SoberNotMature - Episode 163 (Gargling Snake Sperm)

00:00:01.26
Bill
All right, everyone. Welcome once again to another episode of Sober Not Mature. And okay, Mike, on a scale of one to 10, one to 10, from one to 10, let me start over.

00:00:13.20
Mike
Yes. All right.

00:00:14.43
Bill
it's like It's a good goddamn thing we don't we don't edit, right?

00:00:17.13
Mike
Right.

00:00:17.22
Bill
Okay, Mike, on a scale from one to 10, one being completely fuck this motherfucking shit, or 10 being super duper yay,

00:00:18.59
Mike
Yes.

00:00:29.20
Bill
How do you feel about recording on a Thursday night?

00:00:34.71
Mike
I'm a nice solid five.

00:00:36.82
Bill
You know, what's funny is I was thinking about what I thought about that question of like, we've, we've always said, you know, it's not our, we're not huge fans of it. And I would have done the same thing, but then I started thinking about it. Now I'm not going to try to change your opinion, but I might, I think I might sway it a little bit, not, not meeting too, but I think it might get swayed.

00:00:50.70
Mike
and Okay.

00:00:53.09
Bill
So, We, it's not like, like we said before, we do whatever the fuck we want. Right. I mean, nobody, nobody tells us we have to record on Thursday.

00:00:58.26
Mike
That's right.

00:01:01.62
Bill
There's a reason either it's you or it's me, or in this case, it's you, but thankfully, cause it helps me.

00:01:03.60
Mike
Right? Mm-hmm.

00:01:07.79
Mike
Right.

00:01:08.06
Bill
Okay.

00:01:08.88
Mike
Okay.

00:01:09.01
Bill
Which, which we'll explain in a minute because, um, I think I'm going to look at this as the what's in it for me, meaning both of us. So what's in it for us type of thing.

00:01:15.45
Mike
Sure.

00:01:17.08
Bill
So first of all, you're going to a show, which I'd love to hear more about, uh,

00:01:21.38
Mike
and Okay.

00:01:22.34
Bill
huh

00:01:22.58
Mike
yeah

00:01:22.81
Bill
Get it? Get it? More?

00:01:23.94
Mike
No. No.

00:01:25.31
Bill
Aren't you going to see? Never mind. maybe yeah Maybe I read it wrong.

00:01:27.35
Mike
i i Okay.

00:01:30.01
Bill
Okay. I'd like to hear more. I'd like to hear more about the show you're going to. Cause I, I know you're going to a show.

00:01:33.11
Mike
but Okay. I am.

00:01:34.94
Bill
Um, but also when you had brought it up, whatever that was a week or so ago, you're like last week, you're like, you know, I have Thursdays, blah, blah, blah, or next week.

00:01:40.42
Mike
Yeah.

00:01:42.36
Bill
And I'm like, I'm like, Oh, I thought I set a reminder, which I didn't. Cause I probably figured that fucking we'll talk about it. What do i what do I have to do on Thursday night ever?

00:01:50.78
Mike
Right.

00:01:51.12
Bill
You know? So I didn't make a note, but, um, but yeah, i actually, I get to get some sleep cause I'm leaving just stupid fucking early on Saturday. So, again, that that might put me towards about a seven and a half, maybe even an eight, because it works.

00:02:03.46
Mike
Mm.

00:02:03.92
Bill
It works this week, you know?

00:02:05.11
Mike
All right.

00:02:05.44
Bill
I'm not a super-duper yay, but, you know, ever about anything.

00:02:05.47
Mike
Well, good.

00:02:10.04
Mike
Right.

00:02:11.10
Bill
yeah So, anyhow, so was it was I wrong? ord you going to Who are you going to see on Saturday or tomorrow?

00:02:14.99
Mike
I'm going to see Michael Monroe.

00:02:17.23
Bill
Monroe. I thought, why did I? was say i was you know thinking of Michael michael Moore.

00:02:19.72
Mike
I don't know. and her Yeah, I'm going to see the big fat documentary filmmaker.

00:02:26.76
Bill
No, that's just, that is so fucking stupid because I know who Michael Monroe is because you talk about him enough, but I don't know why Michael Moore popped into my head.

00:02:34.01
Mike
i I don't either.

00:02:36.12
Bill
Okay, so would you ever go to see Michael Moore?

00:02:39.62
Mike
um you hide from

00:02:40.59
Bill
Yeah.

00:02:41.76
Mike
I mean, I've seen several of his movies. They're all right. you know um I can't imagine a scenario where I would

00:02:46.14
Bill
ah yeah

00:02:49.50
Mike
go see him, but I don't know.

00:02:51.27
Bill
Yeah.

00:02:51.98
Mike
Yeah.

00:02:52.38
Bill
I don't know. I was just thinking, since I accidentally brought it up. Okay, I'm sorry. Michael Monroe. So a little bit of background on Michael Monroe.

00:02:58.73
Mike
Yes.

00:03:00.13
Bill
Because I know you've seen him before. And he's from where and sings what and does what kind of dance party you're going to.

00:03:06.38
Mike
Right. Hootnanny.

00:03:08.12
Bill
Right.

00:03:08.75
Mike
Right. um Now, yeah Michael Monroe is the lead singer of Hanoi Rocks. um They were a Finnish band in the early 80s. Wonderful, kick-ass rock and roll band.

00:03:21.40
Mike
um Probably most people would know them because Vince Neil from Motley Crue killed their drummer Razzle.

00:03:30.60
Bill
Oh, okay. Okay. I gotcha.

00:03:32.18
Mike
yeah so uh yes i actually had tickets in 1985 for something like that to go see them in san francisco and uh they were down in la partying and they clearly didn't make it to san francisco so um well yeah anyway but yes michael monroe he's been doing the thing for a long long time he's uh um kind of one of us he cleaned his ass up and i don't know if he works the program or not but uh

00:03:32.33
Bill
Okay.

00:03:47.33
Bill
Right.

00:04:02.47
Mike
Yeah, you know, he was all fucked up for quite a while being a rock and roller. And now he's not. Now he's just a rock and roller who's not all fucked up.

00:04:08.41
Bill
Nice.

00:04:12.32
Bill
At least I fucked up by drugs and alcohol, right?

00:04:13.99
Mike
Right. Right. Yeah, exactly. He's finished. So, I mean, that's inherently kind of fucked up.

00:04:17.64
Bill
Hey. yeah Well, you know that I'm, I'm at least, I'm at least half of that, half of that nationality.

00:04:21.50
Mike
Yeah.

00:04:23.58
Bill
So yeah, I resemble that.

00:04:23.62
Mike
I know.

00:04:25.00
Bill
I resemble that a lot.

00:04:26.30
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:04:26.44
Bill
Um, yeah, Kathy did the, i don't know if I ever told you she did the whole, um, like whatever the DNA testing is.

00:04:31.94
Mike
23andMe or whatever ancestry one of the yeah right right

00:04:32.15
Bill
but Yeah, probably. Yeah.

00:04:36.29
Bill
Well, in, you know, on our dance side, it's easy because I mean, both of our grandparents and our, and our dad is fucking Finnish. I mean, we know where half of our, half of us come from, you know. um But the other half was always, we thought that on Grandma Jay's side of things, it was that she was English and Dutch.

00:04:53.62
Bill
And then Grandpa Jay, the mean motherfucker was um hope Polish and Russian.

00:04:53.64
Mike
uh-huh Ah, yeah. As a half Polish guy, I can relate to the meanness of the polls.

00:05:00.36
Bill
And that's a

00:05:04.93
Mike
Absolutely.

00:05:05.20
Bill
Yeah, that had they had the fucking Russian to him.

00:05:05.71
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:05:07.37
Bill
You know, he's as a mean motherfucker.

00:05:09.17
Mike
Right.

00:05:09.30
Bill
um I mean, he he was, we we knew him more in his in his kinder age, but I don't know.

00:05:13.68
Mike
Sure.

00:05:13.78
Bill
We heard we heard some stories. and I guess his dad was fucking terrible.

00:05:15.17
Mike
Mm-hmm. Sure.

00:05:16.88
Bill
But, you know, again, generationally. But um yeah I forget what she what she figured out with that. But I think that all all this time, we're we're not all of that part of it anymore.

00:05:26.45
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:05:26.56
Bill
um I don't remember what what she had said, but I'm like, really? Well, at least we're still the Finnish side of things. We can't argue with that. We don't need a goddamn DNA testing for that.

00:05:33.19
Mike
Right.

00:05:35.39
Bill
we We know where that came from. But yeah, so, well, that's cool.

00:05:36.70
Mike
Right.

00:05:39.50
Bill
And again, not seeing Michael Moore, the documentary dude. Okay.

00:05:42.89
Mike
No.

00:05:43.17
Bill
The other guy, the other guy.

00:05:44.04
Mike
Yes. yeah Very different. Google, will yeah, does not look anything like Michael Moore.

00:05:52.18
Bill
the complete opposite other guy. Okay.

00:05:54.25
Mike
Pretty much.

00:05:54.56
Bill
Okay. Okay, cool. Yeah. And, uh, it was just so funny when you, when you had brought it, cause literally I was just gonna, I was going to suck it up. I wasn't going to bring it up. Cause I'm like, you know I know same thing as I know that Thursday nights are not really, not that it's a big deal, but, um, you know, and especially for you, you're, you know, in real time, you're an hour later than me and all that stuff.

00:06:08.72
Mike
Yeah. Mm-hmm.

00:06:14.36
Mike
Right.

00:06:16.02
Bill
It just, it just, it,

00:06:16.56
Mike
Yeah. oh I mean, having to get up and go to work after doing this is, yeah, kind of a pain in the ass, but yes.

00:06:21.76
Bill
Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, I don't, I don't put anything together. I just, I download one thing. It takes me an extra 15 minutes, maybe when we're done, nothing big, but, but still, and I'm just going like, a fuck it.

00:06:28.88
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:06:31.01
Bill
I'm going to suck it up. Cause I'm going to leave it like four in the morning on Saturday.

00:06:34.03
Mike
ah

00:06:35.06
Bill
Cause it's, it's every bit of, it's like nine hours of driving. i always figure with stops, I give myself 45 minutes to an hour depending.

00:06:41.19
Mike
Sure.

00:06:41.66
Bill
And then, uh, you know, again, you know, quote unquote, lose an hour going down to North Carolina. So I'm like, I always want to get there right on time, you know?

00:06:47.96
Mike
Yeah.

00:06:48.52
Bill
Um, cause again, make the most of of my time there.

00:06:51.19
Mike
Yeah.

00:06:51.75
Bill
I was just going fucking suck it up. So when you said it, I'm like, oh my God, it works out fucking perfect.

00:06:54.79
Mike
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

00:06:56.20
Bill
And then nobody's in the goddamn house. So I could, I could go to bed at six if I want. And, you know, actually I could go to sleep, which I won't, but I mean, I can get, I can get more than like three hours of sleep.

00:07:00.39
Mike
yeah

00:07:06.07
Bill
And I did that one time when I was in Arkansas and drove out to West Virginia. Cause at night I'm just like, I can't stay in this fucking condo anymore. I'm done. I'm getting up, I'm leaving, you know, but, uh,

00:07:13.31
Mike
Right. All

00:07:15.58
Bill
Yeah. So, um yeah, that's if I don't know if who worked out well. So anyhow, my whole point is that in most cases I'm right there with you. Solid five. But I think tonight I think we'll go with the we'll go with a seven and a half.

00:07:27.37
Bill
How's that?

00:07:27.40
Mike
all right. Well, good for you. I'm still sitting at my, on my five.

00:07:29.45
Bill
And it's it's easiest.

00:07:31.14
Mike
Yep.

00:07:33.14
Bill
Anyhow, just right the fucking middle. All right. So um first, second of all, you sound better.

00:07:38.43
Mike
Yes. Yeah. I am. um I'm about 80% my usual Hmm. Hmm.

00:07:46.03
Mike
yeah

00:07:47.89
Bill
So whatever your whatever your normal health is, you're 80% of your normal health.

00:07:51.70
Mike
yes exactly

00:07:52.54
Bill
Okay.

00:07:53.50
Mike
yeah

00:07:53.78
Bill
Yeah, it it was just, I tell you, it was it was funny because Kathy listened to to the podcast on whatever night it was. She's like, I just listened to it. might have been Sunday. She's like, poor Mike. I'm like, yeah, he was fucking messed up. And then I told her, I said, maybe maybe maybe it was, i don't know whatever day it was. Because Saturday, um I told you i was gonna I was thinking about just going online thing. and Because I had this cold that just been lingering.

