Right.

00:31:51.06
Bill
And we're...

00:31:50.85
Mike
unless it's a good one.

00:31:52.23
Bill
you know Exactly.

00:31:52.14
Mike
Hehehehe.

00:31:53.62
Bill
But you and I were talking about this a handful of years ago that, um and I think i I'm sure I brought it up on here at one point. It's it's funny that, and I know for a fact it's it's happened certainly since I got sober, that I started reading directions again on on things when I was putting things together.

00:32:05.27
Mike
m Mhm. Right. Mm hmm.

00:32:10.42
Bill
You know, cause you get these, whatever it is, you know, something you have to build. And I've always been relatively mechanically inclined, you know, I.

00:32:13.79
Mike
Right. Mm hmm.

00:32:16.86
Bill
can work with my hands. I could build some shit, and whatever. You know, but, you know, you you get I'm like, ah I know how to put this fucking thing together. you know start And then you get done and you're like, you got this.

00:32:23.68
Mike
Right.

00:32:25.97
Bill
piece of wood left and in eight screws and you're like

00:32:27.23
Mike
Mm hmm. Yep.

00:32:29.32
Bill
what the fuck and you got to take the goddamn thing all apart

00:32:30.46
Mike
Right.

00:32:33.20
Bill
You know, and then you look at the direction. It's like motherfucker

00:32:36.41
Mike
Yep.

00:32:37.06
Bill
Back on. Step number two.

00:32:38.99
Mike
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

00:32:39.90
Bill
Out of 12.

00:32:41.05
Mike
Yep.

00:32:41.34
Bill
I missed this part.

00:32:42.86
Mike
Yup.

00:32:43.60
Bill
You know, and I put the whole goddamn thing backwards.

00:32:46.30
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:32:47.18
Bill
You sit down at my desk and I'm facing the wrong way, you know?

00:32:49.79
Mike
a

00:32:50.53
Bill
Like, God damn it. But, um yeah, and that's the same thing. You know, be open, be teachable, um follow directions. how simple How simple is that? But, I mean, how how difficult we.

00:32:57.99
Mike
h

00:33:00.35
Bill
you know we fucking people making for ourselves

00:33:02.31
Mike
We do.

00:33:04.90
Bill
But so what else? What else for the reading? I mean, anything else that's, you know, kind of jumped out at you or anything else? ah in that

00:33:11.29
Mike
I mean, well, you know, back to the keg and some blow. um you know of course no but i mean you know other people.

00:33:14.61
Bill
Well, of course.

00:33:19.60
Mike
Right. You know, having ah having. And... They probably, you know, they don't even mean it maliciously. They're just, you know, they're just being themselves or whatever. I mean, you know, most of the time.

00:33:31.58
Mike
People don't care enough to be malicious towards you.

00:33:34.35
Bill
Right.

00:33:34.30
Mike
They're just being themselves. and We've got to you know be on guard. of you know ah You don't need to go. You don't need to go to that meeting. Come on, let's go to the game or you know whatever. Let's go to the... the something, you know, you don't need to go and do this or that, or, you know, we're getting up early and going fishing.

00:33:50.53
Mike
I don't know where the fuck that came from. Um, you know, but it's something you'd get up early to do and, you know, and, you know, so yeah, yeah, just, just come on, man.

00:33:54.59
Bill
Right. Right.

00:34:00.04
Mike
You don't need to take that 10, 15 minutes. we got to go, you know, we got to, the fish are biting.

00:34:08.03
Mike
We've got to be on guard and, you know, they're well-intentioned and we care about these people and whatever. They don't mean anything bad. They certainly don't mean harm towards us, but they'll, you know, try to steer us in the wrong direction.

00:34:20.39
Mike
And and we've got to go, nope, sorry, stick to our guns, man. this is This is a thing I've got to do. And if you don't fucking like it, well, you know, go without me.

00:34:31.06
Bill
o

00:34:31.92
Mike
Wow.

00:34:32.75
Bill
I am so sorry.

00:34:33.28
Mike
Charge.

00:34:34.54
Bill
i I hit... I i had the...

00:34:37.74
Mike
Yes.

00:34:38.27
Bill
Never mind. i'll get to this in a minute i'll explain

00:34:41.11
Mike
but

00:34:42.90
Bill
I'll explain exactly how that happened in just a little bit.

00:34:44.99
Mike
I'm awake now.

00:34:46.68
Bill
after no after the After the break, I'll explain how that why that happened, but that wasn't on purpose.

00:34:51.63
Mike
Okay.

00:34:51.74
Bill
Anyhow, I'm sorry

00:34:52.48
Mike
yeah see well there you go it didn't mean to be malicious you just thought to interrupt my process Fuck you.

00:34:56.65
Bill
Yeah. Yeah, you're and you're talking you're talking about something actually that makes kind of sense. And they go, da-da-da-da-da, which...

00:35:02.86
Mike
I know.

00:35:04.27
Bill
I didn't. again didn't mean to do that yeah as

00:35:05.29
Mike
Okay. Sure you didn't.

00:35:07.51
Bill
i was You know what? Actually, I was trying to prove to everyone. your point that was the

00:35:11.18
Mike
mm

00:35:12.17
Bill
That's a good example of not meaning to be malicious, but then not meaning to be a dick.

00:35:13.56
Mike
Yes. hehehehehehe

00:35:16.84
Bill
And I ended up being a dick. so

00:35:18.48
Mike
Yes, there you go.

00:35:19.25
Bill
Sorry about that. I didn't mean to do that

00:35:20.15
Mike
No worries. I'll stay sober anyway.

00:35:24.32
Bill
But um but now I and 100 percent, I mean, I agree. I agree with all that stuff. because You know, like you just said, you know, people don't I don't think people care enough and people don't think enough to, you know, they they know we're sober and they know we can't do this.

00:35:34.97
Mike
h

00:35:38.36
Bill
They know what the deal is, but they're like they don't think.

00:35:38.88
Mike
aha

00:35:41.46
Bill
you know And that's why we...

00:35:41.55
Mike
Yeah. And they don't know.

00:35:44.13
Bill
They don't have to know, right?

00:35:44.32
Mike
You know. Yeah, right.

00:35:45.23
Bill
Yeah.

00:35:45.26
Mike
Yeah, they don't have to know.

00:35:45.88
Bill
Yeah.

00:35:46.44
Mike
Good for them.

00:35:46.89
Bill
Right.

00:35:47.63
Mike
Right. You know, it's truly good for them, but yeah, you know, ah, come on. You don't, you know, I fucking do. So, you know, and again, if, if, if it's a problem, well go without me.

00:35:54.29
Bill
Right.

00:35:58.84
Mike
Because, you know, I'm going to stay sober.

00:36:01.68
Bill
Right.

00:36:01.85
Mike
Because I read January 6th every goddamn day for at least 90 days.

00:36:06.62
Bill
Right. So do you, and we might, I might have asked you this before, but do you remember a time or the last time that, and I'm not asking if you to name the person if there was one, but do you remember somebody doing that going, oh, you don't need to do this.

00:36:14.52
Mike
Mm.

00:36:18.49
Bill
Come on. You know, we got to do that.

00:36:19.52
Mike
Right.

00:36:19.64
Bill
Did you have that circumstance or no?

00:36:21.31
Mike
Um... No, not really.

00:36:24.57
Bill
And I don't, yeah.

00:36:24.38
Mike
you know it i mean if it if it did happen i didn't pay any fucking attention to it

00:36:29.76
Bill
Right

00:36:29.98
Mike
Because, you know, I'm just there. You know, again, well, yeah I guess you're going to have to go without me. um I guess I can't do that. I guess I'm going to miss whatever this fucking was, you know, um and it wasn't a big deal one way or another.

00:36:44.17
Mike
to anybody including myself. So if it did happen, eh. it It didn't stick in my brain because it didn't fucking matter.

00:36:53.17
Bill
Right. Yeah.

00:36:53.74
Mike
Yeah.

00:36:53.92
Bill
And I don't, I don't. I mean, I'm sure that there have been things that popped up where somebody is like, hey, do you want to do this, you know, or.

00:37:01.13
Mike
Right.

00:37:02.71
Bill
you know, go along for whatever the case is. And I probably said no.

00:37:04.51
Mike
Right. Yeah.

00:37:05.100
Bill
But yeah, I don't remember. I mean, here's a, here's a fun. i don't want to say funny part but here's the cool part you know maybe it's just the Thankfully, the friends that we've had, the acquaintances we had, the family that we're around.

00:37:16.56
Mike
Mm hmm. Right?

00:37:18.52
Bill
um I mean... I don't think either one of us have really had a circumstance, unless I'm mistaken, you know where where people have pressured us and be like, why do you keep doing this thing?

00:37:23.45
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:37:26.18
Mike
Right.

00:37:27.96
Bill
you know Why do you keep going to meetings?

00:37:28.09
Mike
Right.

00:37:29.48
Bill
Why do you keep whatever? you know Because people that we're around, especially family.

00:37:34.52
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:37:34.91
Bill
you know and and friends you know that know us. they

00:37:37.16
Mike
Well, certainly anybody that knew us before.

00:37:39.21
Bill
ah Correct. yeah I was just going to say anyone that's known who knew us prior to they're like.

00:37:40.02
Mike
Yeah. Hehehehehehehehehehe. Yes.

00:37:43.50
Bill
I don't know. you Yeah, keep doing it.

00:37:44.86
Mike
No, yeah you you do what you got to do.

00:37:45.94
Bill
Yeah, you you keep going to them meetings.

00:37:49.10
Mike
Right.

00:37:49.13
Bill
Yep. No, you're fine.

00:37:49.91
Mike
Hehehe. Mm-hmm.

00:37:51.05
Bill
You're perfectly fine. yeah if you You do anything differently, I'm going to punch you in the fucking face.

00:37:55.24
Mike
That's right.

00:37:57.58
Bill
But no, I just, i I do. I do like the reading. I really do. And I think it's ah it's a good.

00:38:01.62
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:38:03.95
Bill
Not only a reminder, but just a good, I don't know, just a good solid, almost like a roadmap of how we need to be and maybe how we...

00:38:09.92
Mike
Uh-huh.

00:38:11.09
Bill
Need not be. if that makes sense.

00:38:12.22
Mike
Right

00:38:12.92
Bill
so

00:38:13.23
Mike
Exactly.

00:38:14.72
Bill
Cool. So nothing else on that.

00:38:16.40
Mike
now No. No.

00:38:17.99
Bill
Okay.

00:38:18.42
Mike
You know, other than, you know, I got to go order a keg and score some blow.

00:38:18.68
Bill
Ta-da-da-da-da!

00:38:23.56
Bill
It wouldn't be the same without you.

00:38:24.85
Mike
Right.

00:38:26.33
Bill
Again, makes me makes me laugh every year.

00:38:26.58
Mike
Hee hee hee. Yeah, you're goddamn right it wouldn't be the same without me. Hehehehehehehehehehe.