00:08:14.32
Bill
i i did It wasn't the normal...

00:08:14.42
Mike
Of

00:08:17.34
Bill
Sinus infection, like I get, but definitely something, whatever it is that I just figured, okay, worst case, throw it in front of a doctor and say, this is all the shit that's going on with me. Am I missing something type of thing? And they did, they gave me, they gave me an antibiotic, which quite honestly hasn't helped, but, uh, I was kind of joking around with, with Kathy and Kylie and I'm like, well, one way or the other, I'm sure I got some bacteria in me that needs be fucking killed.

00:08:30.89
Mike
sir course not.

00:08:37.32
Mike
Well, sure.

00:08:37.61
Bill
So, you know, it's, it's not going to hurt me.

00:08:38.43
Mike
Yeah.

00:08:40.61
Bill
Yeah. You know, but um yeah, I'll tell you what, it's just, I still have the stuffiness, a little run down, whatever. I feel better. It takes me like a good half a day before, you know, like probably early afternoon before I kind of feel, you know, kind of like out of whatever, i don't know, run down I do.

00:08:57.21
Mike
Right.

00:08:57.41
Bill
um But then, you know, some of it, I don't know, do antibiotics ever, can they ever run you down? Like, a big yeah they don't make it draw you drowsy or anything, dude.

00:09:04.01
Mike
No.

00:09:04.71
Bill
Okay. So I'm like, cause it was, it almost seemed like I've had worse days over the last few days than I did, but maybe it, hopefully it's peaking and it's going to come out of it. But yeah, I don't know.

00:09:12.87
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:09:14.37
Bill
But yeah, welcome. Welcome to another episode of what ails old men.

00:09:18.30
Mike
Right. Nice. I suppose.

00:09:20.91
Bill
All right, so we we got plenty of more stuff here. I got, don't know, i got I got some things that came up this week.

00:09:23.62
Mike
Right.

00:09:26.09
Bill
We got two comments, one on YouTube, ah one through our pod page or through our website.

00:09:28.31
Mike
cool

00:09:31.56
Mike
nice

00:09:31.64
Bill
um Number of fucks we'll talk about in a minute from last episode. um Yeah, I got some other shit, normal stuff, but what do you think? yeah are you Are you up for a reading? Notice you're back on 80% of yours.

00:09:40.90
Mike
i suppose

00:09:43.11
Bill
What'd you say, 62?

00:09:43.21
Mike
right I did.

00:09:47.20
Bill
That's great. That's awesome.

00:09:49.91
Mike
Yeah. So, uh, sure. Here we go. Uh, God grant me. it was, uh, earlier in the week, actually, um This past week, pretty much, I've got like four dog-eared, but I'm pretty sure we've done all of them.

00:10:04.87
Bill
Really? Okay.

00:10:06.79
Mike
So, um but I don't know, for some reason, it's a pretty damn good week.

00:10:07.00
Bill
okay

00:10:11.59
Mike
So ah March 27th, I went for, and here it is. um You shall judge a man by his foes as well as his friends.

00:10:23.24
Mike
Joseph Conrad. an author. He wrote Heart of Darkness, among other things. Anyway, hopefully now that we are in recovery, we like people who are honest and kind.

00:10:35.66
Mike
We like people who stand for values and principles we respect. We are learning to admire and like people who do a good job of living in a way that makes the world a little better for others.

00:10:49.80
Mike
oh Not everyone is the kind of person we want as a friend. There are people who are misguided. Some are even evil. oh They care more about objects, money, and power than they care for people.

00:11:06.84
Mike
Sometimes they do a great deal of harm to others. It is true that others judge us by who we choose as friends and who we take a stand against.

00:11:19.67
Mike
We can learn about ourselves this way too. We can help ourselves grow into better people by choosing friends who are the kind of people we want to be. Prayer for the day.

00:11:31.70
Mike
Higher power. Help me be on the right side of things. Line me up with good people and help me be alert to people who bring trouble. Today's action.

00:11:43.85
Mike
Pesky goddamn actions. I will list the person or persons who seem to be my foe right now and talk with my sponsor about how to handle my feelings and behavior and behaviors around this person.

00:12:02.63
Bill
First of all, I was laughing when you said those goddamn pesky actions.

00:12:06.06
Mike
Yep. Yep.

00:12:09.01
Bill
i mean I like to always say you always call pesky actions, but I can't remember you ever saying those.

00:12:09.52
Mike
oh

00:12:13.49
Bill
And you just slowed down those goddamn pesky actions.

00:12:16.80
Mike
yo

00:12:17.93
Bill
Okay, so first of all, um and I didn't remember again that the body of that, ah that reading, but the end part I did, because I think we we may have talked about this last year or the year before, only because, well, there's a couple of readings to talk about that as far as who are you mad at?

00:12:32.50
Mike
Sure.

00:12:33.29
Bill
Like, who do you hate type of thing?

00:12:34.98
Mike
Uh-huh. Right.

00:12:35.80
Bill
So what was that end part?

00:12:36.04
Mike
Uh...

00:12:36.68
Bill
Like people who are our foes right now?

00:12:39.01
Mike
Right. I will list the person or persons who seem to be my foe right now.

00:12:45.33
Bill
Okay, so I think my question is going to be, probably as it might have been in other circumstances, maybe not this one, but um do you have a foe at the moment?

00:12:54.97
Mike
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

00:12:57.04
Bill
I mean, do you think you have anyone that you could that you could put into foe status?

00:13:01.75
Mike
Right, right. Faux, five. um ah Five head.

00:13:05.37
Bill
A foe head.

00:13:08.40
Bill
Yeah.

00:13:08.43
Mike
all I mean, no, not really. i mean, again, because we have talked about this, right, I don't allow those kind of people in my life anymore, so No, I mean, there's nobody, you know, i mean, there's kind of one, but again, not really huge part of my life. So, um, not anything that I concern my, with myself with very much anymore.

00:13:32.46
Mike
Um, man. No, I mean, and again, you know, no one active in my life because I just don't allow that shit in my life. If you're, again, behaving in a way that I don't agree with, that doesn't match my values, blah, blah, blah, blah. blah ah I'm not around you.

00:13:51.96
Bill
Right.

00:13:52.43
Mike
Yeah. So, no.

00:13:55.18
Bill
Yeah. and I mean, I was thinking about the same thing when, and I thought about it when I read that. And like I said, there, there's at least, at least two or three readings throughout the year. And I think from God grant me that have that same, maybe not those same words, but that same concept of who are you in, you know, like, who are you in conflict with is, I guess, maybe the best way to put it, however they want to word it.

00:14:08.25
Mike
Mm-hmm. Sure.

00:14:12.22
Mike
Right. Mm-hmm. Right.

00:14:14.94
Bill
And, and you know what, and we have, we've talked about And the answer is kind of this, not kind of, it is the same that I really don't either, know, have anyone that's active in my life.

00:14:19.93
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:14:22.28
Mike
Yeah.

00:14:24.76
Mike
Yeah.

00:14:25.06
Bill
I run across people that, you know, maybe be an immediate foe.

00:14:26.42
Mike
Oh, sure. ah Right.

00:14:29.09
Bill
like Fuck, foe, you foe, foe, fuck you.

00:14:32.13
Mike
Yes.

00:14:32.92
Bill
You know, I don't want to, but but then again, i don't have to deal with that person on a, on a daily basis.

00:14:36.84
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:14:37.33
Bill
Um, and even, uh, yeah, I can't think of, I can't even think of anyone that I happen to run across on a regular basis that I can't like, you know, more or less like you can't get away from, you go to run into them every once in a while.

00:14:44.16
Mike
No.

00:14:48.13
Mike
Yeah. Right. Mm-hmm.

00:14:49.56
Bill
Um, not even by choice type of thing, but, uh, and that's, I'm sure we've said it before, but that's ah it's kind of a nice feeling, isn't it?

00:14:56.87
Mike
Oh, yeah.

00:14:57.08
Bill
Yeah.

00:14:57.31
Mike
Absolutely. Yeah. Right.

00:15:01.31
Bill
It just, it takes too much goddamn work to, um I don't know, to be in, to be in a mental battle with somebody like that.

00:15:03.58
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:15:08.36
Bill
And in the same thing with resentments, like but that's what it is.

00:15:08.69
Mike
Right. Mm-hmm.

00:15:11.90
Bill
It's a, it's, you know, form of a resentment is that, you know, the, the mindset of that is that first of all, the person probably has no fucking idea that we don't like them.

00:15:19.92
Mike
Right.

00:15:20.00
Bill
If we didn't like a person, you know, or maybe they bother us and they, we don't bother them or they don't give a shit, you know, so we're sitting over here holding, what did they say?

00:15:25.51
Mike
Right.

00:15:27.78
Bill
Holding a hot rock and hoping that it burns somebody else or something like that. and

00:15:30.94
Mike
you're Right. and Drinking poison and hope the other person dies.

00:15:35.74
Bill
Yeah. And, um, like you said, you know, you don't want to waste any, any of those calories. Life's too short and all the other things, but, um, yeah, I just can't, first of all, I think we're both lucky, fortunate, or again, maybe the way that we design our lives and live our lives.

00:15:42.19
Mike
it is. Mm-hmm.

00:15:49.33
Mike
o

00:15:50.08
Bill
We don't have to deal with that. Hopefully that's part of the reason. But, um, I mean, again, what a, what a gift, you know, not to have to, to have to have that turmoil.

00:15:58.01
Mike
Yeah. Right. Yeah, exactly. I mean, why why would you want to? Right. I mean, and generally the excuse I know in in my past when I did allow that sort of nonsense in my life, um you know, do but I love them. Right.

00:16:15.36
Mike
Right.

00:16:17.22
Bill
Yeah.

00:16:18.26
Mike
right

00:16:18.62
Bill
Yeah. Right.

00:16:19.31
Mike
Hmm. Yes. Okay. ah What exactly do you love about them? Well, not a goddamn thing, but, but I love them. Okay. Well, no, um, thankfully through this program, we've, uh, straightened our heads out enough to not deceive ourselves like that anymore.

00:16:40.52
Bill
Right.

00:16:40.71
Mike
You know, I mean, it's kind of, you know, the same with the substances. So I, you know, I love getting fucked up. Do you really? Do you really? Yes. I mean, it feels good for, you know, whatever.

00:16:50.84
Bill
Right.

00:16:51.09
Mike
But I mean, everything else is collapsing around you. And, you know, um majority of the time, you don't feel good from it

00:17:00.48
Bill
right

00:17:00.47
Mike
um yeah Yeah. Again, deceiving ourselves. um We don't tend to live our lives that way anymore. So um that kind of say luckily carries over, you know, byproduct, whatever of, of living the right way is we don't have people in our lives that we care about. Oh, they're they're so wonderful. by hate them.

00:17:22.26
Mike
They fucking, I hate everything about them, but yeah, but they're in my life. Okay. That, that makes complete sense.

00:17:27.28
Bill
Right.

00:17:29.71
Bill
Well, in in thinking about that, the reason I laughed so hard when you said that is because it immediately thought about that. I'm like, oh, shit, I was i was easily a couple of people's foe for a long time.

00:17:39.26
Mike
Oh, sure.

00:17:40.07
Bill
You know, I mean, i think I can. I don't want to speak for you, but I think that you and I fall into the same category that, yeah, I mean, people people did. They loved and car about it cared about us.

00:17:47.76
Mike
and sir Right.

00:17:48.19
Bill
But all we were doing was, you know, over here exploding up ah everyone's lives, including our own. And, um you know, we were we were the foe.

00:17:53.20
Mike
Yeah.

00:17:55.65
Bill
We were the foe.

00:17:55.86
Mike
Yeah, exactly. Right. And, you know, for I mean, you know, hopefully they there was something there that, you know, we've hung on to and and whatever and you know, that they hung on to us. But I mean, you know, i there's a lot of people that didn't because they really took a good look at us and went, and fuck that shit.

00:18:16.66
Mike
see

00:18:17.50
Bill
Right.

00:18:17.96
Mike
That is an awful human being over there. Mm-hmm.

00:18:22.68
Bill
Yeah. And that's why, I mean, even, uh, I don't know what it's, say I think about it in this time, this time of year, I mean, obviously we're, we're coming up on our anniversaries and it's, it usually hits me more. though The reflection time usually hits me more in the beginning of the year. So over the last, um, couple of months, not so much, you know, as we get this close to it, i don't know why, but it's usually that again, January, February is like, Oh, the anniversary. Now you can see it coming up, you know?