00:38:33.58
Bill
All right, so let's... ah I got to get into here. let's Let's dip into the sober, not mature mailbag. How do you feel about that, Mike?

00:38:42.16
Mike
Letters. We get letters. We get stacks and stacks of letters.

00:38:48.76
Bill
I just, I look so forward to getting the fucking email because you're doing that because it's so dumb and I love it so much.

00:38:51.07
Mike
He he he he he he. Yup.

00:38:55.27
Bill
I love it so fucking much. Um... All right. So, ah and I'm trying to think when this was back in. God, it might have been March or April. Maybe it was see even last.

00:39:04.96
Bill
It had been last fall. um andrew remember another man's treasure the guy that was uh

00:39:06.63
Mike
m

00:39:09.93
Mike
oh Yeah.

00:39:10.97
Bill
Yeah. So, um, We got an email. and like First of all, i out of the blue, when i when I saw his name, I didn't remember his last name right off the bat, but then it clicked as soon as I opened the email and he was talking.

00:39:17.75
Mike
oh Right?

00:39:20.89
Bill
but but he said He said, guys, saw you won the Sands Bar Best Podcast.

00:39:21.42
Mike
huh

00:39:26.03
Bill
I just wanted to shout out and say that's fucking awesome and seriously well-deserved. Well, I don't know if it's well-deserved, but again.

00:39:31.85
Mike
No, right It deserved.

00:39:33.60
Bill
again His...

00:39:34.91
Mike
I don't know about well.

00:39:35.83
Bill
His... his His writing, his email.

00:39:38.47
Mike
Right? Mm hmm.

00:39:39.37
Bill
I had a blast coming on earlier this year, but more than that, I got to see firsthand what good dudes you are and how much you genuinely care about helping people.

00:39:47.99
Mike
Mmm.

00:39:48.06
Bill
Really happy for you both. Good people doing good shit. Love to see it. Congrats, fellas. And that was from our friend Andrew from Another Man's Treasures.

00:39:57.40
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:39:57.58
Bill
And I'm going to repeat his website because if you guys want to take a look at it, just as a quick reminder.

00:40:00.78
Mike
Yeah.

00:40:02.27
Bill
And, you know, I should have written down the, I didn't write down the episode. Fuck, no, I didn't. but um

00:40:07.72
Mike
Yeah.

00:40:09.03
Bill
He was, he's the one that's basically, if you've got items of value, he's got a website that he's going to sell.

00:40:14.30
Mike
hu

00:40:15.86
Bill
And, you know, that's what he's called, other man's treasure Another Man's Treasure.

00:40:16.59
Mike
Yeah.

00:40:18.50
Bill
But that is his website, Another Man's Treasure. dot c o okay or he's on uh

00:40:24.10
Mike
Yep.

00:40:26.39
Bill
Instagram at another man's treasure. D-O-T-C-O, so .co on Instagram. But um he's a good guy. We had a good conversation with him.

00:40:33.59
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:40:34.52
Bill
And, you know, he's out there again, you know, trying to trying to repurpose stuff and do some shit for people.

00:40:34.76
Mike
Yeah.

00:40:37.38
Mike
Yeah.

00:40:39.39
Bill
and

00:40:39.78
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:40:40.33
Bill
Once again, just out of the fucking blue, you know I get this. We get these emails from people and i I'm like, it's just, it's it's nice.

00:40:44.60
Mike
Yeah.

00:40:49.20
Bill
it's just so It's just so nice all the all the time.

00:40:49.53
Mike
It is. It is. Yes.

00:40:52.09
Bill
so

00:40:52.77
Mike
Yeah, so thank you, Andrew.

00:40:52.82
Bill
Um...

00:40:53.55
Mike
We appreciate that.

00:40:55.36
Bill
Yeah, we actually we actually really do.

00:40:57.12
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:40:56.76
Bill
We really do. um All right, so let's so let's dig back here.

00:41:01.76
Mike
Mmm.

00:41:01.78
Bill
I'm going to dig back to... um

00:41:04.24
Mike
Fire up the Wayback Machine.

00:41:07.36
Bill
Do you have a Wayback Machine?

00:41:09.16
Mike
I...

00:41:09.58
Bill
That you could fire up?

00:41:09.78
Mike
who I do not. Hehehe.

00:41:13.32
Bill
Actually, you know what? Let me let you take this back. I found one other one that I wanted to talk about. This might be a more recent one. So this is from one of the, I can't remember if this was readings or in a podcast or whatever it was, probably in one of the readings.

00:41:24.52
Mike
h

00:41:24.96
Bill
It says, I'll list people who are winners in this program. I'll ask one of them how he or she keeps going in tough times. Okay.

00:41:31.39
Mike
h

00:41:32.21
Bill
so my My question to you, and I guess the general question is, In the beginning, did you look for, or I guess, did you know, or even think to look for people that were, and I'm going to use air quotes here.

00:41:43.64
Bill
winners and i'll have a second question on that in a minute but did you did you even know like this time around because i know you've been in different circumstances Did you know to look for people who were considered winners?

00:41:46.19
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:41:50.73
Mike
Right.

00:41:54.78
Mike
Yeah. Oh, absolutely. I mean, yeah you know, um did yeah yeah, that was...

00:41:56.46
Bill
Okay.

00:41:59.75
Mike
You know, you want what they have, do what they do, but you have to look for people who have something that you want. um you know and yes successful in the program um you know again you know and not Things.

00:42:05.40
Bill
Right.

00:42:12.93
Mike
um But yeah, you know, the the peace and the serenity and the happiness and the the the joy in their eyes and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, somebody yeah who's because I mean, yeah, early on, Jesus Christ wasn't exactly, you know, happy, joyous and free yet.

00:42:29.06
Mike
um But I certainly wanted to be. And um yeah, you know. i Yes. You know, there's plenty of people sitting in church basements that look fucking miserable and because they are.

00:42:39.54
Bill
Right.

00:42:41.16
Mike
um And yeah, I, you know, didn't want any of that shit. um So, oh yeah, absolutely. I looked around trying to find the people who were happy and, you know, content and yeah.

00:42:52.75
Mike
and And gravitated towards them. Attraction rather than promotion, man. You know, attract me with your fucking joy.

00:42:56.80
Bill
Right.

00:42:59.34
Mike
motherfuckers.

00:43:00.77
Bill
Ha ha!

00:43:03.29
Bill
Whip out your joy and attract me.

00:43:04.92
Mike
That's right That's right.

00:43:07.46
Bill
You know, in... the The reason that I wrote this down, and I've got a second question on here too, but the the reason I wrote this down is because there's there's one incident when I know that I started thinking about that.

00:43:19.05
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:43:19.71
Bill
And it was probably when I was, when did I, I think you became a house father at 30. I was at 60, right?

00:43:24.72
Mike
Something like that.

00:43:24.80
Bill
I said, okay.

00:43:25.80
Mike
Yeah.

00:43:26.39
Bill
So somewhere between probably 60 and 75 days, it was pretty early in the house house father game, I think, or within that first 60 to 90, but definitely.

00:43:31.72
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:43:34.56
Bill
right in that range. um But... Up until that point, I don't. I didn't know that coming in, that that much I'm pretty sure of. I didn't know to look for people.

00:43:44.78
Bill
I didn't understand, or I wasn't aware of, or maybe I just didn't pay attention to the attraction rather than the promotion thing. I know I heard it.

00:43:51.11
Mike
hu

00:43:52.28
Bill
It was all this stuff. But again, I don't think any of that shit sunk in for me.

00:43:55.77
Mike
Sure.

00:43:56.29
Bill
in I just. To begin with, the first thing is I tried to gravitate people I thought might beat me up and make be friends with them so I didn't get beat up.

00:44:03.05
Mike
Sure.

00:44:04.13
Bill
So that was my was my number one.

00:44:04.14
Mike
Mm hmm. Mm hmm.

00:44:06.26
Bill
um And I tried to make friends with as many people as I could. So I had people that, you know, again, would hopefully like me or at least tolerate me and not want to kill me.

00:44:13.42
Mike
hu

00:44:14.06
Bill
And then after that, I just got. taking places you know taking the meetings and that's where i ended up and all this different stuff i don't think i don't think i picked a home group until i was sober for six or eight months

00:44:17.25
Mike
Right. Mm-hmm

00:44:24.24
Mike
Right

00:44:24.87
Bill
you know So I don't think that I finally signed up for Who Do You Know? and I mean, it was a while. I don't remember when, but I just remember it was a while.

00:44:29.95
Mike
Yeah.

00:44:32.16
Bill
but the The whole sticking with people who aren't fucking around type of thing, and that's the way it was put by this individual, was our really good friend Michael Raleigh, who was on here as a guest, whenever it was, a couple years ago, a few years ago now maybe.

00:44:36.43
Mike
Mm-hmm. Mm hmm. Right. Yes. Right. Mm hmm.

00:44:44.79
Bill
um But he had been and he admittedly had been around this shit for a while.

00:44:49.37
Mike
Uh huh.

00:44:49.60
Bill
We knew it then and he said it on his. when he was on for the episode and stuff like that. But I remember being in group and it was whatever. So whoever was leading this group was losing control of us.

00:44:59.78
Mike
mm-hmm

00:45:00.75
Bill
And then people were all fucking around. And I know I was a house father at the time and I was in this meeting. um you know in this group for whatever reason and

00:45:07.86
Mike
right

00:45:08.97
Bill
And I just remember Michael standing up and saying, God damn it, knock it the fuck off.

00:45:10.100
Mike
Yeah.

00:45:13.16
Bill
I'm trying to learn something here.

00:45:14.88
Mike
Hehehehe.

00:45:14.44
Bill
He goes, i' im I'm not trying to go back out again. He goes, I'm not trying to do this anymore.

00:45:18.69
Mike
m

00:45:18.65
Bill
i'm trying to He goes, I need to be hanging around the people who are doing the right right things. He goes, knock it the fuck off.

00:45:22.88
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:45:24.70
Bill
And everyone everyone's just kind of looking.

00:45:24.66
Mike
Yeah.

00:45:25.38
Bill
I'm like, what the fuck's wrong with this dude? But I'm like, i'm like that.

00:45:27.18
Mike
Yeah. Yeah.

00:45:30.22
Bill
is what I want. you know?

00:45:31.29
Mike
Uh huh. Yeah.

00:45:31.95
Bill
Because i didn't I didn't have that at that point.

00:45:33.66
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:45:33.43
Bill
I know I didn't.

00:45:34.51
Mike
Right.

00:45:35.10
Bill
You know, so here's this guy, a number one, younger than me in age, younger than me in sobriety, not die that much, you know, at the time.

00:45:40.58
Mike
Right.

00:45:42.12
Bill
You know, but i I still I wasn't fully into this thing yet. I hadn't grabbed on to everything yet.

00:45:46.48
Mike
Right.

00:45:48.49
Bill
Going through the motions, doing all the shit like, hey, look at me.

00:45:50.56
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:45:51.23
Bill
I'm sober.

00:45:52.48
Mike
Right.

00:45:53.89
Bill
I'm alcohol free than I was sober at the time.

00:45:56.77
Mike
Uh huh.

00:45:57.81
Bill
Um, but that's the time that I remember. And I was like, God damn, you know, he was an inspiration to me, um, at that timeframe.

00:46:01.76
Mike
Mm hmm. Yeah.

00:46:05.41
Bill
you know and i i remember people like that more than i remembered anything else over that um you know so that was that that was kind of my and then from there i i got it you know as far as far as you know looking for people you know that have something and and watching people and you know you're like oh i like the way this guy this

00:46:05.52
Mike
Yeah.

00:46:17.80
Mike
Yeah.

00:46:22.83
Bill
This guy's got the way he walks and moves and swaggers, you know that sort of thing.

00:46:25.53
Mike
mm-hmm

00:46:26.77
Bill
Not arrogance, but confidence. you know

00:46:28.59
Mike
mm-hmm

00:46:29.67
Bill
And just looking for those type of things. And that's what you see in in in Who Do You Know? I saw a lot of that at West Park, you know, at that meeting.

00:46:36.20
Mike
Yeah. Right.

00:46:37.21
Bill
I saw I see a lot of that at Puritz, you know, and, you know, you can see the people like these are all the guys fucking around.

00:46:40.20
Mike
Eh?

00:46:43.24
Bill
But then these are the guys over here. They're OK. let's go hang and sit with these guys

00:46:45.91
Mike
Mm-hmm Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah.

00:46:49.68
Bill
You know, but yeah, it didn't come around right away. That's for God damn sure.

00:46:52.65
Mike
Mm hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, but yeah, that's just it, man. Taking it fucking seriously and and and and because of that, getting the results. you know and yeah that's that's what i fucking wanted man you know yeah not the guys with the the prison attitudes and uh you know the street attitude and all that bullshit it's like dude you know you you gotta drop that or you're gonna die And yeah, and and they didn't get it.

00:47:01.10
Bill
Right.

00:47:16.39
Bill
Right.

00:47:19.02
Mike
and some of them are dead

00:47:20.93
Bill
Right. Yeah, and that's i didn't I truly didn't understand that. It wasn't that i that I thought I was better than them. I just hadn't done i hadn't done any time. I hadn't been in those circumstances. I truly didn't understand that.

00:47:33.60
Bill
that mindset that mentality because i never lived it you know um so i didn't maybe that was a good thing that i i didn't i it it probably scared me more than it than it you know intrigued me or anything like that because I didn't i truly didn't fucking understand it.

00:47:34.71
Mike
h Right.

00:47:38.59
Mike
Yeah. Yeah.

00:47:43.35
Mike
Right.

00:47:46.48
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:47:46.56
Bill
you know So. I just...

00:47:48.54
Mike
Yeah. I mean, you know, yeah. and a Positive thing. Yeah. It wasn't one thing you had to lose, you know, lots of other stuff you had to lose, but that wasn't one of them.

00:47:54.53
Bill
Right.

00:47:58.08
Mike
So that's good.

00:47:59.25
Bill
Exactly.

00:47:59.41
Mike
Right.

00:48:01.21
Bill
So so the second question I wrote down here was, what did you do in the beginning to kind of to keep going through this stuff, um you know, during tough times? and And let's just even say the first.

00:48:12.35
Bill
I don't have to put a time frame on it necessarily, but I'm thinking more of the raw times, that first 60 to 90 days.

00:48:13.97
Mike
m

00:48:17.96
Bill
you know That's kind of when you know we're hurting the most.

00:48:18.55
Mike
Right.

00:48:20.27
Bill
But um what did you do specifically if if things went if you thought things were going weird?

00:48:25.55
Mike
Um... You know, early on, shit really wasn't going all that weird. It really wasn't. um I just you know, I just um I knew I didn't.

00:48:36.72
Mike
i couldn't continue to live the way i was living you know i that that was

00:48:39.21
Bill
Right.

00:48:40.75
Mike
That was the bottom line. um I didn't know exactly how I was going to do this. uh you know the god thing and the and and being sober and You know, how am I going to fucking live my life? I didn't even concern myself with that much. It was kind of there. But it was it was mostly i just I just knew I couldn't go back to the way I was. and um

00:49:03.21
Mike
that's kind of what kept me going it was like look i don't know what the future holds but i sure as fuck know it my past held and I didn't want it.

00:49:11.42
Bill
Right.

00:49:12.57
Mike
Yeah.

00:49:12.56
Bill
Right.

00:49:13.26
Mike
yeah so i mean that was that was the main motivation You know, I just I didn't want to go back to the fucking pain and the misery. And I didn't know how I was. Going to move forward, but it didn't fucking matter I just knew I was going to some way.

00:49:29.15
Mike
you know I just knew I couldn't go back to the old shit. and and didn't didn't want to.

00:49:32.23
Bill
Right. Right.

00:49:34.67
Mike
Yeah.

00:49:35.36
Bill
Yeah, and I think that, I mean, especially when we were at the at the Keating Center, i' actually at the house to begin with, I think that if if I ever felt.

00:49:40.09
Mike
Right.

00:49:43.84
Bill
if I ever felt, you know, weird or out of place or whatever it was, I just, I just went back there.

00:49:46.59
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:49:47.57
Bill
You know, I remember again, got out of work the one time, you know, didn't know what to do.

00:49:48.68
Mike
Yeah. Oh yeah.

00:49:51.26
Bill
And mom and Larry were gone. I had no place else to go. I remember I went to, uh, it wasn't a Best Buy, but there was electronic, it was like two electronic stores in a certain area where, but down by where, where we used to, um, ultimately ended up living.

00:50:03.02
Bill
There was a, well, it was out in, uh, where was I? Rocky river. And then I ate lunch.

00:50:06.05
Mike
Yeah.

00:50:06.98
Bill
I went to Arby's and i I ate lunch. And then I went to this store and I went to that store and I had no place else to go. And um I went, Back to the Keating Center, and I took a nap.

00:50:13.99
Mike
Mm hmm. Yeah.

00:50:14.100
Bill
So I didn't, there was nobody there.

00:50:17.57
Mike
Uh huh.

00:50:17.46
Bill
It was a Saturday, and I'm like, i didn't I didn't know what to do.

00:50:17.72
Mike
huh

00:50:20.28
Bill
you know but the same thing if we were ever um you know if you were ever just if getting in your head you just you go sit up

00:50:20.66
Mike
Right.

00:50:26.83
Bill
sit under the tent and you know go smoke cigarettes with guys you know and those guys are probably thinking the same thing and you i think you said that one time when we were talking out here you're like you just look at a guy and you're like yeah you're going through it too aren't you and a guy looks at you they nobody says anything

00:50:27.99
Mike
Yeah. Yeah.

00:50:37.09
Mike
Yup.

00:50:40.39
Mike
Nope.

00:50:40.83
Bill
but then the guy looks at you he's like yeah you're going through it right now aren't you you know

00:50:43.33
Mike
Uh huh. Yeah.

00:50:44.59
Bill
It's just everyone was in the same fucking pile of shit. you know

00:50:47.84
Mike
Yep.

00:50:48.93
Bill
but um Remember what Kathy said a couple weeks ago at the high school when they let out the fireworks?

00:50:54.32
Mike
Yeah.

00:50:54.47
Bill
Yeah, that that literally just happened. What time is it?

00:50:56.85
Mike
Wow.

00:50:57.41
Bill
Yeah, usually it happens right around 7. And the dogs are in her bedroom, and I just heard them beat one of them. beating out the door. He's like, I gotta get out of here.

00:51:06.15
Mike
Hee hee hee hee hee

00:51:08.49
Bill
But, okay, yeah, so and that's that's kind of what, yeah, I didn't i didn't want to. I don't know that I that i knew any any better at that point that I didn't want to go back.

00:51:15.99
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:51:16.66
Bill
I didn't know what the fuck I wanted.

00:51:18.07
Mike
Right.

00:51:18.48
Bill
But I just knew that i if if nothing else, I knew that it was okay to just go. I didn't have to talk to anyone, but I just felt comfortable and I felt safe just to go sit with a group of guys, if nothing else, and you know pollute my lungs and you know further damn.

00:51:24.69
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:51:31.60
Mike
Yeah.

00:51:32.36
Bill
damaged my heart for years later, or you smoking cigarettes and hanging out with guys that were, yeah, you're going through some shit too, aren't you?

00:51:33.68
Mike
Mm hmm. Right.

00:51:38.92
Mike
Yep. Heh heh heh heh heh.

00:51:41.57
Bill
But, yeah, so, okay. Yeah, the winners, we talked about that. And then obviously, I couldn't remember if we ever talked specifically about... about that sort of thing but i don't remember when i fucking wrote it down but

00:51:52.76
Mike
matter.

00:51:53.47
Bill
Not that it matters. So, okay.

00:51:54.48
Mike
It doesn't.

00:51:54.71
Bill
So so what...

00:51:55.53
Mike
You know what does matter, though? All right.

00:51:58.67
Bill
I do. I do.

00:52:00.63
Mike
Well, we're going to get some words of wisdom from our sponsors, and we'll be right back. back.

00:52:15.35
Bill
Alright everyone, welcome back. And yeah, hopefully everyone got some words of wisdom.

00:52:20.78
Mike
Sure.

00:52:22.58
Bill
And if not, fuck you.

00:52:23.78
Mike
Yeah, whatever.

00:52:23.36
Bill
It doesn't even matter. Whatever. whatever what or whatever

00:52:26.48
Mike
Go spend your money.

00:52:27.77
Bill
Okay. Okay.

00:52:28.33
Mike
Stimulate the economy.

00:52:28.48
Bill
so to be this Okay, so now I'm going to explain why I accidentally hit the hit the ballpark thing.

00:52:31.99
Mike
Yes.

00:52:37.23
Bill
so um i've got in zencaster i've got these sound bites that

00:52:41.91
Mike
a hare

00:52:42.54
Bill
or sit on. set up above and i grabbed the new one which i'm i'm going to tell you about in a minute and that was the when i uploaded that it ended up being the the last one on the right

00:52:46.96
Mike
Okay?

00:52:52.03
Bill
but And all of them were sitting out there. There were a total of. uh Eight of them. up on top and they're all sitting there and accessible and no big deal.

00:52:57.95
Mike
Alright.

00:53:00.04
Bill
But as soon as we start recording the timer.

00:53:01.86
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:53:03.27
Bill
pushes everything over.

00:53:04.83
Mike
Okay.

00:53:05.39
Bill
So it was just the outer sliver of the one that I'm going to want to use here in a minute. And I'm like, out of all the ones that I have, I get rid of the baseball one because that's not a big deal. like Whatever. you know We don't really use them that much.