00:18:45.74
Mike
Right.

00:18:46.25
Bill
Um, you know, but just kind of, kind of thinking back and, um I've had these flashes over the last couple of months of just, you know, um, uh, quite honestly, a shitty fucking memory, you know, about what I, what I did or how I treated somebody or that sort of thing.

00:19:00.27
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:19:01.58
Bill
Um, these things just kind of pop back in and, know, look at that and like, Jesus fucking Christ. You know, first of all, You know, it's, it's, it those moments, it's hard not to have, you know, yeah in a minimum, I have an an immediate ah feeling of regret and sorrow and remorse, but it doesn't stick, you know, because I, I know that, um you know, I might think about how I treated my daughter or how I treated my exes and, um you know, or anyone else, a friend, another family member.

00:19:16.29
Mike
Sure. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Right.

00:19:28.21
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:19:28.51
Bill
um But then I, but then I look at, I'm like, okay, well, dumbass, what do you have now type of thing, you know?

00:19:33.07
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:19:33.66
Bill
Um, and, and realizing, and, um, you know, obviously being grateful, you know, for, for that. And it is, it's such a, i mean, it's, again, it's been, you know, it's been 15 years, you know, or coming up on it.

00:19:39.41
Mike
Yep.

00:19:43.85
Mike
Right.

00:19:44.40
Bill
It's a long fucking time, but it isn't, you know, like we just talked about it in last episode that whatever I was saying to Pam, I was probably, you know, again, triggering quote unquote, you know, these old feelings from, you know, fucking 30 years ago when we split and I'm like, God damn, yeah.

00:19:46.34
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:19:53.17
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:19:56.25
Mike
Yeah. Yeah. Right. Exactly.

00:20:00.01
Bill
Which is mind blowing. But yeah, I'm just, I don't know. It just, ah it's, it's obvious to say, I think, you know, that I'm really glad that I don't have to live that life anymore. You know?

00:20:09.77
Mike
Right. exactly

00:20:12.44
Bill
So a couple of the things I wrote down, um you know, um obviously honest and kind, I think was talking about us being that way, ah living with values and principles, making the the world better for others, at which I, that's when you're like, Hmm.

00:20:25.92
Bill
Hmm.

00:20:26.44
Mike
Right. Yeah. say Right. Well, I mean, it was talking about, you know, seeing that in other people and that's what you want to be around.

00:20:34.68
Bill
Right.

00:20:35.17
Mike
Yeah. Not being around the kind of assholes that we used to be. Yeah.

00:20:39.92
Bill
Right.

00:20:39.91
Mike
I mean, why? Why? No, I don't want to be around any of that. You know, I want to be around people who are who share my values and and and are trying to do the right thing. And yeah, why you know, I think it's kind of important, you know, people are like, you know, new in sobriety and stuff. But I mean, you know, they're looking at the the people in their lives, you know, who...

00:21:03.37
Mike
put up with them and and i mean we've kind of we i don't know i always sort of did that i think you know wanted to be around people like me sort of you know not really i mean i didn't want to be around anybody as awful as i was but um i even knew that in the depths of my insanity that didn't want to be around anybody like me all you know not much anyway you know occasionally if they had something for me but um

00:21:13.27
Bill
Right.

00:21:31.86
Bill
Right.

00:21:32.38
Mike
Yeah. But yeah, I don't just, you know, look, being around people that, right you know, have what you want. And it's, you know, it's, it's tough to, again, back to the early in sobriety, you know, I mean, sometimes you got to fucking cut those people loose, man. You know, they've been, whatever, they've been a part of your life, your whole life, whatever. And,

00:21:54.86
Mike
um Yeah, you know, you get sober and you look around and you go, wow, why, you know, I mean, you figure out, you know, doing that fourth step and all that good stuff, um you know, why you were around those people.

00:22:08.31
Mike
But you realize that you don't want to be around them. And guess what? You don't have to be around them anymore.

00:22:16.08
Bill
right

00:22:16.18
Mike
Yeah, yeah.

00:22:18.15
Bill
Well, and, and, you know, the, the funny part when you were saying that too, it made me think about, and, you know, a couple of, a couple of friends of mine that had, you know, I sort of reached out to me and, you know, people now, you know, those individuals, there's, you know, three right off the top of my head that I can think of that, you know, they know I'm sober.

00:22:33.38
Bill
I haven't seen any of them since I've been sober, but messaged and whatever, and this and that.

00:22:36.19
Mike
Right.

00:22:38.39
Bill
And, you know, just one of those things where, you know, a couple of times, you know, Hey, be nice to get together and, Like, yeah, let's see what's going on type of thing. And thinking of my head, I'm like, and I was hesitant because, um, mainly because I thought to myself, why, you know, and what do I have in, in common?

00:22:45.44
Mike
Right.

00:22:54.19
Mike
Right.

00:22:56.71
Bill
Yes, they know I'm sober. Yes. I know they're going to be supportive. I, I don't feel they're not, they're not dangerous people, but,

00:23:02.64
Mike
Right.

00:23:03.29
Bill
Um, realizing that, okay, was it only these things that we had in common or do I, maybe if I didn't, if it wasn't just that, um, do I really have anything in common? Do I want to take the time to, do I want to take the time?

00:23:16.25
Bill
Do I want to, you know, wait, I know if waste is wrong.

00:23:16.81
Mike
Yeah.

00:23:19.17
Bill
Do I want to expend my time and energy to even try to hang out with that individual?

00:23:21.81
Mike
Right.

00:23:23.79
Bill
If I don't feel like I'm, I don't want something, but I, at least want to feel, um, I don't know, fulfilled. Is that the wrong word? I don't even know. You know what i mean?

00:23:32.10
Mike
yeah Yeah, I mean, i get it. you know I mean, yeah, there are people in my past, same thing. you know and It's like, that yeah I'm a different person, and um ah i' I'm with you, man.

00:23:43.28
Mike
Do I really want to go through all the trouble of finding out, and you know are we going to reconnect on a different level now or whatever?

00:23:51.76
Bill
Right.

00:23:52.29
Mike
And it's like, I don't know. I don't know that I've... have that bandwidth to want to try to yeah what what would be the end game and what you know what if it doesn't and i just wasted all this time and energy for nothing and um yeah you know it's it's the past and you know i i don't want to dwell on it i i'm not going to go back and try to recapture something or I don't know. It just seems like kind of like you said, a waste of time, man.

00:24:24.96
Bill
Right.

00:24:25.53
Mike
Yeah. You know, I mean, it's, it's great. I'm glad you're doing well. I'm glad I'm doing well, but you do well over there. I'll do well over here. Thanks.

00:24:35.00
Bill
hang over here and be well and you'd be well over there.

00:24:36.40
Mike
Yeah. Yeah.

00:24:37.28
Bill
We're all we're all good.

00:24:37.70
Mike
Right.

00:24:38.08
Bill
We're all we're all well. It's all good.

00:24:39.10
Mike
We are. Yeah, exactly.

00:24:41.54
Bill
Well, it's kind of funny was when i was I was trying to stay away from saying, you know, if I don't want to go through the time and effort, I'm not going to get something out of it. i But I didn't mean it that way, but that's kind of what I mean.

00:24:50.79
Mike
Right.

00:24:51.40
Bill
you know And that's why I was trying to think of the word fulfilled. Is it going to be a positive experience? Maybe it's a better way to put it.

00:24:57.05
Mike
Sure.

00:24:57.68
Bill
Or is it just going to be, you know, blah. I don't need fucking blah in my life.

00:25:01.29
Mike
Right.

00:25:01.61
Bill
It may not be bad. It may not be good. i don't need, except for being a number five on recording on a Thursday night.

00:25:06.80
Mike
Sure.

00:25:07.29
Bill
I'm i'm cool with that.

00:25:08.44
Mike
Yeah.

00:25:08.79
Bill
I'm cool with being in the middle with that. I'm cool with being in the middle of politics. I'm cool with being in the middle with the fucking bullshit that goes out in in the world.

00:25:16.01
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:25:16.23
Bill
um I don't mind being in the middle of that stuff, but I don't want to, if I go out and do something, I want to be able to, again, hopefully end up with that byproduct, not seek happiness, but I don't want to just, I don't know.

00:25:26.24
Mike
Right.

00:25:28.15
Bill
I'm done being fucking blah in my life. What is the purpose? I can sit here and watch TV and just be, just be blah.

00:25:33.72
Mike
Right. And I mean, you know, and I mean, at this point in my life, um you know, I want new experiences.

00:25:34.54
Bill
I'm fine with that. Yeah.

00:25:41.44
Mike
i want, yeah, you know, I'm not going to go to try and salvage something from the past.

00:25:41.70
Bill
Right.

00:25:47.21
Mike
um Yeah. that I mean, that's kind of it for a big part. That one just came to me. You know, mean, I want new stuff. I want new what shiny and new.

00:25:54.70
Bill
Right.

00:25:56.98
Mike
Yeah. Yeah, I mean, you know, and it could be, but it could not be. i mean, it's based on something that already happened and a doesn't interest me.

00:26:02.97
Bill
Right.

00:26:09.28
Bill
Yeah. And that's a, that's a good way to put it about new experiences. And that, uh, just, I thought about, you know, that kind of made me think about, you know, just again, with this, some of the traveling and stuff like that.

00:26:18.12
Mike
Right.

00:26:18.42
Bill
And I, and I don't have any issue with being, um, you know, with being here, you know, um, I don't do much of anything when I'm, when I'm at Kathy's house, which is, that's fine.

00:26:22.68
Mike
Yeah.

00:26:26.96
Bill
Cause sometimes I just need to do nothing.

00:26:28.54
Mike
Sure, yeah.

00:26:29.13
Bill
Having a weekend when I don't, when I don't have anything to do is kind of fucking nice every once in a while.

00:26:33.27
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:26:34.03
Bill
Um, I can still occupy my days. I still don't, I don't sleep all day or anything like that.

00:26:38.35
Mike
Right.

00:26:38.47
Bill
I get shit done that has to get done. Um, you know, but even going back to like, there's certain areas that I want to go back to, but I, I want to like the North Carolina, I've been there. I've been there that to that, this place I'm going to.

00:26:51.42
Mike
Right.

00:26:51.81
Bill
Um, but I mean that, so I'm going to the same place. I've done that before. But i'm I'm trying to map out different where places I want to go. i don't want to go back and see the same things. I did that in in the Ozarks.

00:27:00.58
Mike
Right. Right.

00:27:02.61
Bill
I went two different type times a year. um The third time I was there, I went to the same um like park area, but hit a whole different trail. you know

00:27:10.83
Mike
Right.

00:27:11.43
Bill
Um, so again, you know, it's just nothing wrong with the trails I went on, but I'm like, i don't, I know people do that. Whatever it is, they walk the same thing every day. They do the same stuff. Like me, I eat the same fucking meals every day.

00:27:20.76
Mike
ahha right

00:27:23.20
Bill
I'm fine with that. Food is fuel. It doesn't give me an experience. New restaurant every once in a while. It's fine. All wonderful. But that's a great way to put it. I want, I do.

00:27:34.37
Bill
I want new experiences. God damn it.

00:27:36.62
Mike
Yeah, right.

00:27:37.07
Bill
Yeah.

00:27:39.20
Mike
Yeah. I mean, you know, exactly. We we spent a large majority of our lives, you know, ah experiencing the same thing over and over again. um kind of kind of done with that.

00:27:49.52
Bill
Right.

00:27:50.93
Mike
Thank you. Mm-hmm.

00:27:52.09
Bill
Yeah. Our own ground, groundhog day, fucking hell. So the, the other thing that I wrote down, you know, obviously something about objects, money and power, but the, the thing that I wrote down though, was, um, you know, people will look at who we take a stand against, or we should take a look at people,

00:28:08.49
Bill
and who they take a stand against.

00:28:08.48
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:28:10.49
Bill
I thought that was interesting. So um what are your thoughts on that? I mean, do you, do you look at that like, ah like an individual that you think may, you may light up well, whoever it is in your life, but if they're taking a stand against whatever, does that, do you pay attention to that?

00:28:20.81
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:28:25.15
Bill
Depending as maybe it was, it depend.

00:28:26.83
Mike
I mean... Yeah, ah you know, some, I i don't know, i kind of find it a waste of time to spend your energy working against something, um no matter what it is, you know?

00:28:43.12
Bill
Right. Yeah.

00:28:44.14
Mike
Yeah, I mean, i you know, the people i see that do that out in the world, they're raging against whatever the fuck they're raging against, it's like... I don't know take that energy and make something better.