00:53:15.23
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:53:17.21
Bill
So I... When to hit the X. And instead I hit the actual square part of it, which made it. Go.

00:53:23.83
Mike
All right.

00:53:24.68
Bill
So I was trying to clear it to prepare myself and, you know, see that that's what happens.

00:53:27.15
Mike
Mm hmm. Mmm.

00:53:29.28
Bill
When I try to prepare myself, I... interrupt my friend while he's talking about something poignant.

00:53:34.09
Mike
Mmm.

00:53:34.46
Bill
thatda ah did ah

00:53:35.91
Mike
He he he he he.

00:53:37.82
Bill
Okay, so you want you want to make fun of a podcast for a minute. I'm going to need your participation here, though.

00:53:42.35
Mike
All right

00:53:43.53
Bill
Okay, so... um And it's again, you know, weve we've talked about the fact that, you know, video. um The video podcasting, i don't I seriously, for the life of me, I still don't don't fucking understand it.

00:53:55.62
Bill
um There is, and I'm i'm almost going to say, there are 95 %...

00:53:55.59
Mike
h

00:53:59.79
Bill
Even the podcast that I enjoy.

00:54:02.30
Mike
Mm-hmm

00:54:02.76
Bill
the people I like listening to and the people that I respect.

00:54:06.02
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:54:06.15
Bill
um you don't know how to do a video podcast you just don't it's not and it's not your fault OK, because the tools that you have and I'm talking to you, podcasters out there that do these things, your tools are not set up for you to do it right.

00:54:09.20
Mike
Great. Right?

00:54:15.97
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:54:19.08
Bill
So it doesn't look fucked up.

00:54:20.76
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:54:21.19
Bill
And what I mean is if you're... If you have the time to sit down, if you sat down right now to watch whatever the fuck it is that you watch these days, pick up pick a show.

00:54:28.65
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:54:29.61
Bill
Price is Right, because you watched when we were out in Austin.

00:54:31.94
Mike
Hehehehehe.

00:54:33.06
Bill
I swear to fucking Christ, did we bring this up? We were watching.

00:54:35.11
Mike
I don't know.

00:54:36.76
Bill
i sit I sit down or walk into the living room, I think, whatever it was, maybe it was Saturday when I got back from grocery shopping.

00:54:41.76
Mike
yeah yeah you guys yeah or something you guys went hiking or some bullshit yeah

00:54:44.86
Bill
oh yeah yeah that's what it was yeah yeah that's yeah so friday and um but mike's sitting down watching prices right and they're like i'm like how fucking price is right i'm laughing it's true carry it's fine it's you know it's price is right yes Fine.

00:54:48.14
Mike
Yeah.

00:54:53.74
Mike
Mm hmm. Sure.

00:54:56.25
Bill
And then Mike's like, yeah, it's a Price is Right channel. I'm thinking he's fucking around. But no, there is literally a fucking Price is Right channel.

00:54:59.58
Mike
Uh huh. No.

00:55:02.74
Bill
That's all they run on there, right?

00:55:04.14
Mike
Yeah. Yeah.

00:55:06.45
Bill
And I'm like... Really?

00:55:08.37
Mike
Yep.

00:55:08.47
Bill
So... So let's say if you were watching The Price is Right and every once in a while when you were watching Drew Carey, you know, talk talk about whatever, one of the things, and then all of a sudden you saw a blip where where they edited something, you know, and you saw a space.

00:55:14.19
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:55:19.34
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:55:21.72
Bill
you could see the space you know what i mean and and i'm like you'd be like what the fuck you know

00:55:21.73
Mike
Right. Yeah. Yeah.

00:55:26.86
Mike
Huh? huh

00:55:27.40
Bill
So that is what these... video podcasts are doing there when they're editing if you edit a bite of sound it's also editing your video which you have to you're editing the line i get it but you're you're taking away a slice i understand why it's a slice of pixel or whatever they whatever it is.

00:55:44.22
Mike
Sure.

00:55:45.07
Bill
And you end up with a dead space. And it goes from I'm looking over here to I'm looking over here. You don't necessarily hear it in the audio.

00:55:49.75
Mike
ha

00:55:53.12
Bill
Because they're editing out. that like that, that space.

00:55:56.23
Mike
Right. Mm hmm.

00:55:57.88
Bill
But I moved.

00:55:59.18
Mike
Right.

00:55:59.23
Bill
during that so

00:56:00.15
Mike
Yeah.

00:56:01.79
Bill
It just... It just looks stupid. Okay.

00:56:03.71
Mike
Yeah. Right.

00:56:05.21
Bill
So I do. I hate listening. I hate watching all those sort of things because when these things come up, I just watch them. They're like, you're doing it too, you fucking idiot. You know, and it's just so stupid.

00:56:15.21
Bill
It's like, ah like again, it's like ah like a fucking addiction, obsession, whatever you want to call it.

00:56:19.24
Mike
m

00:56:19.90
Bill
So anyhow, the the one that I make fun of all the time that again, I'm not going to say the name of the podcast, but this is the one that. um I'm trying to think if I can remind you of something. The one that I commented on the one time where I disagreed with the individual and he came back and said this whole different thing and kind of went off on me, but I was just giving my opinion on something.

00:56:37.06
Mike
yeah

00:56:37.91
Bill
And it kind of went off on me.

00:56:37.62
Mike
Right.

00:56:38.81
Bill
And then just when I listened to the things that they talk about, it I don't know. It was just weird. They're just all this. It's all, it's all doom and gloom. It seems like in, in whatever they did, it just doesn't seem like they're having any fun, you know, or they're all being serious.

00:56:48.64
Mike
Right.

00:56:49.85
Bill
So. I'm watching one of them the other day and whatever they were talking about, it wasn't. really ah a deep topic, but there was four of them.

00:56:57.54
Mike
h

00:56:58.94
Bill
So again, it looks like it looks like a fucking Zoom meeting, you know, sort of.

00:57:01.71
Mike
Right. Mm hmm.

00:57:03.16
Bill
And it's framed by their podcast thing, so it's got a little bit of style to it.

00:57:07.16
Mike
Okay.

00:57:07.19
Bill
but So each one of them are talking and telling their point about whatever this thing is, and they're all just kind of solemn and just a straight face, whatever, and it's bad edits.

00:57:11.20
Mike
m

00:57:16.13
Bill
Then I'm listening to I'm like Is that? Music? I'm hearing And I turned it up and I had, it was my... um or I just had my ah my Chromebook.

00:57:26.28
Mike
Mhm.

00:57:26.23
Bill
So I turned it up and I... put my ears up by the speakers and they got this. Like this sad music.

00:57:32.08
Mike
da

00:57:34.37
Bill
the sad music behind it I'm like Yeah. you're You're now you're putting sad music behind your fucking solemn things.

00:57:39.82
Mike
Right. Nice.

00:57:42.32
Bill
So I'm like, I'm like, okay, Mike.

00:57:43.01
Mike
Little Sarah McLoughlin fucking ah dead puppies.

00:57:43.46
Bill
it

00:57:46.52
Mike
and

00:57:47.28
Bill
it's sort of but instrumental it wasn't yeah it wasn't yeah but just instrumental no no voice whatever

00:57:49.34
Mike
Yeah, right

00:57:53.07
Bill
So I'm like, okay, so my my brain immediately goes to the to the one piece of sad music from this TV show that I know you used to watch, and I did too, because back at the time this show was on, there was... only three channels and that's all that was on anyhow

00:58:05.57
Mike
m

00:58:06.34
Bill
So The Incredible Hulk with Bill Bixby.

00:58:07.76
Mike
Yeah.

00:58:09.06
Bill
Do you know the name of that song?

00:58:11.05
Mike
I, I know.

00:58:12.64
Bill
it's the I never knew the name of it, so i but I looked it up. And it's called the Lonely Man theme.

00:58:16.01
Mike
Yeah.

00:58:18.97
Mike
You know what? I have heard that before.

00:58:20.90
Bill
Really?

00:58:21.01
Mike
Yes.

00:58:21.61
Bill
i

00:58:21.04
Mike
Okay. Yeah.

00:58:22.55
Bill
Never in my life do I remember. it didn't It didn't ring a bell, you know, but it's at the end of it that he was always whatever.

00:58:26.43
Mike
Okay. Yeah.

00:58:29.59
Bill
And just for anyone, everyone, I think everyone knows who the Incredible Hulk is, the new ones, the Marvel shit, all this stuff. But the old one, Bill Bexby and, you know, Lou Ferrigno was there was the Hulk and blah, blah, blah.

00:58:35.12
Mike
All right. Mm hmm.

00:58:39.54
Bill
And at the end of every episode, you know Bill Bixby has got his backpack on or whatever it is, and he's walking on it.

00:58:43.76
Mike
Yeah, walking into the sunset.

00:58:46.62
Bill
Hitchhiking.

00:58:47.57
Mike
Yep.

00:58:48.07
Bill
This music is playing that I'm going to play for you in a minute because I have it now.

00:58:50.76
Mike
Alright. Cool.

00:58:52.49
Bill
I remember Family Guy did it.

00:58:54.28
Mike
Yeah, right.

00:58:54.07
Bill
Stewie was, Stewie Walk, they had Stewie walk out an episode with the music playing, but this is it.

00:58:54.99
Mike
you see

00:58:59.24
Mike
mm-hmm

00:59:04.61
Bill
So. What I want to do is...

00:59:07.34
Mike
Yes.

00:59:08.70
Bill
i want it I want you to tell a story, okay?

00:59:10.31
Mike
Yeah. A very special episode of Sober Not Mature.

00:59:12.06
Bill
And this is...

00:59:16.53
Bill
For this special bit.

00:59:18.24
Mike
Hehehe.

00:59:19.08
Bill
um But i the the story I'm thinking of, because this is one that normally we, is this too loud? You want me to bring it down?

00:59:23.93
Mike
No. Merde.

00:59:25.29
Bill
That's good.

00:59:25.96
Mike
Crank it.

00:59:27.04
Bill
Okay, but I was going to say, is it good enough for one year?

00:59:33.42
Bill
Fucking piano's getting louder now.

00:59:35.85
Mike
he

00:59:36.94
Bill
but Oh.

00:59:38.67
Mike
Starting to tear up, man.

00:59:38.52
Bill
I... Oh, my God. Let's see if I can turn this down a little bit. Oops. There we go. Wait.

00:59:47.12
Mike
Hehehehe.

00:59:48.15
Bill
Oh. What I want you to do, the story that we usually laugh about.

00:59:50.36
Mike
Yeah. Hmm?

00:59:51.49
Bill
is your um your last drink, okay, which includes you walking walking down the driveway because that's that's that's got some length to it.

00:59:53.77
Mike
Ah. Yeah. oh Mhm.

00:59:57.53
Bill
So start from... i think it was in the bedroom when you figured out that you were out

01:00:01.76
Mike
Right.

01:00:01.90
Bill
And then it goes to like when you were. The ambulance picked you up, right?