00:28:57.57
Mike
Don't spend it fighting, spend it building. i find that far more constructive than, than trying to, you know, oppose something that's probably not going to change because, you know, you're fighting against it.

00:29:03.62
Bill
Right.

00:29:12.38
Mike
It's, it's, it's the whole war mentality. I'm going to beat you into submission. Well, you're probably not. um

00:29:22.06
Bill
Yeah.

00:29:23.98
Mike
So, I mean, yeah, you know, I'm taking a stand against something. How about taking a stand for something? I find that much more attractive.

00:29:34.43
Bill
Yeah, and you know what? i yeah I never thought about it that way, but um that that is true because i was I was trying to think of anything that... I don't...

00:29:44.52
Mike
Hmm.

00:29:45.01
Bill
I don't think there's anything in my life right now that i've that I'm taking a stand against.

00:29:50.26
Mike
Nah.

00:29:50.98
Bill
um I mean... even Even with like you know people we try to... you know success thought of about okay so Are we standing against addiction? no we're we're trying to make things better.

00:30:02.46
Bill
you know Are we standing against if somebody around us is you know gets sick?

00:30:02.77
Mike
Yeah.

00:30:06.45
Bill
or and No, we're trying to help that person.

00:30:08.68
Mike
Yeah.

00:30:09.10
Bill
um that I'm sure it's fucked up trying to stand against all these fucking morons that are you know in that D.C. area or any other any other political office. Again, again try If the only way, the only way that I could see when I, when I see a lot of people complain about, and this has been before this moron that's in the office now, but um yeah.

00:30:28.46
Mike
Right, it was the other moron.

00:30:30.27
Bill
And then it was the other moron and the other moron.

00:30:31.47
Mike
Right. And and the moron before him and the moron before him. Right.

00:30:34.97
Bill
Yeah. The only thing that I've ever thought to myself with these, anyone who's ever gotten up in arms about politics, my thought is always in, why don't you fucking run?

00:30:43.45
Mike
Yeah.

00:30:44.21
Bill
You know, go get into politics, make a difference, get in there and do something about it rather than bitching about it.

00:30:44.91
Mike
Right. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

00:30:50.63
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:30:50.84
Bill
Now, um I'm not saying that i I don't complain about what goes on in the world, but I realize the helplessness and more so even now, you know, the powerlessness, you know, that that we have and that I have, um you know, and obviously if somebody's hurting, I try to help people, all those sort of things.

00:30:55.54
Mike
Sure.

00:30:58.60
Mike
Mm-hmm. Right.

00:31:06.66
Mike
Yeah.

00:31:07.14
Bill
You know, I'm not i'm not for people being in pain, um you know, but then again,

00:31:10.29
Mike
Right.

00:31:13.21
Bill
I don't want to be a fucking politician.

00:31:15.19
Mike
Right. Yeah.

00:31:16.70
Bill
So I guess I'm just going to take it every once in a while because I'm not, I'm not willing to get in there and say, okay, I'm going to get in there and make a goddamn difference because I don't have the energy.

00:31:19.84
Mike
huh

00:31:24.55
Mike
right

00:31:28.01
Bill
I just don't. But that's a really good point. Yeah, it's a matter of, you know, why stand against something, stand for something and why, you know, try to try to, you know, push something down, try to try to take that energy in and build something.

00:31:34.96
Mike
yeah

00:31:40.70
Mike
isn

00:31:40.85
Bill
God damn it, Mike, look at you. That was I can tell you're feeling better.

00:31:42.15
Mike
yeah

00:31:44.42
Bill
You're you're good.

00:31:44.65
Mike
Yeah, right.

00:31:46.53
Bill
That's a very, very good, clear thought. Well thought out.

00:31:49.36
Mike
Wow. All right.

00:31:49.81
Bill
You know, great. It was that was a revelation. God damn it.

00:31:52.43
Mike
If my microphone wasn't on a boom stand, I would drop it.

00:31:58.11
Bill
Well, you theoretically did. You theoretically pretended that you dropped your microphone.

00:31:59.60
Mike
Right. c

00:32:02.05
Bill
But no, that was that was good. I like that. I like that a lot. All right. So anything else from the the reading itself? Anything else that came to mind or anything at all?

00:32:11.54
Mike
Now, i've clearly, I'm fucking done.

00:32:14.65
Bill
Yeah, I mean, you can't, i' I'm going to just come right out and say it. Yeah, you're, I don't, I don't expect much more of you tonight or you know, maybe even for the next handful. Well, what episode is this?

00:32:23.54
Mike
How about ever?

00:32:24.60
Bill
and I was going to say, what when's the last time you said something profound? I don't even, going to write it down.

00:32:28.33
Mike
i don't know.

00:32:31.60
Bill
Episode one, Mike said something profound.

00:32:38.69
Bill
All right. So, so real quick. So talking about our friends over there at the Sober Curator, um just as a reminder, the Sober Curator podcast launched last Wednesday, ah which was the 26th of March.

00:32:42.82
Mike
Yes.

00:32:48.35
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:32:50.79
Bill
um Episode six, I think just landed. I'm going to say landed because I don't like dropped. Fuck it. It dropped. um Yesterday on Wednesday.

00:32:57.97
Mike
Right.

00:33:00.35
Bill
So I think there's six episodes I've listened to. um Five. I listened part of the six one. Pretty much listened to all of them.

00:33:07.50
Mike
Huh?

00:33:09.11
Bill
Okay. And I'm going to. Well, first of all, all of you guys should listen to the Sober the sober Curator. They're our friends. They're our partners.

00:33:15.20
Mike
and

00:33:15.35
Bill
um We will end up being part of, you know, the podcast. I had an opportunity to, um to talk on it. Not a big deal. was fun, you know, but got an, got an opportunity. Mike and I will be involved going forward, ah but take, you know, support them because they support us is the main way to put it.

00:33:29.30
Mike
Right. Yeah.

00:33:30.38
Bill
And, um,

00:33:31.33
Mike
We were featured it in the emails a couple of times. I was like, oh look at that. That's me.

00:33:36.31
Bill
Yeah, I know.

00:33:36.38
Mike
Yeah.

00:33:37.11
Bill
it was kind of funny because the the individual, Alex, that that writes those emails. And I mean, i've I've seen her on some of the meetings. I've never had a hand an opportunity to talk with her. But, um you know, she obviously promoted the fact that it was, you know, at least a second time.

00:33:50.15
Bill
And she's like, it's the reunion that nobody thought they needed, but we're glad it happened.

00:33:50.75
Mike
Right.

00:33:53.32
Mike
Yeah. Yeah.

00:33:54.09
Bill
And I'm like, that's fucking funny.

00:33:54.38
Mike
right

00:33:55.82
Bill
And when I read that, I'm like, I'm like, yeah, that's us.

00:33:58.69
Mike
yeah

00:33:59.52
Bill
Yeah. But no, it was fun. I mean, you know, yeah, our podcast was, but anyhow, yes, they support us, but I was going to kind of make a joke and, you know, we have a list of all the things there they're doing well over there and all the things they're not doing well. There's nothing, I can't be critical of it because they do.

00:34:12.79
Bill
um the here's Here's the funny part. So in, in listening to it and also being, being part of it because there was that, again, that show running point. And um we had a good conversation. I think it turned out it it'll be a, it'll be a decent episode. I think whenever it comes out, um it was comfortable. It was fun. It was, you know, it was, you know, a lot of humor back and forth.

00:34:31.54
Bill
um I think lose probably more loose than some of the other ones. And I don't, I'm not saying that I was a reason for it, but I think that I just, I have less of a,

00:34:37.37
Mike
ah

00:34:39.71
Bill
I have less of a stuffiness, I think, than anyone else that might might have been on there. No offense to them. They're all cool people, including Elise.

00:34:45.34
Mike
right

00:34:46.52
Bill
um But I just, i don't give a fuck as much.

00:34:48.72
Mike
Right, exactly. Clearly, if you listen to this, you know we don't fucking care.

00:34:54.01
Bill
yeah Right. But it it was fun. But anyhow, the funny part was, is when when we were starting off, one of the ah one of the people that was on there, she was she went to ah like move her microphone.

00:35:05.95
Bill
She had a microphone on a stand and just move was going to move it to the other side.

00:35:07.98
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:35:09.47
Bill
However, whatever reason it was on her left hand side, move to the right. But, she you know, like you see in the movies where somebody just slides a chair across the floor.

00:35:17.06
Mike
Uh-huh.

00:35:17.26
Bill
It's just like like, oh, that's what her microphone did.

00:35:18.90
Mike
Out.

00:35:20.41
Bill
And Elise has tried to open up up the episode. Elise is like, okay, lame. I can't. I can't do this. This is. She's like, I'm going to start over. She's like, tomorrow you got to edit that out. Tomorrow's like, I already got a bunch to edit out.

00:35:31.27
Bill
We're like three minutes into the fucking podcast.

00:35:33.38
Mike
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

00:35:34.72
Bill
I'm like, none of this would have been out. I said, you would have the microphone.

00:35:38.09
Mike
Well, clearly, yeah, because ah Elise moved her microphone a couple of times during ours, and I heard it

00:35:38.27
Bill
Yeah.

00:35:43.54
Bill
Oh, yeah. Yeah.

00:35:44.49
Mike
yeah, yeah.

00:35:44.71
Bill
Oh, yeah. Yeah.

00:35:45.37
Mike
I was going to say something, but I was like, yeah, whatever. She'll figure it out.

00:35:48.92
Bill
Well, and then I talk, i well, and I talk with my hands all the time.

00:35:49.94
Mike
Yeah, don't touch the goddamn microphone when you're recording.

00:35:54.94
Bill
So this, I'll hit my microphone like that.

00:35:55.99
Mike
Right.

00:35:57.02
Bill
i hear that every once in a while as we're, as I'm listening to back. But um so you could ah very, again, prepare it. Elise had notes. She's got notes she's reading off of.

00:36:06.17
Mike
Hmm.

00:36:06.91
Bill
Again, very well, very well prepared. Now, very polished.

00:36:08.79
Mike
Sure.

00:36:09.55
Bill
And um I don't know how long it takes, you know, for tomorrow to do the the editing. But um I still am proud of the fact that we do none.

00:36:17.35
Mike
Yep.

00:36:17.40
Bill
um But, yeah, they put they they put together a nice product and they did it well. And I think the I think the podcast will be well or be well, do well.

00:36:21.69
Mike
Cool.

00:36:25.33
Mike
Hmm.

00:36:25.50
Bill
um And it is you can you can tell the first couple episodes again there. It seems like they're just kind of get their feet under them, you know, in there.

00:36:30.50
Mike
Sure.

00:36:31.82
Bill
They seem like like we were. We were a lot more stiff when we first started this.

00:36:33.64
Mike
Yeah. Right.

00:36:35.98
Bill
and And now we just realize it just we just get on here fucking talk, you know.

00:36:39.42
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:36:40.15
Bill
But, oh, speaking of that, I got to read this this YouTube comment.

00:36:42.04
Mike
Yes.

00:36:45.03
Bill
Hang on, where the fuck is it?

00:36:45.52
Mike
all right.

00:36:46.84
Bill
um we got two We got two comments. This one was kind of funny. It reminded me of of it because of what I just talked about. So we never we don't get a lot of activity on YouTube.

00:36:57.29
Mike
Right.

00:36:58.09
Bill
Um, but every once in a while it'll pop up and, um, you you know, somebody will either join or subscribe or whatever. So, um, I get a notification that somebody subscribed and I'm like, yeah, whatever, just another person, not a big deal.

00:37:04.38
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:37:09.09
Bill
We don't have too many on there. And then it's like, oh, you got a new message. So this person in the, the screen name or whatever it is, the profile name is Aqua urban, whatever that means.

00:37:19.61
Mike
Okay.

00:37:21.00
Bill
um I'm new here. Trying to follow along, but too many interruptions with agreeing. Right. Yeah. Uh-huh.

00:37:29.39
Mike
awesome

00:37:30.15
Bill
Just let the others speak. You don't have to agree or affirm after every sentence. And it by the way, I'm laughing my ass off as I'm reading this. Um, you know, when I first read it, this seems to be an issue with many of these podcasts, you guys are not having a one-on-one conversation.

00:37:45.21
Bill
You have other people listening. So please don't interrupt with that. Um, with that in mind, I'll keep, I'll continue to listen in hopes that my autism, now I got to the autism thing, doesn't get in the way.

00:37:55.20
Mike
ah

00:37:56.71
Bill
I appreciate you guys taking the chance on this podcast. It does take courage to get personal online. Um, I just emailed back and I said, interesting comment. Thanks for listening.

00:38:06.72
Mike
Sure.

00:38:07.70
Bill
So I'm like, what I was going to say, what the fuck, man? and um You know, we we are. We are having an individual conversation.

00:38:14.29
Mike
Yeah.

00:38:14.52
Bill
Yes, we we affirm each other. And if you if you listen to anyone, a real conversation, people do affirm back and back and forth.

00:38:16.56
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:38:22.31
Bill
It's not like, wouldn' it it'd be fucking weird if you just sat there in complete silence and i and and I ended my sentence and then you waited, just count to two, and then started talking.

00:38:32.36
Mike
Right?

00:38:34.80
Bill
it would seem stupid.

00:38:38.01
Mike
Yes, it would.

00:38:40.71
Bill
knew you going to do that. I just, I just fucking do it. But then, uh, we got it. We got another message from, uh, from our buddy, Tim, uh, the one that, uh, again, sobriety date, he puts it in here 85. So what is that?

00:38:52.42
Bill
How many years from June of 85? It's a fucking lot.

00:38:54.92
Mike
yeah that would be, what, right?

00:38:55.36
Bill
Um, Yeah, Tim from ah Portland, Maine. This is our this is not our not the new Gary. This is the additional the additional additional person at Long Gary.

00:39:03.17
Mike
Ah. Yeah.

00:39:05.90
Bill
So i still catching up on past episodes and really loving the um that or really loving it. Today I listened to episode 69, which I forgot that Coach Greer was episode 69, which is funny.

00:39:17.88
Bill
Remember David Greer? ah Canadian dude.

00:39:19.37
Mike
Yeah,

00:39:21.47
Bill
And then a real punch in the gut when he talked about his experience being adopted. And I'm like, oh, fuck, I completely forgot about that.

00:39:27.88
Mike
Mm.

00:39:27.96
Bill
So now once again, that's episode 69. Just if.

00:39:30.36
Mike
Yeah, right. So it was like almost 100 episodes ago.

00:39:33.99
Bill
Right. I completely forgot that we even talked about that. But um he said that he was adopted 2009. State of Maine opened adoption records. um He was searching for it and blah, blah, blah. um His wife ended up saying, what are you going to about it? So he ended up ah searching and finding out that.

00:39:51.49
Bill
Found out that his birth mother had died about a year previous and ended up getting a copy of death certificate. So basically he ended up, um his mother was an alcoholic with several detoxes.

00:40:01.84
Mike
Right.

00:40:03.22
Bill
He's like a little genetic predisposition question mark.

00:40:05.94
Mike
Yeah, right.

00:40:06.84
Bill
um But he said, he he goes, I went from being an only child to the oldest of five in a nanosecond. i have a very close relationship with the sister closest of my age, have friendly relations with other siblings. So he found out that he has um all these half brothers and sisters from from this thing.

00:40:20.07
Mike
right

00:40:21.40
Bill
so ah But anyhow, he just said, you know, he goes, sorry if that got too wordy because I cut out a lot of what he said.

00:40:27.16
Mike
yeah right

00:40:28.10
Bill
But he said, listening this morning brought all that shit right right back with a sledgehammer. Thanks for all you guys do. And so that was that. So,

00:40:34.53
Mike
Oh.

00:40:34.74
Bill
Thank you. Thank you, Tim. Again, we don't get a lot of messages, but when we do, they're either heartfelt or, you know, make us scratch our head like the YouTube message. So

00:40:42.29
Mike
Yes. ge

00:40:44.85
Bill
yeah I'm glad you say it still doesn't make any sense to me.

00:40:45.74
Mike
Yeah. I mean, that's that's cool that, you know, right. ah You know, it had nothing to do with us. A guest did something for somebody else. So cool. We got to bring them together through our nonsense.

00:40:57.25
Mike
Very nice.

00:40:57.30
Bill
Yeah, exactly. I know that's that is it's very, very nice to be able to hear something like that. Because, yeah, again, it had literally nothing, nothing to do with us and just had a great outcome out of it. So, yeah, I was just happy to I was happy to read that.

00:41:07.06
Mike
yeah

00:41:09.31
Bill
So. um All right. So last week, obviously, you didn't feel well. Plus, we the episode is cut a little bit short. So what do you think the number of of fucks last week is this is getting to be kind of fun.

00:41:16.82
Mike
Uh-huh.

00:41:19.98
Mike
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

00:41:21.44
Bill
I kind of like reading, reading that stuff.

00:41:24.32
Mike
ah last week um i mean i would um well clearly i didn't talk as much so i would say less um ah

00:41:33.96
Bill
It was.

00:41:34.29
Mike
but but you know but um i' sure when i did talk i said fuck so ah oh let's go ah

00:41:45.59
Mike
fifty five

00:41:47.38
Bill
Wow. It was actually 95. It was 95.

00:41:49.64
Mike
ah All right.

00:41:51.42
Bill
But figuring that we'd been in you know over in the hundreds, that when I read it, I'm like, i'm like oh, wow, really? Okay. But, you know, again, we were 20 to 30 minutes short, at at a minimum of 20 minutes short, probably, you know, some of the episodes we've been running, you know, an hour and a half or longer.

00:41:59.79
Mike
Right. Yeah. About.

00:42:05.84
Bill
um So, you know, timing and then, yeah, obviously not, you're not feeling well. So it it made a difference. But yeah, so it was little bit less, but that's okay. We'll we'll try to make up for the fucking lack of it last time.

00:42:14.20
Mike
All right. Double digits.

00:42:16.61
Bill
yeah And here's another little piece of trivia on that though, because I was curious.

00:42:17.24
Mike
Hmm. Hmm.

00:42:20.46
Bill
So our episode um this past week was a like an hour and 10 minutes or 11 minutes or whatever it was.

00:42:26.84
Mike
Yeah, right.

00:42:28.42
Bill
So when's that? What do you think the last time we had an episode shorter than that? How long ago?

00:42:34.90
Mike
God, it probably like I would imagine within the first 10 or so, right? Uh-huh.

00:42:42.85
Bill
ah December 17th, 2022. That was the first year, of course, of us doing this. Episode 43. That's the first your first trip to Mexico when you recorded there.

00:42:53.82
Mike
Ah. yeah um Yeah, when you said the date, I went, shit, I was probably in Mexico. So there you go.

00:42:58.57
Bill
Yeah. So, and that was, that was an hour, an hour and 10. And the the one last week I think was an hour and 11 minutes, but um it was just curious. Cause I, I, I don't really, I know how long we run roughly, but I've never really paid attention to when the last time we didn't just run like that.

00:43:12.92
Mike
He he he he he.

00:43:14.36
Bill
So I was just, it was curious, curiosity more than anything. And I'm, I'm flipping back. I'm like, God damn, it's been a fucking while. I'm just scrolling back and all a sudden I hit them. Two other episodes, Nicole from Canada and who was the other one?

00:43:26.96
Bill
Mike from Sober Press out in where does he live? Texas. Yeah, he lives in Austin because he was sick.

00:43:32.50
Mike
Okay.

00:43:34.43
Bill
but If you remember when we had him on and then um Nicole, we were up in which she was up in Canada.

00:43:34.83
Mike
Yeah. Right.

00:43:39.27
Bill
Great story, but her ah the audio was terrible. I think we might have we might have kind of wrapped up quicker, but both of those ran about the same hour and 11.

00:43:41.71
Mike
Yeah.

00:43:44.32
Mike
Yeah.

00:43:46.63
Bill
But I don't know, just that we've just gotten in the habit of running like an hour and a half. It just seemed kind of was kind of funny, but Not bad. Not bad at all.

00:43:52.94
Mike
Yeah.

00:43:53.53
Bill
But, you know, it was what it was. But you know what? God damn it. I'm glad you're feeling better. That's all I care about.

00:43:57.12
Mike
Yeah, right.

00:43:57.58
Bill
too Yeah, exactly.

00:43:58.51
Mike
Yeah, me too. she You and me both, man. Fuck. I'm getting little tired. Sick and tired of being sick and tired.

00:44:05.82
Bill
All right. So on that note, what do you what do you think there, my friend?

00:44:09.32
Mike
Well, let's take a little break here, and we'll be back with more of this nonsense right after these words from our sponsors.

00:44:24.81
Bill
All right, everyone. Welcome back. And yeah, I figure I wasn't paying attention to the time and I looked up. I'm like, yeah, look at this. About time.

00:44:33.01
Mike
Yeah, right.

00:44:33.48
Bill
About time. All right. So quick question. I'm sure that you heard that Val Kilmer died.

00:44:38.28
Mike
I did.

00:44:39.16
Bill
Okay. So opinions on him. I mean, just in ah in a general sense.

00:44:41.74
Mike
yeah but I liked him. He's done so some great movies.

00:44:43.83
Bill
Okay. Okay. So and I wasn't even thinking about that part of it. I mean, just in general. um So did you have a like a favorite movie of his or?

00:44:52.57
Mike
um I mean, there's several. um i Kiss Kiss Bang Bang is a fucking great movie.

00:44:55.43
Bill
okay

00:44:58.62
Bill
Oh, I forgot about that one.

00:45:00.27
Mike
Yeah, that's...

00:45:01.07
Bill
Oh.

00:45:02.83
Mike
I own that one.

00:45:04.02
Bill
oh

00:45:04.06
Mike
oh ah Willow was... I probably watched that like 100 fucking times um because, don't know, when was living in Hollywood... ah I don't remember why we watched it so much, but we watched it a lot.

00:45:19.27
Mike
So, you know, and of course, my my favorite line from any Batman movie was the one where he was Batman, you know, when the Riddler, if you kill them, they don't learn nothing.

00:45:28.53
Bill
Right.

00:45:32.95
Bill
Which that made me laugh because they were talking about the, the Batman thing. And I'm like, and they said, yeah, he was in there with Jim Carrey. I'm like, Oh shit. We were just talking about that.

00:45:40.31
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:45:40.44
Bill
That was like two, three episodes ago when, when you brought up that, that Jim Carrey line. And I just thought that that was completely coincidental.

00:45:44.93
Mike
Yep.

00:45:46.90
Bill
I mean, not that Val Kilmer died, but um you know, just hearing a story about that. I haven't, I didn't really think about him being in, you know, in that Batman. I forgot, you know,

00:45:55.70
Mike
Right.

00:45:56.57
Bill
um but what was funny was i turned on you know because it obviously well not obviously but uh i've got like a smart tv and stuff like that a lot lot of times like when gene hackman died or when anyone dies they'll do a lot of in memoriam then they'll flash up a lot of movies you know flash through on the smart tvs raw and stuff do you remember the um oh god why can't i oh it was a really really early movie with him

00:46:06.51
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:46:09.35
Mike
right

00:46:19.76
Bill
um God damn it I'm going to have to look it up now. It literally just popped out of my head. But this this was like his so this spy movie spoof.

00:46:29.67
Mike
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was top secret, wasn't it?

00:46:32.69
Bill
There you go.

00:46:33.51
Mike
Yeah.

00:46:33.66
Bill
I'm like, Jesus Christ, why can't I start? As soon as I saw that pop up, i'm like I'm like, oh my, I saw that. We went to the movie theater when I was in high school and saw that.

00:46:40.81
Mike
see Right.

00:46:42.86
Bill
It was it was so stupid, but it was kind of like Naked Gun-ish.

00:46:44.92
Mike
Oh, yeah. Well, yeah, yeah. It was the same guys. was the airplane guys.

00:46:48.61
Bill
Oh, was it?

00:46:49.10
Mike
Yeah, yeah.

00:46:49.46
Bill
Oh, see, I didn't, I didn't, maybe I, okay, so I forgot that. I forgot that it was like that.

00:46:53.01
Mike
Yup.

00:46:53.74
Bill
Okay. But, um so he was in, did you ever see the movie Heat? ah Obviously De Niro and Pacino were in there.

00:46:59.51
Mike
I never have. I know it's a great movie. I've never seen it.

00:47:03.17
Bill
Yeah, if in this is one, I mean, usually when you say you haven't seen something, i'm like, yeah, whatever. That one's good because the especially in um Al Pacino and Robert De Niro sit down in this one scene in a diner.

00:47:08.31
Mike
Yeah.

00:47:15.62
Bill
And it's stu't that saying that doesn't blow the movie. But the the lead up of why they sit down is interesting.

00:47:21.27
Mike
Uh-huh.