01:00:04.30
Mike
what You have to start the music over.

01:00:07.43
Bill
Oh, I'm going to, I'm going to, but hang on.

01:00:08.85
Mike
Hehehehe.

01:00:10.53
Bill
Let's pause real quick.

01:00:12.40
Mike
Hehehehehehehehe.

01:00:12.54
Bill
Okay, but um I want you to try not to laugh because this is, I just, I want everyone, and you know what, feel free.

01:00:14.75
Mike
Um... Yeah.

01:00:21.42
Bill
if If this is how you want us to tell stories from now on, we'll try.

01:00:24.43
Mike
a

01:00:25.48
Bill
Try not to laugh, but just just envision you know listening to a podcast. If this was what Sober Not Mature was all the time.

01:00:35.30
Mike
It was a day. just like any other day. I... I had... done a little bit of work and so I had a little bit of money and got my pint of vodka drank it on the way home and then stopped at the corner store and Got about four or five two 11s, steel reserves.

01:00:59.24
Mike
went home and was drinking those and I decided. Fuck you. And I decided that. I needed more. Because that's what alcoholics do.

01:01:13.04
Mike
So off I went. To the liquor store. her to get more. Vodka.

01:01:24.48
Mike
what I neglected to do. was to pull my pants up all the way. We had a long sloping driveway.

01:01:36.62
Mike
And I proceeded down that driveway. With my pants around my ankles. where I proceeded to trip and fall and smash my face.

01:01:48.01
Mike
It's the concrete.

01:01:51.74
Mike
And then I got back up. And I took a few more steps. And then fell back down on my face Over.

01:02:02.83
Mike
And over again. All right. That's all I could do.

01:02:06.93
Bill
Was just positive I can't take it anymore

01:02:09.07
Mike
Hehehehe.

01:02:09.85
Bill
Oh.

01:02:10.96
Mike
oh

01:02:11.13
Bill
God, if I was ever a get...

01:02:11.79
Mike
Ahem.

01:02:13.30
Bill
Well, I'm sure they don't add the music until afterwards.

01:02:13.39
Mike
Yeah. huh

01:02:16.67
Bill
Um... but But ladies and gentlemen, first of all, Mike. Thank you.

01:02:21.33
Mike
Hehehehehehehehe.

01:02:22.41
Bill
Fucking...

01:02:23.95
Mike
Ah.

01:02:24.44
Bill
Thank you. Oh, I don't even know how but how far into it you're like, a fuck you.

01:02:27.61
Mike
Hehehe. you

01:02:31.37
Bill
Cause you could hear me laughing, but it's just, but it's just the way you're like.

01:02:32.17
Mike
Yeah.

01:02:36.98
Bill
Oh stupid.

01:02:38.67
Mike
Hehehehehehe.

01:02:40.03
Bill
because because I needed... More.

01:02:42.36
Mike
That's right.

01:02:43.40
Bill
The way you said it, it's just like...

01:02:49.70
Bill
Oh. And. i i think well i know i've said it before but in case anyone's forgotten That's my favorite fucking story of of Mike's and it's ah it's the worst one because I mean the you know Literally at the end of that story your daughter

01:02:57.34
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:03:00.22
Mike
Yeah.

01:03:03.58
Bill
is standing on the on the porch and has uh you know your granddaughter who's now you know a fucking adult you know and the 18 18 years old holding her is ah is a what two-year-old Two-year-old?

01:03:05.28
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:03:08.76
Mike
Yep. Yeah. Right. Yeah, a year.

01:03:13.84
Bill
No. Or one-year-old, one a-year-and-a-half?

01:03:14.22
Mike
got Yeah. Yeah.

01:03:16.87
Bill
um yeah holding her on the porch and you know basically like you know just for the hour you could take yeah you get

01:03:20.88
Mike
Watching me. Yeah. Watching me. beat myself up.

01:03:24.75
Bill
Yeah, and just you know she just calls the ambulance and they fucking take you away.

01:03:27.80
Mike
Mm-hmm

01:03:27.83
Bill
it's a It's a terribly sad story.

01:03:30.22
Mike
It is.

01:03:30.97
Bill
um you know in the

01:03:31.73
Mike
Cue the music again.

01:03:35.74
Bill
I'm just going to have this ready, like, like get whatever. the The best part, too, when I started laughing even more is because there's... At a certain point, whenever there's like a minute or something in, it's just the piano. I forgot.

01:03:46.51
Bill
I didn't listen to it.

01:03:46.82
Mike
It swells!

01:03:48.40
Bill
I didn't listen to this clip that far in, but the piano starts coming up, and I'm like, Jesus Christ, it's too fucking funny. um But, you know, and and I always say this when I remember going to. um We were at Stella Maris, which is, we've we've mentioned it before, but it was a meeting that I went to every Saturday and Mike came with me the one time.

01:04:04.100
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:04:07.98
Bill
And I think that... it wasn't the first time you came there but you led there um

01:04:11.33
Mike
Right. Mm hmm.

01:04:13.38
Bill
And I remember you going up like, you've got to tell the pants story. You've got to tell the pants story. And ah Joe, that's right, Joe was our sponsor.

01:04:17.44
Mike
Yep.

01:04:20.38
Mike
Mhm.

01:04:20.35
Bill
He was... ah uh

01:04:22.20
Mike
The chairperson.

01:04:22.80
Bill
Jerry, yeah.

01:04:23.50
Mike
Yeah.

01:04:23.78
Bill
and And Joe's telling me, he's like... He's like, what? He goes, that's fucked up. Did you like that story?

01:04:28.49
Mike
Yeah.

01:04:28.47
Bill
I'm like, I like it because it's it's just, it's the. It's the culmination of all the shit that he went through.

01:04:35.53
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:04:35.99
Bill
for all these years that literally just

01:04:37.45
Mike
Yep.

01:04:38.79
Bill
just came out in whatever whether that took 15 minutes or 20 whatever it was

01:04:43.68
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:04:43.90
Bill
In that 15-minute or 20-minute interval, that was just that was the crescendo of all the fucking shit that you did.

01:04:49.88
Mike
Yes it is.

01:04:50.98
Bill
in your life and to yourself and whatever and it just was there you know just fucking raw

01:04:54.20
Mike
Yeah.

01:04:55.99
Bill
And then, you know, you're in the hospital and detox and you. you know You say you don't want any help, but then you take it. It's the it's literally the beginning of the end.

01:05:04.67
Mike
Yeah.

01:05:04.84
Bill
And, you know, I mean, again, I. I know the outcome, you know, so it might have been a little bit more sad if he would have died.

01:05:08.09
Mike
Right.

01:05:11.39
Mike
but Yeah, right.

01:05:11.92
Bill
Yeah.

01:05:12.04
Mike
yeah Well, or just went back to drinking again.

01:05:15.08
Bill
and a hor and And Mike drank again.

01:05:15.24
Mike
you know and they It wasn't that bad.

01:05:17.68
Bill
Well, that's...

01:05:21.78
Bill
But um yeah, so. But anyhow, yeah, I just, I figured that that would be, I was trying to think, what story can we tell?

01:05:26.76
Mike
He he he he he he he

01:05:27.18
Bill
I'm like, I got to have you. And again, again, fucking Bravo. Bravo. That was, that was fucking perfect.

01:05:31.71
Mike
ah Well, thank you.

01:05:32.98
Bill
So I, Oh Jesus Christ. But seriously, i in in again, I mean, I know we're... i this this podcast this thing that mike and i do um Yes, we won an award. We still we literally we joke about it. um I mean, I'm glad we are so glad that people somebody out there, you know, obviously like this and likes this enough to nominate us for us. And maybe it's just so fucking weird. It's just so different at at this time frame that people are like.

01:06:00.27
Bill
well, this is really cool. Maybe maybe it's...

01:06:01.67
Mike
Yeah.

01:06:03.07
Bill
Maybe it's not cool. it's just you know It's just a new kind of pimple that people have never seen before.

01:06:07.46
Mike
Yeah.

01:06:07.84
Bill
and it's the you know it's the the flavor of the day and that's fucking fine you know

01:06:11.38
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:06:12.44
Bill
But for whatever reason, but I mean, we know we're we know we're not the best. We know we're not the greatest at what we do.

01:06:16.07
Mike
Right? Mmm.

01:06:18.13
Bill
We just, we're we're ourselves. The best thing in the... best thing or maybe even the the worst thing that we could say is that everything everything that we do is just us we're just having a goddamn conversation trying to keep it real yo you know and and when i when i see these

01:06:22.34
Mike
Heh heh heh heh heh. Yeah.

01:06:26.70
Mike
Yeah. Mm hmm. Yay.

01:06:33.67
Bill
I just I don't. I don't. I hate fake hate. Sorry.

01:06:37.31
Mike
Mm-hmm

01:06:37.78
Bill
I am not a fan of fake people.

01:06:40.09
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:06:40.58
Bill
I'm not a fan of fake circumstances. I'm not a fan of production items like that.

01:06:42.78
Mike
Right.

01:06:45.48
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:06:45.69
Bill
Different story. I go and watch a movie or something. like That's a whole goddamn different different story.

01:06:48.08
Mike
Of course. Right.

01:06:50.26
Bill
but A recovery podcast does not need to be this produced thing again, unless same thing.

01:06:54.79
Mike
No.

01:06:56.94
Bill
When I said fucking sober that they put that together as this, it's ah like a sitcom.

01:07:01.79
Mike
oh

01:07:01.90
Bill
It's fucking wonderful.

01:07:03.46
Mike
Right.

01:07:03.61
Bill
whole different Whole different animal. but

01:07:05.41
Mike
Yeah.

01:07:06.35
Bill
You and I, these podcasts that I'm talking about, you know ah Sober Friends, that we you know they're friends of ours.

01:07:10.88
Mike
Mhm. Right.

01:07:11.88
Bill
their's is they They do kind of what we do. you know i mean and actually they they seem to have kind of

01:07:13.93
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:07:17.03
Bill
they They've leaned into it. It feels like a little bit of what we do.

01:07:19.64
Mike
Right.

01:07:20.13
Bill
And I like that because I enjoy listening to them.

01:07:20.80
Mike
Good. Yeah Mm hmm.

01:07:22.83
Bill
um Sober motivation. you know Again, really, really good, and he's not he's not quirky or anything like that.

01:07:24.96
Mike
Right.

01:07:28.63
Mike
ah

01:07:28.88
Bill
um He does what he does, and he does it really fucking well, but it's not a production.

01:07:32.15
Mike
Yeah.

01:07:32.70
Bill
you know

01:07:33.26
Mike
Yeah, authenticity, man. That's all that fucking matters.

01:07:35.18
Bill
There you go. Yeah. Yeah, exactly

01:07:36.34
Mike
Yeah.

01:07:37.79
Bill
But yet.

01:07:40.56
Bill
Put sad music and just, I mean, just have these.

01:07:42.20
Mike
Hehehehehehe.