00:47:21.92
Bill
But that scene. Um, it's, it's powerful and it's shot well. And my understanding is that from listening to al Pacino's book, and I think listening to something with Robert De Niro, I believe that was, if it wasn't, it might've been scripted, but they didn't rehearse it.

00:47:38.51
Bill
If I remember correctly, they just, it was like a one take type of thing.

00:47:38.86
Mike
Right. Mm-hmm.

00:47:41.93
Bill
Um, but the movie itself, Val Kilmer's in there, Michael Madsen's in it.

00:47:44.25
Mike
Right.

00:47:44.97
Bill
Um, it's a great movie. You should definitely, definitely see it.

00:47:46.76
Mike
Yeah. Yeah, definitely.

00:47:49.19
Bill
they There was say yeah there's a shootout scene in it. And at the at the time that it came out, I got these... And was in a fucking apartment too. I got this these new set of speakers. And I didn't have a surround sound, but it was it was a four-speaker system.

00:48:01.67
Bill
And I'm just sitting in my apartment. I'm like, it sounded fucking amazing.

00:48:06.04
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:48:06.22
Bill
Because it just it was enough to to separate the sound. So I had the sound behind me, or not true surround sound. But yeah, that's right when that movie came out. I think I rented it three times just so I could watch that scene.

00:48:16.62
Mike
Nice.

00:48:17.86
Bill
It's a good movie. but

00:48:19.26
Mike
Yeah.

00:48:19.45
Bill
Okay, so... Right.

00:48:20.18
Mike
Yeah. Tons of good stuff. I mean, Wonderland is, I mean, it's dark and it's harsh, but it's fucking great.

00:48:25.72
Bill
Right.

00:48:26.28
Mike
Yeah. um Yeah. Yeah. I know. I mean, of course, you know, um Tombstone and I mean, yeah, just tons.

00:48:32.34
Bill
Right.

00:48:33.64
Mike
And the Doors movie is what it is. And yeah, you know, guy was great, man. Great actor.

00:48:39.68
Bill
Right.

00:48:40.17
Mike
Loved a ton of stuff he did.

00:48:42.26
Bill
Well, and they, um yeah and I don't think you haven't seen the most recent Top Gun. Have you Top Gun Maverick?

00:48:47.16
Mike
No.

00:48:47.92
Bill
Okay. um

00:48:50.08
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:48:50.44
Bill
So I enjoyed the movie. I thought it was done. I thought it was done well. I mean, I was, again, it was a little bit of nostalgia type of thing, but um it was done well. John Ham's in it also. I love him. um Val Kilmer's got a spot in that, but they were just talking about that.

00:49:02.23
Mike
Uh-huh.

00:49:04.49
Bill
Cause when did he die? Two days ago. I think it was.

00:49:06.52
Mike
Yeah.

00:49:06.75
Bill
Yeah.

00:49:07.08
Mike
Yeah.

00:49:07.67
Bill
And it usually either the day he died or was must have been a dance probably yesterday. um Apparently that in that scene, which I didn't know about Kilmer, obviously is real life. I, of course, had the voice thing. And, you know, that was in in the movie.

00:49:19.88
Bill
They didn't try to cover up of what it was. I mean, how can they?

00:49:21.97
Mike
Right.

00:49:22.35
Bill
Right. um But I mean, that was his affliction and his character in the movie passes away. But um he speaks in. Top Gun and apparently that they they dubbed it in there.

00:49:33.60
Bill
It wasn't even him.

00:49:34.03
Mike
Yeah.

00:49:34.21
Bill
but He couldn't. it It hurt too much for him to even try to speak, you know, which I'm like, and I heard that with the movie part of it.

00:49:36.39
Mike
Mm hmm. Mm hmm.

00:49:41.24
Bill
But no, it's apparently it was even dubbed in there. it is's just fucking terrible. Whatever the fuck he was going and dealing through.

00:49:44.85
Mike
Oh, yeah.

00:49:46.93
Bill
But yeah, just a mess. But um it brought up another another question.

00:49:49.02
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:49:51.23
Bill
i was just this is kind of a a sideline. i don't think it has. Maybe it has nothing to do with sobriety, but it is what it is. Right.

00:49:56.87
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:49:57.77
Bill
So I saw you know a lot of people posting about Val Kilmer and people are like, this is a tough one. This is a hard one. Kind of same like thing you said. He was great. A lot of different stuff.

00:50:05.77
Mike
Yeah.

00:50:06.25
Bill
So um have you, is there anyone, whether it be, um I don't know, TV, movie star, musician, any celebrity or any anyone of any status like that, that when they passed away, affected you?

00:50:19.08
Bill
do not don't mean like crawling on the ground, crying or anything like that, but they like one that like really hits you hard.

00:50:20.99
Mike
All right. Uh-huh. All

00:50:24.41
Bill
So it seems like this is the hitting a lot of people hard. That's all.

00:50:26.48
Mike
right. Yeah. um I mean, I can't really think of it. You know, I mean, I don't actually know these people. So, yeah, right.

00:50:35.88
Bill
Right. Right.

00:50:37.79
Mike
Yeah. You know, I mean, it's sad and whatever, but oh, it's not going to hit me hard. It's like, damn, that's a shame. All right.

00:50:44.26
Bill
right

00:50:44.47
Mike
Moving on.

00:50:46.11
Bill
Yeah. And, uh, and I, the only one that I think had, um, and again, not that it it didn't, it didn't break me down or something like that, but the one that I, I really felt for is when, uh, cause I, I was trying to think about it too. And then it popped into my head. I'm like, who was that? That I, that it, you know, kind of really bummed me out. It was, um,

00:51:02.68
Bill
Eddie Van Halen, you know, and I think the only reason it again, I wasn't depressed.

00:51:03.64
Mike
Yeah, right. Right.

00:51:07.52
Bill
I was nothing like that. It just, it, it hit me to a point and it was like a month or so after that, I'm like, I was trying to figure out, I'm like, why did that, why is that still on my mind? And I think it was just the influence, the age, you know, when I started listening to Van Halen and the fact that literally they were to the day he died.

00:51:20.04
Mike
Right.

00:51:25.96
Bill
I mean, they were part of my life, you know, 50 years or 45 years or whatever the fuck it was.

00:51:27.53
Mike
Right. Sure.

00:51:30.73
Bill
that's what I could only think it must've been the, just that influence that I had for my entire life. Once again, you know, I wasn't, I wasn't down, trying and depressed or anything like that. I just, I know there's so many people that just get, ah people get fucking wigged out, you know, when, like you said, I don't know these people, you know, but I don't know.

00:51:46.70
Mike
Yeah. Yeah.

00:51:48.89
Bill
I was just trying to think, I just didn't know if there was anyone like that, that you were just like, God damn, that one, that one stung type of thing. But, uh, okay.

00:51:55.37
Mike
Yeah.

00:51:55.57
Bill
Yeah.

00:51:55.99
Mike
Not really.

00:51:58.65
Bill
Not really. Not really.

00:51:59.54
Mike
Yeah.

00:52:00.40
Bill
All right. So I had a little bit of sobriety stuff. And of course, of course, Jesus fucking Christ.

00:52:05.80
Mike
Of course.

00:52:07.91
Bill
Hey, can somebody edit that out?

00:52:09.88
Mike
Hehehehehehe.

00:52:11.52
Bill
It is the fourth month, which obviously, yeah you know, talks about starts talking about the fourth step and the readings and things like that.

00:52:18.20
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:52:18.96
Bill
um So this is just a ah sideline thought. And I don't even know why, why this crossed my head. Cause I, I know how we feel about having to redo, you know, like physically redo all the steps we are.

00:52:29.14
Bill
We practice them all the time, but the fourth step, for instance, if you had to um for whatever reason or chose to, well, I guess had to, cause chose to would be a different story.

00:52:30.91
Mike
Uh-huh.

00:52:40.93
Bill
If you had to do the fourth step again, do you think you would procrastinate the way that you did the first time?

00:52:40.89
Mike
No, procrastinate. Right.

00:52:47.29
Bill
Or would you just jump in?

00:52:50.32
Mike
no i procrastinate

00:52:55.15
Bill
Yeah. You know, I don't know what made me think about it, but I'm like, my first thought is I'm like, I don't, I don't think I learned from, don't even want to call it a mistake. I don't think I learned from, from that.

00:53:05.72
Bill
I don't think I learned a lesson from waiting seven months to get it done, you know?

00:53:08.74
Mike
um right Yeah.

00:53:11.54
Bill
Cause I, all

00:53:11.74
Mike
Well, yeah. I mean, you know, and that was kind of, that was kind of how we were encouraged to do it anyway. we We were, you know, sort of told, you know, no, don't fucking do it right away.

00:53:20.14
Bill
right.

00:53:23.94
Mike
Pull your head out of your ass a little bit, you know, get those first three steps down in a part of your life. Um, Yeah, and then, you know, once the the fog is cleared and you're actually, you know, trying to live in a little bit better way, then work on your, then do that inventory and see what a complete piece of crap you are.

00:53:46.04
Mike
um ah When you could clearly and soberly look at yourself and go, fuck, no, I don't want to be like that anymore. And put it down on paper and tell another person and blech.

00:54:00.46
Mike
um Yeah, keep me from going back. I know that.

00:54:04.12
Bill
Right. And, you know, you've mentioned that before about, um you know, the the fact that we were and it's and it's true. I mean, we were we were that was the the way we were directed and led and and everything like that to take our time and make sure that we have these.

00:54:17.38
Bill
You know, you don't want to, you know, jump on to the next step and not have have the, you know, whatever the previous one was, um you know, handled properly and, you know, part of your life.

00:54:23.45
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:54:25.76
Mike
Right. Have ah a bit of a working knowledge of them.

00:54:28.88
Bill
Yeah, there you go. Working knowledge up because then all you're going to do is fuck yourself. So you actually have made me feel better for procrastinating for seven months.

00:54:32.51
Mike
help and he Yeah.

00:54:37.70
Bill
I'm like, yeah, I was just working on myself, you know, making sure.

00:54:40.78
Mike
Right. And I mean, that was, you know, that was kind of straight from Phyllis.

00:54:43.05
Bill
Which.

00:54:46.44
Bill
Right.

00:54:46.50
Mike
She was like, you know, she didn't want us to. I mean, clearly she said, you know, um and if you don't know, Phyllis was the the executive director, founder of the Keating Center, the place we got sober at.

00:55:01.78
Mike
And, um yeah, had been doing it a real long time and watching us little knuckleheads do what we do. And it was one of us and all of that. And, yeah, I mean, that was kind of her philosophy was, no, you need to you need to have your fucking head clear before you can do a proper four step.

00:55:19.15
Mike
And I completely agree with her.

00:55:19.45
Bill
Right.

00:55:21.69
Mike
You know, um I mean, i I talked about it, you know, the first time I tried to get sober. um I did do a four step and my head was way up my ass and of didn't work.

00:55:34.11
Bill
right

00:55:34.11
Mike
ah that It wasn't fearless and it sure as hell wasn't thorough. Um, so, mar yeah, you know, I mean, in order to do it fearlessly, you've got to, you know, okay get your shit together a little bit, you know, be able to do something without, you complete terrifying fear, which is, I don't know how I fucking lived most of my life.

00:55:40.11
Bill
right

00:55:57.23
Mike
So yeah, you know, to be able to do that inventory properly, i needed to not be terrified with my head squarely up my ass.

00:56:05.95
Bill
Right. Yeah. And, you know, um and I mean, I and we've talked we've talked about this before, but I mean, in in sitting down in that, ah you know, when I when I wrote it all out, um you know, it didn't it didn't seem as again, I put it off and I procrastinated or I was working on whatever you want to do.

00:56:24.22
Bill
It took me a while to get it all done.

00:56:24.71
Mike
ah

00:56:26.09
Bill
um But when I was writing all this stuff out, you know, it's um don't get me wrong. I mean, it's a it's a it's a process and it's a it's a challenge of sorts. And, um you know, you're stretching out your your your mind and it really your your honesty and really your you know how how honest, you know, am I going to get I better i need to be completely honest, you know.

00:56:44.65
Mike
Well.

00:56:45.46
Bill
So making sure you're doing all that stuff. But um it didn't seem as daunting putting it down. But then when you get into the, you know, into that fifth step and in that room with that priest and you start reading it out loud, you're like, motherfucker, you know.

00:56:56.26
Mike
Yep. Yeah, I'm sure he didn't. since instance

00:57:00.97
Bill
And it was like literally that like every word that I read, I was just like, oh my God.