01:07:43.16
Bill
Just tell it tell a goddamn story. If you're sad about it, I mean, cry.

01:07:45.18
Mike
Right.

01:07:46.32
Bill
It's fine.

01:07:46.96
Mike
Yeah, yeah

01:07:46.99
Bill
We've had. We've had fucking people cry in here.

01:07:49.39
Mike
Sure.

01:07:50.07
Bill
you know, telling us stories.

01:07:51.14
Mike
Well, hell, I was crying telling that story.

01:07:51.23
Bill
but

01:07:53.46
Mike
It's a different kind of crying, but there were tears in my eyes.

01:07:55.94
Bill
Yeah. Yeah. yep me too me too and i got my fucking glasses on i'm sitting trying to wipe my yeah As I'm lapping so fucking hard.

01:07:59.68
Mike
He he he he he he. Try to wipe your ass? What?

01:08:04.55
Bill
Wipe my eyes how

01:08:05.49
Mike
Ah!

01:08:06.57
Bill
Wait a while. wipe my ass wipe my eyes But anyhow.

01:08:10.87
Mike
Ah.

01:08:12.15
Bill
So thank you everyone for playing along.

01:08:14.50
Mike
Ooh.

01:08:13.94
Bill
Yeah, I know we're judgmental.

01:08:14.71
Mike
hateful

01:08:15.11
Bill
It doesn't fucking matter. It is it is who we are.

01:08:16.60
Mike
Yup.

01:08:17.40
Bill
and That's the way that it is. so

01:08:20.13
Mike
ah

01:08:21.12
Bill
um All right, so did you hear about... um

01:08:23.63
Mike
excuse

01:08:24.90
Bill
Penn State with the coke trafficking? And this was, God, like a month ago.

01:08:27.03
Mike
Oh yeah.

01:08:28.32
Bill
Okay.

01:08:28.42
Mike
Well, God, college kids are doing coke?

01:08:28.33
Bill
And I mean...

01:08:30.63
Mike
I was shocked.

01:08:31.83
Bill
I know. It was just, it was just the, again, when it first came out, I was laughing at it so much because everyone liked the school.

01:08:39.20
Mike
Hmm.

01:08:39.63
Bill
It was just kind of, they they and they had to be. I mean, they had to act like they were surprised. It wasn't really anything out of the ordinary.

01:08:43.63
Mike
o

01:08:45.39
Bill
It was just, I can't remember what the guy called himself. Some stupid fucking name.

01:08:49.39
Mike
Right.

01:08:50.19
Bill
a guy that was running it and

01:08:50.29
Mike
No, because...

01:08:51.94
Bill
They were all.

01:08:51.93
Mike
Dopey college kid.

01:08:53.24
Bill
Yeah, and then...

01:08:53.32
Mike
All coked up. What the fuck, man? What do you expect?

01:08:55.96
Bill
Well, one of their dads was an attorney and somehow he was involved in it too.

01:09:00.12
Mike
Uh huh.

01:09:00.01
Bill
It was this whole yeah just this whole this whole fucking mess.

01:09:01.01
Mike
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Making some fucking money.

01:09:04.03
Bill
Yeah.

01:09:04.80
Mike
getting high making some money right on

01:09:07.43
Bill
Yeah, learning about Cuba, having some food.

01:09:09.07
Mike
Right. Exactly.

01:09:12.04
Bill
just That was just a side note. So, okay. um This one is from God Grant Me, I think. New-ish could be wrong, but we're going to see. um God grant me, we must be sure not to beat ourselves up over our character defects, okay?

01:09:26.80
Bill
This is just another form of avoidance.

01:09:29.35
Mike
Mm-hmm

01:09:29.41
Bill
now My question, do you agree? um that you may have beaten yourself up over a character D or do you agree with that statement? Number one, that it's avoidance. I guess that would be the first question, but also did, did you beat yourself up over character defects or did you just accept them right away?

01:09:40.03
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:09:45.88
Bill
Or how did that, do you remember how that went or no?

01:09:48.48
Mike
I mean... How it went, how it's going. Um.

01:09:53.89
Bill
Well, no, I know. I mean, to to I understand.

01:09:55.28
Mike
Yeah.

01:09:55.98
Bill
To begin with, before we really grasp on to understanding what we've got to deal with with these things, that's that's what's wrong.

01:09:58.14
Mike
Mm hmm. I mean, yeah, of course it's avoidance. It's yeah. It's, you know, beating yourself up absolutely is avoidance um because you're not Shake it. taking that energy to beat yourself up instead of trying to fix the problem.

01:10:13.67
Mike
Um, yeah you know it's it feeds into the the disease cycle you know hey i'm gonna beat myself up oh i'm a piece of shit because i i'm this and that and you know i'm a garbage so hey what do you do with garbage well you fucking dunk it and more garbage and you know all that Yeah. um

01:10:36.50
Mike
I, No. Yes, I have character defects. um I try to work on them. I accept them. I recognize them for what they are. I also don't.

01:10:47.25
Mike
unduly focus on them I also it's like doing your fourth step, right? What is doing your fourth step, taking that inventory teach you? Yes, you look for the bad stuff, but you look for the good stuff too.

01:10:59.38
Mike
And yes, so you do both. It's the balance. um Ugh. Yeah. um So I agree with the the statement that, yes, you know beating yourself up over your character defects is avoiding.

01:11:12.79
Mike
the fact that you need to do something about them and try to change yourself and not not be so fucking defective in your character.

01:11:21.25
Bill
Right. Yeah, and I just, when i when I read that, I just didn't, it didn't click right away. And and you make sense with that. And then the more I think about it, the avoidance part of it, because yeah, not not wanting.

01:11:30.46
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:11:32.53
Bill
Well, either not wanting to or just not dealing with them. I mean, clearly, I mean, that's right.

01:11:35.80
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:11:37.24
Bill
That's a that's kind of a textbook answer of avoidance. But I or beating yourself up going, well, you know, I'm a piece of shit rather than trying to fix it.

01:11:39.71
Mike
Yeah. Yeah. Yep. Mm hmm.

01:11:44.48
Bill
You know, I'm just, well, this is this is who I am.

01:11:46.76
Mike
Right.

01:11:47.52
Bill
You should have known this from the start. Or you you come to accept it in yourself. You know, I'm just this is this is who I am.

01:11:52.85
Mike
Yeah.

01:11:54.42
Bill
I'm i'm a fuck up. You know, I'm I'm going to be this way and I am this way.

01:11:55.69
Mike
Yeah.

01:11:57.76
Bill
And it doesn't matter what the fuck I do.

01:11:59.43
Mike
Hmm.

01:11:59.67
Bill
I'm going to be this. I'm going to be this person.

01:12:01.33
Mike
Right.

01:12:02.61
Bill
hey

01:12:02.91
Mike
Which is bullshit.

01:12:04.08
Bill
It is. It's absolutely bullshit. Absolutely bullshit.

01:12:05.72
Mike
Yeah. Mm hmm. Right. I mean, you know, and and of course there's aspects, but I mean, that's again, why you do a four step, why you do a daily 10 step, why you, you look at yourself and you go, yeah, okay. I'm, I'm, you know, well, you know, my big one, which we've talked on here plenty of times, you know, I don't have a ton of empathy towards other people. That's just kind of not how I built. um Okay.

01:12:31.21
Mike
So what do I fucking do about that? I beat myself up or or i I go, well, I have to take extra time and pay attention to other people and how they're feeling and whatever.

01:12:44.46
Mike
Still don't fucking care. ah You know, but, but I have to.

01:12:46.23
Bill
Right now.

01:12:51.84
Mike
Act as if. you know um i have to try i have to it again you know doing it over and over and over again

01:12:53.13
Bill
Right.

01:12:59.81
Mike
Yes, I am more empathetic than I was 10 years ago. Absolutely. um Am I still? Not very empathetic, yes. um But a little more than I was.

01:13:12.47
Mike
Um, you know, maybe by the time I'm done, I'll i'll have a... smidge more empathy for other people. Um... you know But I also, I've talked about it on here too, I also hold myself, I hold other people to the same standards that I hold myself to.

01:13:30.50
Bill
Right.

01:13:30.91
Mike
And that can that can get in the way of empathy because I go, well, you're acting like a fucking moron. I don't i don't act like that.

01:13:38.74
Bill
Right?

01:13:40.70
Mike
um Why am I going to feel sorry for you that you're going through all these problems when... most of the problems you've created yourself. How the fuck am I going to feel bad for you? um You know, so it's it's it's it's ah it's a in progress, kids.

01:13:56.16
Bill
Right.

01:13:56.96
Mike
Get that music going again.

01:13:57.11
Bill
Well, in... Hang on.

01:14:02.71
Mike
i'd like to feel sorry for you i really really would

01:14:07.77
Bill
if

01:14:08.86
Mike
But you keep fucking shooting yourself in the foot.

01:14:14.38
Bill
God damn it, I just turned it off. Hang on.

01:14:15.56
Mike
there you Wait, what's going on? I'm having a stroke. i'm Going deaf. I'd like to feel sorry for you. I feel bad that your foot has a bunch of bullets in it.

01:14:26.26
Mike
But I can't. Because you keep fucking shooting yourself in the foot.

01:14:32.38
Bill
You fucking

01:14:32.58
Mike
Poor you.

01:14:34.09
Bill
You fucking dumbass. You know, and that made me think about that I want to... I want to mention patience here in a minute, so don't let me forget that.

01:14:39.61
Mike
Mmm.

01:14:40.18
Bill
That's kind of my my thing. but um it just made me think about when Yeah. all the people that we've known that that went through the keating center were given the same things as us were told or we tried to tell people you know all you got to do is that

01:14:46.100
Mike
Hmm.

01:14:49.77
Mike
Mm hmm. Hmm.

01:14:53.78
Bill
Keep it simple and do this, do this, do this. And then the person does the opposite thing and that ends up like you said.

01:14:55.53
Mike
Right. Mhm. mm-hmm

01:14:58.78
Bill
you know, in with bullets in their feet or in a jackpot or whatever the case is, it's really hard to feel.

01:15:00.70
Mike
Yep. Mm-hmm.

01:15:04.37
Bill
um bad for them, empathetic, rather than saying...

01:15:05.91
Mike
Yeah. Mm-hmm

01:15:07.54
Bill
We fucking... Told you. you know we literally fucking told you we picked you up from here

01:15:09.07
Mike
Yeah. Right. You have the same information that I have.

01:15:14.11
Bill
Yeah, wait you've got everything. You've got the same goddamn fucking playbook.

01:15:18.38
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:15:18.43
Bill
you know You didn't study.

01:15:20.72
Mike
Right?

01:15:20.68
Bill
You've got the answers to the goddamn test. You don't even need to study.

01:15:22.71
Mike
Yeah. Right.

01:15:25.83
Bill
And and i can't I can't sit here and feel bad for you, you know?

01:15:25.64
Mike
Right.