00:57:05.73
Mike
ah

00:57:05.79
Bill
And I didn't say it, you know, but in my head, I'm just like, Jesus Christ. But this, once again, this priest that that both Mike and I went to that um I think both of our sponsors referred us to him, but

00:57:12.77
Mike
is

00:57:16.63
Mike
ye

00:57:17.42
Bill
um He sat there like he didn't give a fuck, you know, and seemed like he yeah didn't give a fuck, wasn't listening, whatever the case is.

00:57:20.09
Mike
yeah um i'm sure he didn't

00:57:26.33
Bill
But whatever he said to me, and ah I probably forgot it within 10 minutes of the time I walked out of there.

00:57:32.83
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:57:33.22
Bill
um he made me feel better. he you know, gave me some direction and, you know, told me what to do.

00:57:35.42
Mike
Yeah.

00:57:37.84
Bill
And basically, you know, kind of um I guess, co-signed all my shit and said, it's okay. You got your shit out type of thing. You know, now it's time to be better and do better.

00:57:44.39
Mike
Yep. Yep.

00:57:46.67
Bill
um it gave me some suggestions, which what whatever he said, I don't know, but it fucking helped, you know, because it's really, it's to this day, I don't, both of us talk about it.

00:57:50.69
Mike
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

00:57:56.62
Bill
You know, we try, we don't want to be wrong because we don't want to admit it. to

00:57:59.53
Mike
Yeah.

00:58:00.63
Bill
You know, trying to do do the next right thing so we don't have to say we're sorry.

00:58:00.87
Mike
Exactly.

00:58:04.52
Bill
I don't like that.

00:58:04.65
Mike
Yeah. Mm-hmm.

00:58:07.80
Bill
So, um yeah, and I'll tell you if if anyone's listening out there and and you haven't done one and you're, you know, if you are procrastinating, just get out there fucking get it done. You know, you will feel better.

00:58:17.16
Mike
Yep.

00:58:18.46
Bill
You'll feel a part of. But, you know, don't don't rush it, too. There's nothing wrong to to Mike's point. What Phil has told us. um you know, yeah yeah it has to be done right. It's not like it should be done right or maybe you should do It it has to be done right.

00:58:30.70
Mike
help

00:58:31.65
Bill
It has to be.

00:58:33.05
Mike
Yeah.

00:58:33.32
Bill
Or you'd be fucked, right?

00:58:34.28
Mike
Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Well, you can't move on. And it's kind of the point.

00:58:37.70
Bill
Right?

00:58:39.25
Mike
You got to get to this six and seven so you can get your shit together. Yeah. yeah And then eight, nine and 10, 11, 12. there.

00:58:47.70
Bill
Hi there. All right. So this was, uh, it's just kind of crossed my, crossed my vision as, uh, you and I were sitting here talking, and this is from a little ways back, but this actually is from the 24 hour book.

00:58:59.38
Bill
It says we waste our energies trying to get things before we are ready to have them.

00:59:04.91
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:59:05.45
Bill
Before we have earned, which I know how we feel about the word earned, but before we have earned the right to receive them.

00:59:09.25
Mike
All

00:59:12.13
Bill
Okay.

00:59:12.31
Mike
right.

00:59:13.03
Bill
So what does that, i'm thinking you agree with it, but I mean, what does that mean to you?

00:59:17.16
Mike
Yeah.

00:59:20.63
Mike
Uh, well.

00:59:20.67
Bill
Or what are your opinions on there? Okay.

00:59:22.26
Mike
yeah

00:59:23.00
Bill
yeah

00:59:24.11
Mike
Well, I probably wrote this down from the 24-hour book on my little happy scrap of green paper that I've had forever. Yeah, I must not expect what I'm not prepared for.

00:59:37.41
Bill
yeah right Yeah, and you brought that up before, and that's so that's when we were talking about our favorites our favorite sayings, think. And that's, yeah, that's a good one.

00:59:47.34
Mike
Yeah.

00:59:47.51
Bill
um But yeah, it's a i could i can easily I think I can remember that. you know we get all this Again, you start to feel a little bit better. you know Again, when you would first get sober, it's usually within that...

00:59:58.92
Bill
Yeah, easily that first 30 days, you know, first couple of months and maybe when you get that, you know, that first job and you start making a little bit of that, you know, that real money, um you know, right off the bat and figuring that, man, I got all these things I want to do. I need to get all this shit done now and blah, blah, blah And I think if I'm correct, that could be disastrous if we we yeah push that stuff. Right.

01:00:20.34
Mike
Uh-huh. Uh, yeah. Only seen it like several thousand times. Right, yeah, because, you again, you think you have some sort of control, some sort of power, and if you have a little control and power over this, well, hell, I probably have a little control and power over that.

01:00:28.50
Bill
right

01:00:42.80
Bill
yeah Yeah, I can.

01:00:43.88
Mike
ah huh Because, yeah, delusional.

01:00:47.20
Bill
Right. Yeah, even even sober. I mean, God, to to this fucking day, I could be delusional. That's why I don't that's why don't make any goddamn decisions without, you know, talking to either you and Kathy or both of you guys, you know, because I don't fucking know.

01:00:56.97
Mike
Right. Right.

01:01:00.35
Mike
Right.

01:01:02.83
Bill
Oh, this is kind of funny. Again, I'm just scanning things. This came from touchstones. Some of us thought we could learn all we needed to know about recovery in a few weeks.

01:01:11.65
Mike
oh

01:01:12.93
Bill
i so I don't even think nothing else even needs to be said about that. I'm just going cross that one off because that's fucking ridiculous. I think I wrote it down because I laughed so hard when I but i wrote it down.

01:01:20.82
Mike
right

01:01:22.34
Bill
But all right. So um I mentioned it with touchstones. And I don't know You said you had the book, but you've never read

01:01:29.07
Mike
I do have, yeah, i I think I read a few and whatever, moved on. But, yes, I need to again, that that's, I have the book. And once I finish, whatever, Keep It Simple, right?

01:01:41.63
Mike
And it's the third one I'm doing.

01:01:42.01
Bill
Right. Yeah, that's your third. Yeah.

01:01:43.71
Mike
Yeah. And it's, ah I'm on my second year of it. So when I finish at the end of the year, I'm probably going to pick up Touchstones if I make it to, you know, the first of next year.

01:01:51.13
Bill
Okay.

01:01:54.84
Bill
Right. yeah Yeah. God willing, man. Yeah.

01:01:57.23
Mike
right.

01:01:57.36
Bill
you But, um, and but I think I mentioned it before. So, um, the reason I asked that is that it is, I think it's right in the description. It's, it's meant to be directed towards men, which quite honestly, when I, when I read it, um, none of the readings are really directed towards men, except for the fact that they say men or male in there.

01:02:09.78
Mike
Right.

01:02:19.86
Mike
Right.

01:02:20.78
Bill
You know, if you, If you took out that word, it's kind of like us taking out the word God and God grant me. um they're They're universal. It's nothing that says, well, touch your penis when you're reading this, because that's the only way it's going to make sense type of thing.

01:02:33.89
Bill
You know, it has nothing to do with it, but um except for a couple.

01:02:34.01
Mike
right

01:02:37.82
Bill
And this is this is when I wrote this down because this was specific to, I guess, men sort of thing, or they're identifying it towards men. So it says men have been more likely to look outward than inward for solutions to problems.

01:02:53.01
Bill
Do you agree or disagree? And this was, again, one of the few things that I saw that, you know, again, it literally said, yes, you you fucking men, this is what you do.

01:03:01.42
Mike
and finish

01:03:01.89
Bill
So what do you think about that? Right.

01:03:03.06
Mike
um I agree wholeheartedly. Yeah. You know, you know, but it's, yeah it's a character defect of us.

01:03:10.83
Bill
right

01:03:11.44
Mike
Yeah, absolutely. You know, we're we're looking outside for, you know, whatever, ah her and the car and, you know, whatever the status and blah, blah, blah, blah.

01:03:22.23
Mike
And, you know, to quote our our friend Bob, it's an inside job. We have to look inside and and yeah, which is tough for us.

01:03:31.31
Bill
Right.

01:03:32.07
Mike
But again, back to that fourth step, that's what it's all about. Looking inside and seeing what's good and what's bad and, you know, deciding to get rid of the bad crap and hang on to the good and build on them.

01:03:46.65
Bill
right Do you think you, I mean, do you, do you still do that? Do you think, um, look, look outward more than, more than inward or has that been, do you think it's gotten better for you?

01:03:51.25
Mike
Hmm.

01:03:56.03
Mike
It's gotten much better. Yeah. And easier and right.

01:03:59.12
Bill
Right.

01:04:00.05
Mike
Yeah. yeah I mean, I, now I, no, I, um No, I don't look outside for much of anything anymore. of It's, yeah, it's, you know, it's it's the whole, the freedom comes from taking responsibility for everything. And yeah, everything is my fault.

01:04:17.11
Mike
and And the freedom that comes with that.

01:04:17.43
Bill
right

01:04:20.84
Mike
And yeah, so I don't really look outside for much of anything. Certainly don't give a fuck when anybody thinks about me. of You know, I care what I think about myself and, you know, is what I'm doing, you know, again, making me feel good because it's the right thing to do.

01:04:31.26
Bill
Right.

01:04:37.75
Mike
ah Same, same attitude I've always had. I want to feel good. all You know, i'm just doing it in the right way now. Yes.

01:04:46.42
Bill
Right. Yeah, certainly in a more, in ah in the right way, in a more healthy way than but it used to be.

01:04:49.39
Mike
Yes.

01:04:51.23
Bill
And, you know, and I i thought about it. reason I asked, and I i think, not don't even think, I know for a fact now that um I probably look more, ah more internally than externally these days.

01:05:03.96
Mike
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

01:05:04.50
Bill
um Because I, like we were talking about these, again, these fucking mood swings that I have. And and it is, I, i I decided that that's just what I'm going to name it because I have no other way to put it.

01:05:13.86
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:05:14.07
Bill
And it is, I have these ups and downs and it's not, I'm not trying to, don't know, give myself a condition. i don't mean it that way.

01:05:20.91
Mike
Uh-huh. Right.

01:05:22.33
Bill
um But I'm just saying that that's the only way I can explain it. It's I do. I one minute I'm fucking on top of the world. And I'm like, why do I feel like shit now? What the fuck just happened?

01:05:30.11
Mike
Right.

01:05:30.79
Bill
Nothing happened. Yeah.

01:05:31.87
Mike
right

01:05:32.98
Bill
Um, but if, if something's going weird, I really, i look to, to blame myself. Not even necessarily blame, but I look to figure out what, what did I do or what could I have done differently?

01:05:39.93
Mike
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

01:05:44.24
Mike
Yeah.

01:05:44.76
Bill
You know?

01:05:44.72
Mike
What am I doing?

01:05:46.08
Bill
Right. Um, but,

01:05:46.69
Mike
Yeah. To make me feel this way. Not what someone else is doing to make me feel this way.

01:05:51.73
Bill
Right. But, but the, on the other side of things, and maybe this is part of a mood swing thing is that if something happens to me, the first thing I want to do is like, what the fuck they, um, nope, it was me.

01:06:01.83
Mike
Sure.

01:06:02.35
Bill
It could be this, but it's a, it's a quick thought. It's a quick flash.

01:06:05.41
Mike
Sure.

01:06:05.79
Bill
It's kind of like, you know, when, When we have the thoughts about alcohol, they just buzz in our brain and buzz out type of thing.

01:06:11.22
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:06:11.56
Bill
It's the same type of like, you know, this, well, why did this go wrong? Well, this mother, um no, no, this motherfucker didn't do anything.

01:06:17.72
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:06:18.05
Bill
You did.

01:06:19.10
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:06:19.46
Bill
You fucking did or you fucking didn't. Whatever, whatever the thing is you did it, you know? And, and yeah, it is hard. I don't, I don't like it all the time.

01:06:27.92
Mike
Oh, no.

01:06:28.91
Bill
Yeah. Okay, I don't like it any of that time. I don't i hate the and i hate being wrong.

01:06:31.22
Mike
Right.

01:06:33.16
Bill
Not hate. I'm not yeah but happy with being wrong. How's that?

01:06:36.02
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:06:37.98
Bill
But, um yeah, I mean, all in all, though, I do i do like Touchstones. It's a good book. But what I've started doing, though, is um A lot of times when it comes around, you know, the word men or something like that, I'll just I kind of like I do with God.

01:06:50.79
Bill
I'm not offended by the word or anything like that, but I just I try to look at it as this could be um literally could be for anyone.