01:15:28.91
Mike
No. Right.

01:15:30.79
Bill
But so the patience thing, and like you you just said about the empathy, patience is one thing that um I run into it.

01:15:32.86
Mike
um

01:15:36.09
Bill
and I never thought about it this way, but i kind of I think I run into that the same way because when. I did, ah you know, for anyone who doesn't know, not that it fucking matters that these days, but I did a lot of training over the years and work.

01:15:48.81
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:15:49.18
Bill
work positions, job, job things, and trained a lot of people doing, I mean, a lot over the years. And I was really good at it and I enjoyed it.

01:15:54.26
Mike
Right.

01:15:56.32
Bill
And I was fun or it was fun. but Every once in a while, I would have people say to me, and this was majority of the training I did was after I got sober, majority of it.

01:16:06.22
Mike
Hm?

01:16:06.57
Bill
And, you know, a lot of people would just say every once in a while, they're like, I can't believe the amount of patients you have.

01:16:12.48
Mike
o

01:16:12.87
Bill
And in my head, I'm like, I i don't I have fucking zero, you know.

01:16:14.100
Mike
yeah Right?

01:16:16.92
Bill
I mean, the 80%. 75 80 of every training class would people would you know have the normal questions might have you know the normal issues but then you got a couple of people that just don't fucking get it

01:16:26.32
Mike
h

01:16:29.26
Mike
Right.

01:16:29.82
Bill
And you got to keep, you know, re reiterating and going over and doing whatever and it is.

01:16:33.38
Mike
e

01:16:34.04
Bill
And you got to take a deep fucking breath, you know, and not.

01:16:36.25
Mike
Right.

01:16:37.15
Bill
fucking go off on these people, you know? Same thing is like you said with this, with the empathy, you know, it says you gotta, you gotta take your time.

01:16:41.79
Mike
Uh huh.

01:16:42.82
Bill
You gotta to step back and you gotta to be like, okay.

01:16:44.32
Mike
Well? Yeah.

01:16:45.44
Bill
You know, i need I need to settle for a minute because I'm going to go off on this fucking person.

01:16:48.86
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:16:50.02
Bill
And I don't want to be that guy today, you know?

01:16:51.51
Mike
Right.

01:16:52.55
Bill
So. But yeah, I get it. 100%.

01:16:55.24
Mike
Hehehehehehehehe.

01:16:55.74
Bill
So and this is something I wrote down a while ago, and I don't know if I ever ever asked you, but in case for you know anyone else that actually listens to the end of our episodes when you do your your out thing.

01:17:06.06
Mike
mm-hmm

01:17:05.79
Bill
um So at the end of every episode, you always tell people, go out and do something nice for somebody else and don't tell anyone you did it. Okay.

01:17:12.07
Mike
right

01:17:12.97
Bill
So. my My question is, in and I, well, I'm not even going to say anything. My question is to you, why is that important? Both parts. Go out and do something nice and then don't tell anyone about it.

01:17:21.51
Mike
ah

01:17:23.73
Bill
So why are both of those items important?

01:17:25.47
Mike
well Doing something nice for somebody else is a nice thing to do. That's pretty self-explanatory.

01:17:32.25
Bill
Heh heh heh.

01:17:31.95
Mike
Um, right you know making your little corner of the world a better place whatever you know doing yes you know helping the next guy doing you know yes

01:17:35.10
Bill
Right.

01:17:40.23
Mike
Self-explanatory Don't tell anybody that you did it. is important. because we're fucking egomaniacs and we want to, you know, look at me, look how fucking wonderful I am.

01:17:54.89
Mike
And um that's not the point.

01:17:54.86
Bill
Right.

01:17:57.28
Mike
it It spoils. doing the good thing. for someone else, truly someone else, doing not expecting anything in return um and and and not expecting any glory.

01:18:09.42
Mike
It taints.

01:18:09.69
Bill
Right.

01:18:10.44
Mike
the act of doing something nice for somebody it doesn't take away that you did something nice for someone um they probably don't care one way or fuck another um you did something nice for them and they're Glad, hopefully.

01:18:22.58
Mike
They're grateful. and you know, whatever, hopefully.

01:18:23.81
Bill
yeah Right.

01:18:25.00
Mike
But again, that's, that I got nothing to do with that. You know, you can fucking resent me for doing something nice for you. um And that can happen too.

01:18:31.65
Bill
Right.

01:18:33.42
Mike
um But. But again, doesn't matter. I did something nice. That's the important part. My side of the street's clean. I did something nice. How you take it and what you do with it, I got no control over and nothing to fucking do with. And um again, and and not telling but anyone that you did it.

01:18:51.41
Mike
Don't feed your fucking ego. That's not why you're doing it. i mean you know it's it makes it again, taints it. It takes away from the purity of doing something nice for someone.

01:19:03.45
Mike
And I think those words are, you know. unselfish purity. honest in love. um I read those words somewhere.

01:19:12.33
Bill
ah

01:19:12.52
Mike
And we're supposed to aspire to those things. So, yeah, don't fucking feed your ego because it it takes away from it. And when you really do it.

01:19:23.23
Mike
um You know, I mean, sometimes, sometimes you do and whatever, and you tell someone else and it's, it's fine. And and they, they, they go, Oh, that's nice. And whatever. But um when you really truly never tell anyone that you did something for someone else, like totally keep it to yourself. Um...

01:19:42.98
Mike
being selfish and self-centered. I enjoy that. maybe a little more. It makes me feel. Good over chicken. It's all I fucking care about is making myself feel good, right?

01:19:52.69
Bill
Right.

01:19:55.99
Mike
That's why I'm doing this stupid sober podcast, because that's my fucking problem.

01:19:59.88
Bill
ah Right, right.

01:20:01.09
Mike
so that is my problem i will continue to feed that problem um just in in a very healthy way make myself feel good i did something nice for somebody i didn't fucking tell anybody anybody the only you know maybe even the person i did it for doesn't even know that's a no that's that fucking sweet spot man that that struck it straight to the vein good shit man

01:20:02.05
Bill
there

01:20:25.79
Bill
Right. ha Yeah, you know, and the the thing that I thought about when you were when you were talking about, like, the self-explanatory part of the first part is um it just reminded me of ah being us being told to get get your get out of self.

01:20:34.45
Mike
and

01:20:40.50
Bill
You know, by helping somebody else, you get out it you get out of self, you know, by doing that.

01:20:40.66
Mike
Yep. Right. Mm hmm.

01:20:44.25
Bill
But, I mean, just, yeah, if you want to just keep it ridiculously simple, that's exactly what it was. just ah do something nice, be a good human being, making your corner of the world and and all those sort of things.

01:20:51.49
Mike
Yep.

01:20:53.22
Bill
It was mainly that. that not telling anyone about it that

01:20:56.33
Mike
Uh huh.

01:20:57.30
Bill
I wanted you to explain because um I don't know that we've ever said that before, but, and I know, I know why, you know, but yeah, it's sometimes it it is even.

01:20:58.74
Mike
Yeah. Mmm. Mm hmm. Right?

01:21:08.81
Bill
It's easier today than it was, you know, obviously some years ago.

01:21:12.37
Mike
Hmm.

01:21:11.92
Bill
But yeah, not to be able like, oh, guess what I did?

01:21:15.30
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:21:15.02
Bill
You know, I I helped out this person or this person needed this.

01:21:17.63
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:21:18.69
Bill
And guess what I did? Look.

01:21:20.36
Mike
That's right.

01:21:21.37
Bill
Look at me, you know.

01:21:22.64
Mike
BBB.

01:21:23.87
Bill
Yeah. And I, it's just not, um I don't know. I do. I like, um I. i don't even know i can't i was just trying to think of when when not that i was going to talk about it because that would

01:21:32.79
Mike
m Mm hmm.

01:21:33.51
Bill
you know, obviously defeat the purpose.

01:21:34.54
Mike
Right.

01:21:36.43
Bill
But um I probably.

01:21:37.09
Mike
first fight of fight First rule of Fight Club.

01:21:41.02
Bill
first rule of doing something nice for somebody don't fucking talk about it but um

01:21:43.17
Mike
<unk> Right. Right.

01:21:45.71
Bill
I mean, i don't I probably could have. Some of the, if it's little things.

01:21:49.27
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:21:50.03
Bill
I mean, I know for a fact I do little things for people. you know I don't necessarily think about it all the time.

01:21:52.25
Mike
Sure.

01:21:54.86
Bill
It could be anything. It could be just somebody out in the world, you know do whatever. It could be something very simple, like you said, or somebody not even knowing about it.

01:21:58.61
Mike
Eh?

01:22:02.10
Bill
you know I fixed something or did something for somebody and they under...

01:22:02.11
Mike
Right.

01:22:04.78
Mike
Yeah, yeah, yeah

01:22:06.82
Bill
They had no ah fucking idea.

01:22:08.41
Mike
Yeah. Right.

01:22:10.39
Bill
Yeah. What a big difference that is besides of, you know, I, I took something or I broke something at somebody ah and they never knew that I did it.

01:22:12.72
Mike
Mmm.

01:22:14.84
Mike
Yep, yep.

01:22:17.99
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:22:19.19
Bill
Yeah, that's the that's the opposite of that.

01:22:21.23
Mike
Yeah, it is.

01:22:21.18
Bill
so

01:22:21.99
Mike
Right. Yeah, that's the shit that fucking eats you up inside.

01:22:24.96
Bill
Right, yeah, exactly

01:22:25.45
Mike
right yeah and this is the exact opposite of that right it fucking feeds you inside and builds you up inside and it's a goddamn wonderful thing. And again, selfish, self-centered, that's the kind of shit I want.

01:22:37.66
Bill
Right. Right. Exactly. So here's another one that I wrote down, and it kind of goes goes back to the what you started out with, with your 6 ,000 days. and i

01:22:47.100
Mike
Yes.

01:22:48.44
Bill
I forgot completely that I wrote this down, but it was from Keep It Simple Whenever. And it says, I'll take time to remember my past, both good and bad. I'll also take time to think about who I am now and how far I've come.

01:22:55.67
Mike
m

01:22:59.11
Mike
Right.

01:23:00.47
Bill
And I was kind of focusing more on the how far I've come part because, I mean, I think that.

01:23:00.79
Mike
h

01:23:05.52
Bill
we We look at the good and bad. I mean, both of us do a 10-step. Both of us account for our actions and all that.

01:23:08.89
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:23:09.96
Bill
I mean, I think, I'm not saying that we don't ever need to talk about it on here, but I think we've talked about that enough.

01:23:13.29
Mike
Right. Mm hmm.

01:23:14.96
Bill
but you know does In looking at the something like the 6 ,000 days and things like that, does that... Does that? I don't want to say force. Does that make you or or allow you to look back, or does it did you look back at all and say, God damn, it's it's a long time, but then...

01:23:29.59
Mike
Mmm.

01:23:30.19
Bill
Did you look back as like, I've come a long way, or does that even cross your mind?

01:23:33.61
Mike
Come a long way, baby. I'm going to go smoke a Virginia Slim. and There's a good reference for the kids. Um...

01:23:40.91
Bill
Yeah, exactly.

01:23:42.32
Mike
Um... No, I really didn't. and Yes, it's cool. like when I posted it on Facebook today, right? Yes. It's a cool thing, whatever.

01:23:52.23
Mike
And I, ah I, finished it with the hashtag, it works if you work it. The real reason I do shit like that is is to show it works.

01:23:56.86
Bill
Right.

01:24:01.21
Bill
Right.

01:24:01.41
Mike
You know, yes, it is possible when when you are. battling that 6 ,000. second thing trying to get that hour and a half hour 40 minutes in um and it's it's a pain in the ass and it is um Yeah, it's it's possible. you you know You can do this fucking thing. i Look at me. Look at this fucking piece of shit. Get it.

01:24:22.16
Bill
Ha ha!

01:24:22.48
Mike
Yeah.

01:24:23.68
Bill
ah

01:24:25.23
Mike
this drunken junkie fucking did it you can too kids And that's all. That's that's really it.

01:24:31.57
Bill
Right.

01:24:32.45
Mike
it's it ah You know, it is. It's a little nice. It is a little ego. little Look what I did. But not really. You know, and I didn't take time to dwell on. Look how far I've come and look at, you know, the stuff I've acquired and blah, blah, blah.

01:24:48.66
Mike
No, it's just it's it's.

01:24:49.32
Bill
Right.

01:24:50.94
Mike
to show that it works, that it is possible.

01:24:54.41
Bill
Yeah, and you know what? When I... When I asked that question, I didn't either when I posted about the 6 ,000. The only time that...

01:24:59.61
Mike
Right.

01:25:00.60
Bill
every year it seems like once we crossover into the, into the first of the year. Cause I mean, both of our, for everyone who doesn't either remember, why would you care?

01:25:05.57
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:25:09.51
Mike
Great.

01:25:09.68
Bill
um Our anniversaries are in the, you know, towards the end of April, mine's the 18th is 22nd.

01:25:13.00
Mike
Right.

01:25:14.14
Bill
And.

01:25:14.38
Mike
Yep.

01:25:15.37
Bill
you know so it's a few months in obviously into the year but for me and it's happened literally if not every year for at least the after the first couple years get those under your belt then

01:25:18.45
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:25:26.83
Bill
after that first of the year is sort of you know we we're i don't know i start i'm like jesus christ you know this is coming up you know and it's always it's one of those god damn another i mean like this year i mean we're coming up on we haven't gotten there yet but coming up on 17 and whether it was you know five or or seven or twelve whatever the number is it always seems really fucking big you know

01:25:32.98
Mike
Yeah. Right.

01:25:39.04
Mike
Right. Mm hmm.

01:25:47.16
Mike
Yeah.

01:25:47.78
Bill
and when we're at. If I'm going to... i don't know look back or reflect or anything like that it's usually in that For whatever reason, it's at January and February range.

01:25:58.59
Mike
m

01:25:59.57
Bill
It's happened for me, and I... Again, I don't sit back and just like. I'm going to sit down and reflect. But I start thinking about things, and then, you know, just therere they're wow moments more than anything.

01:26:08.36
Mike
Yeah.

01:26:10.95
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:26:10.74
Bill
And it's never really about. It's how far I've come sort of, but more of just like, Jesus Christ. I mean, this is, it's a, I mean, I can't even remember the person I was.

01:26:17.44
Mike
Yeah.

01:26:21.80
Bill
I mean, I do.

01:26:22.36
Mike
Right mm-hmm

01:26:22.92
Bill
Cause I still get those feelings about the, you know, the fuck knob that I was.

01:26:24.38
Mike
Mm hmm. Yep.

01:26:26.92
Bill
you know, less of a fucked up today.

01:26:28.58
Mike
Yep.

01:26:29.39
Bill
um But that that would be the timeframe, those couple of months before our anniversary when I think about those things. But yeah, when I post stuff, and there's a... um And it's... um an Instagram recovery elevator. And I think I've said this on here before every Sunday. They have a like a drop your sobriety date thing on there.

01:26:49.79
Bill
And I've done it for... ah I don't know. We've been on Instagram per... Whenever I came across it since we've been on Instagram, if it's been two years, three years, whatever, on Sunday, I do the same thing because I see a lot of people on there.

01:26:57.63
Mike
m

01:27:00.34
Bill
They're you know they're in the... the you know the lower lower digits you know double digits at 17 days at 77 it's 124 it's maybe a thousand this and that and i do that for the same thing you know i do it for um you know it's it's a matter of and that's kind of what the post is about sort of you know saying that show people it can be done

01:27:04.00
Mike
e

01:27:16.26
Mike
Right.

01:27:19.59
Bill
You know, and and I do that. And every once in a while, you know, people comment and like, well, that's a lot of days or whatever. And I never comment on it and be like, yeah, you know, this, that, blah, blah, blah.

01:27:27.37
Mike
Yeah, right.

01:27:28.55
Bill
I just, I don't do anything. I just like back if somebody comments towards me.

01:27:32.09
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:27:32.46
Bill
I just hit the little like button and just go on with it. you know?

01:27:34.78
Mike
Right.

01:27:35.49
Bill
um But i it it is, I see a lot of people in those earlier. again earlier years of recovery where the same thing when when we were at the keating center I mean, shit, you saw people who were, you know, people over in the trailer, people at the three-quarter houses.

01:27:47.69
Mike
Yep.

01:27:47.50
Bill
and These are people that are... you know they're they're six months or five months they're nine months who are like

01:27:50.50
Mike
Yep. Right. Mm hmm.

01:27:52.23
Bill
Fucking nine months old, man.

01:27:53.17
Mike
Yeah, right.

01:27:54.43
Bill
This dude's out working again.

01:27:55.95
Mike
Yep.

01:27:55.64
Bill
He's seeing his kids.

01:27:56.82
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:27:57.48
Bill
dude's got a car

01:27:58.62
Mike
Yeah, right. He he he he he he.

01:28:00.83
Bill
is' he's He's coming back with. He's not just coming back with McDonald's. He actually stopped at a restaurant and brought back some, he's got some carry-out food.

01:28:08.20
Mike
m

01:28:09.13
Bill
He didn't have a $5 Little Caesars pizza.

01:28:12.20
Mike
Right.

01:28:12.77
Bill
He bought himself a goddamn meal, you know?

01:28:14.59
Mike
Yeah.

01:28:15.85
Bill
So, um yeah, I mean, I remember that, you know, completely how amazing that seemed.

01:28:19.16
Mike
Mm hmm. Yeah. Mm hmm.

01:28:21.52
Bill
And and still, it's still amazing. You know, it's just it is so.

01:28:23.49
Mike
Yeah. Mm hmm.

01:28:26.94
Bill
All right, so... um I don't know. You got anything else? i mean yeah um' I'm digging back through stuff.

01:28:30.67
Mike
Heh heh heh heh.

01:28:31.33
Bill
These aren't all old ones, but I dug back through a couple of them. I still got sheets and sheets and sheets of stuff. you know so

01:28:36.50
Mike
Right.

01:28:37.82
Bill
We've got plenty. We've got a couple of weeks. Next week we're recording. What day are we recording?

01:28:41.12
Mike
Wednesday.

01:28:41.39
Bill
Thursday? well Wednesday is next week, okay?

01:28:43.30
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:28:43.17
Bill
Fuck, I've got to write that down again.

01:28:44.94
Mike
Yeah.

01:28:45.78
Bill
I know that, but... Because I put the date on it, but I couldn't remember yet. And then the week after that is. Thursday. Right.

01:28:52.82
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:28:56.62
Bill
Yeah. The only, like I said, the only thing that matters to me is it's just. Again, everything in my life revolves around when am I going to eat?

01:29:03.13
Mike
her her

01:29:04.80
Bill
Which is great. you know i mean i'm I'm glad that that's what my... That's what my life revolves around now, rather than when am I going to get my next drink? You know, just like.

01:29:12.28
Mike
Yep.

01:29:13.00
Bill
What the fuck am I going to eat? That's what I've got to figure out.

01:29:15.88
Mike
Yeah. Right. What am I going to watch on TV tonight?

01:29:20.73
Bill
Yeah, that's it. you know Do I have time to watch TV, and what what time do I have to eat? So, yeah, that would that would be about it.

01:29:25.34
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:29:26.84
Bill
so all right i think that uh i don't know again we've done we've done something we've done some work we got a reading we we did we did some stuff So.

01:29:30.58
Mike
uh-huh

01:29:35.19
Mike
Right.

01:29:35.78
Bill
We good?

01:29:35.86
Mike
Alright. Yeah. Cue the music.

01:29:39.15
Bill
you want this You want this on your way out?

01:29:40.44
Mike
Yeah, I do.

01:29:41.45
Bill
Okay.

01:29:44.98
Mike
Thank you. for listening to yet another episode. of sober not mature. Just always be kind to each other. Be good to each other. Go out and do something nice for somebody else this weekend. and Don't tell anybody you did it.

01:30:02.65
Mike
Now. From the bottom of my heart. To the depths of my soul. From the be beginning of time until the ends of the earth.

01:30:15.58
Mike
Always. And eternally. Fuck you. Now it's time. it's Time, kids. It's time for you to fuck off.

01:30:30.36
Mike
Then keep fucking off. Keep fucking off till you get to a gate with a sign on it saying... You cannot fuck off past here. climb over that gate.

01:30:44.52
Mike
Dream the impossible dream. And keep fucking off. Forever.

01:30:55.98
Bill
Did you notice I turned the volume up?

01:30:58.06
Mike
Yeah I did.

01:30:59.81
Bill
Yeah, right as you're getting into the last part, I'm like, I'm going to make this fucker work for this one.

01:31:01.64
Mike
hu yeah

01:31:03.16
Bill
If I could crank it up, you're like, all right, climb over.

01:31:07.55
Mike
He he he he he he.

01:31:07.50
Bill
Kid. and yeah That might be the, I mean, that that's always kind of fun for me to begin with, just to listen to that, but that might be the. That might be the most fun we've ever had with that one on the way out.

01:31:15.22
Mike
yeah

01:31:18.23
Bill
so I'm a Yeah, I like that one.

01:31:19.38
Mike
Yeah. Hmm. that's Yeah.

01:31:21.49
Bill
I like that one a lot.

01:31:23.11
Mike
That's it. Stop. Hehehehehehe

01:31:26.85
Bill
All right, man. i yeah on On that note, literally.

01:31:29.25
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:31:30.30
Bill
I love you brother.

01:31:30.41
Mike
Yes. I love you too.

01:31:32.79
Bill
And we will talk soon.

01:31:34.44
Mike
We shall.

01:31:36.37
Bill
Bye.

01:31:37.15
Mike
Bye.