01:06:52.31
Mike
Right. Yeah.

01:06:57.55
Bill
There's very few things that are just like men do this type of thing, you know.

01:07:01.28
Mike
Right.

01:07:01.68
Bill
um But yeah, it's it's a good book. I like it. A lot of the readings line up, you know, just like the other ones. And I think you probably see that with the 24-hour book, God Grant Me. God Grant Me and Keep It Simple, I would say, more so than the 24-hour book.

01:07:14.43
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:07:14.59
Bill
But the two of those, God Grant Me and Keep It Simple, sometimes seem to mirror each other, you know, depending on the time of year. And i don't mean like holiday time. That's easy. But every once in a while, you'll get the same theme between the books, which is interesting.

01:07:23.42
Mike
Sure.

01:07:26.85
Bill
which is kind of fun. You know, I mean, it's it's weird because it's not any special time of the year. But I don't know. Do you notice that?

01:07:33.27
Mike
Oh, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, there's, you know, ebbs and throws, flows and whatever.

01:07:37.51
Bill
yeah

01:07:37.64
Mike
Yeah. Um, yeah it's yeah okay. You know, again, it they all comes down to we're not unique and we're not, you know, they're all written by drunks. And, um, I would imagine, you know, ah well, clearly not 24 hour books that came first, but, um, yeah, I'm sure they've looked at other literature and went, oh yeah, it's whatever.

01:07:59.98
Mike
Apparently it's time of year to focus on this, whatever this is.

01:08:04.29
Bill
yeah yeah Yeah, that's that's actually a good point. And, uh, and yeah, you can tell, I mean, it's holidays, it's new year stuff, it's whatever that, that sort of thing.

01:08:11.17
Mike
Right.

01:08:12.46
Bill
And, um, yeah, we get all that stuff, but, uh, yeah, just, it's just interesting that it is nice though. I mean, because you get, it's just this, um, almost like sometimes just an endless reading between whether it's, you know, with you for three books or me for four books, everything tends to just kind of, kind of flow together, which is, which is really nice.

01:08:25.18
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:08:29.56
Bill
So, but, um,

01:08:29.93
Mike
Yeah.

01:08:31.66
Bill
But yeah, so I think you'll i think you'll enjoy touch zones whenever you get to it. Cool.

01:08:35.42
Mike
Yeah, absolutely. And speaking of the gender thing. All right. So check this out. I'd actually have a little something.

01:08:39.54
Bill
Okay.

01:08:41.66
Mike
um So her yeah still not a hundred percent there. um So um there's this Facebook page I follow called ah friends of Bill W and Dr. Bob.

01:08:54.42
Bill
okay

01:08:54.45
Mike
Right. And, um, The past, actually, they just did this in the last day or so. um They found this ah pamphlet from 1940, and they've been ah sharing expert sir excerpts of it.

01:09:10.89
Mike
Right. um It's called a Manual for Alcoholics Anonymous, the Akron Manual.

01:09:16.63
Bill
Hmm. Right.

01:09:16.74
Mike
um It's from 1940, right? And it's got a bunch of cool, I've been reading it, and it's so it's pretty fucking hardcore, for one thing. But, um okay, so we were talking about, you know, this book is for men, right?

01:09:30.89
Bill
right

01:09:31.39
Mike
So this is ah part of this, the manual, right? So, ah To the Ladies from 1940. If we seem to slight you in this booklet, it is not intentional.

01:09:44.67
Mike
We merely use the masculine pronouns he and him for convenience. We fully realize that alcohol shows no partiality. It does not respect age, sex, nor a estate.

01:09:59.14
Mike
The millionaire drunk on the best scotch and the poor man drunk on the cheapest rot gut look like twin brothers when they are in a hospital bed or the gutter. The only difference between a female and a male drunk is that the former is like is former is likely to be treated with a little more consideration and courtesy, although generally she does not deserve it.

01:10:23.04
Mike
Every word of this pamphlet applies to women as well as men. Uh-huh.

01:10:31.39
Bill
Yeah, well, I mean, but but it is. And, you know, the thing of it is, if you if you notice, um well, and I mean, I think people of ah people of our age, I think we do notice that, you know, for for years, um everyone that the masculine...

01:10:47.98
Bill
pronouns, if you want to put them that way, which would you do.

01:10:48.97
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:10:49.82
Bill
I mean, pronouns, they were just it was ah it was a ah style of writing that was always used.

01:10:50.84
Mike
Right.

01:10:54.61
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:10:54.89
Bill
And I don't know, i don't have an issue you know when people switch it around to to her or them or they. I don't i don't give a fuck.

01:11:01.39
Mike
Right. yeah right

01:11:02.25
Bill
It doesn't matter to me. I don't care.

01:11:03.85
Mike
To quote Daffy Duck, pronoun trouble.

01:11:07.09
Bill
yeah Right. But, you know, again, what however people want to do it. But um I the only thing I focus on is the word God. But I suppose it may be the same thing. I don't know. But um I don't think it was done years ago, um you know, specifically.

01:11:22.35
Bill
But then then again, maybe it was because you take a look back at ah we were talking about the TV show that we were we were talking about on Sober Curator, that running point.

01:11:30.25
Mike
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

01:11:31.25
Bill
um their their dad who had ran the team and died, um he had this clause in, um because the Kate Hudson was a daughter, her boyfriend, and you you might know the actor, he was in another sitcom, but he's Jewish.

01:11:45.68
Bill
So um he is trying to get her, they' they're engaged, he was not trying to get her to, but she admitted or um agreed to convert to Judaism.

01:11:54.03
Mike
ahha

01:11:54.59
Bill
So all a sudden done, then the the brothers have this big meeting with her and they bring out, it's like this, this big fucking book, you know, this whole thing. And they're like, ah just so you know, um dad put this in here specifically.

01:12:08.21
Bill
And it came down to if any one of the heirs of my blah, blah, blah, and this all reads out all these different things and converting to Judaism was specific in his thing that if the person, if one he one of his children converted to Judaism, they would be cast out of the will.

01:12:13.26
Mike
Yeah. two c c species

01:12:22.82
Bill
And I started, I read, I brought up that part. I'm like, that's a special kind of racism. I'm like, you know, to be that specific.

01:12:27.57
Mike
yeah

01:12:30.27
Bill
And then Elise brought up a good point. She's like, she goes, do you think the father put that in there? or How long were they dating? Was the dad still alive? I'm like, I don't even know. But I'm like, to have that in there, because the brother that's gay, he's like, I'm surprised there wasn't a clause in there about, you know, being gay or gay marriage or anything like that.

01:12:44.07
Mike
yeah

01:12:47.04
Bill
But it was it was this paragraph that fucking narrowed down in the reason I brought that up just now is that it just reminded me of, you know, i as was talking about it on the podcast, I'm like, you know, the people of our age, and we've seen a lot of different things, you know, from the generations prior to us and knowing what those generations prior are.

01:13:04.56
Bill
The difference in how people are views in that sort of thing, granted, society is still, I mean, there's still racism. I don't get, I get it. I see it.

01:13:13.19
Mike
right

01:13:14.05
Bill
Everyone does. um But I mean, way the the shit, the only reason I laugh at it is because it's fucking ridiculous to have that something that specific. It, um, it's lessened over the years, but I think that that the same thing with, with men and women and equality and, um, you know, different races and minorities and all sorts of things, watch a TV show like mad men. I'm just like, oh my God, you know, that's back in the sixties, you know?

01:13:36.60
Bill
Um, but anyhow, so I, I don't, it is funny. I mean, it, yeah, it just, it meant what it meant, but, um, but yeah, now, I mean, you know, words are changed and, you know, pronouns are used and I'm like, oh, okay. Anyone, whatever makes people people happy and allows them to to be part of our little world, right?

01:13:52.10
Mike
right

01:13:52.72
Bill
don't mean our little world. That sounded and sounded egotistical. I mean, the the recovery world.

01:13:58.48
Mike
right that's correct have some food learn about cuba

01:13:58.74
Bill
The recovery world. That's what I meant. yeah It's our time, Mr. Hand. Our world, Mr. Hand.

01:14:06.92
Bill
yeah All right. I got one more quick thing that I got. I got a couple of little, ah I think I have two articles that I came across. One for sure. they're They're fun ones. All right. So this this came across my mind.

01:14:18.58
Bill
I don't know how long ago. But so we we talk all the time about ah trusting the process. Obviously, that was something that, you know, was drilled into us. Marty used to say all the time and still does.

01:14:26.76
Mike
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

01:14:29.10
Bill
so When somebody says to, I mean, we understand what we mean, but, um you know, with trusting the process is just basically trusting, you know, that that everything's going to be all right and the whole part of it and blah, blah, blah.

01:14:39.99
Mike
the

01:14:40.58
Bill
So my question, though, for you is that at what point um do you think, you know, at what point of sobriety, how long had you been sober, do you think, when you really began to actively, even want to say all the time, but majority of the time, trust the process?

01:14:59.71
Mike
yeah

01:15:00.17
Bill
What time is it? What day is it?

01:15:01.70
Mike
right. yeah No, no. I mean, I, I've been trusting in the process for so long now that, um, I'm not really sure when I, uh, you know, I, not, ah not a point. I mean, yeah, to your point.

01:15:15.81
Mike
Um, yes, I'm still, I suppose, you know, more and more. Um, it's, my trust is becoming deeper if that makes sense. But, um,

01:15:27.03
Mike
yeah I mean,

01:15:30.39
Mike
i i trust the damn process. i I do.

01:15:35.73
Bill
Right now, know you do.

01:15:38.98
Mike
I mean, ah yes, it's clearly proven it to myself. um You know, that ah peace and the serenity that I feel wonderful.

01:15:50.10
Mike
is a direct result of working the process. So clearly the process works. So I better fucking trust that it works because it's works. Um, well, I know when I'm completely, and don't know.

01:16:00.26
Bill
Right.

01:16:05.53
Mike
Hopefully it continues to get deeper. So I don't know what the word completely means. You know, I mean, yes, I completely trust it and hopefully tomorrow I will trust it even more.

01:16:16.63
Bill
Right.

01:16:17.18
Mike
Yeah.

01:16:18.29
Bill
Yeah. And you know what? i Like I said, I have no idea. um and I say that all the time and and because it's it's so fucking true. I have no idea why these things cross my mind. But the the only thing that came across, because I didn't think about it when i when I made the note, but what came across my mind now, if I had to put like a pinpoint on it and a turning point for me was at that nine months, you know, when it

01:16:38.80
Mike
Right.

01:16:39.73
Bill
The thing you said to me about, could it be that simple type of thing? All these fucking people relapsing and me coming to grips with, you know, obviously being drunk at my dad's funeral. um Those, I think those two things and knowing at that point that I changed my focus and um not, it's not like it happened.

01:16:53.54
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:16:55.95
Bill
I'm like, okay, there we go. All my, all my questions have been answered. Now I'm ready to go. Yeah. But I but I think that that's when um that has to be when it was a light bulb moment ah you know, some switch was popped, you know, or my head popped out of my ass partially, at least if nothing else, because I mean, literally it it made sense to me that, you know, just things being so simple so that in and of itself is trusting the process.

01:17:11.68
Mike
was a pop.

01:17:22.09
Bill
Right.

01:17:22.58
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:17:23.60
Bill
You know, so, i mean, that would be, and I never thought I could put a moment on it, but that that would be goddamn good point place to put a boat or moment on to it, you know?

01:17:33.10
Mike
well

01:17:35.56
Bill
But, all right, so, but yeah, I mean, that it at this point, yeah, it's ah it was it's kind of funny to even think about it. Like, that's why i was laughing when you're like, well, I trust the process.

01:17:44.74
Mike
yeah

01:17:45.09
Bill
No, I don't. I wasn't questioning you at all. It's okay. I wasn't questioning your

01:17:50.35
Mike
ah um mean don't make me think about it like that because I will fucking say god damn it I trust something which is not again not my normal natural state so there you go

01:18:01.65
Bill
right All right. So, um, so if I, if I remember correctly and I could be wrong about this, but you used to be a, were you a singer ever in in your band or did you just, did you just play?

01:18:12.24
Mike
The high school stuff, yeah.

01:18:13.99
Bill
Okay. So, you know, about trying to keep your voice in order and and that sort of thing and, or at least the idea of it, right?

01:18:19.12
Mike
Yeah. Sure, I'm familiar with the concept. Let me light another Marlboro.

01:18:25.22
Bill
yeah All right. So while you were singing, though, did you ever do anything to, i don't know, did you ever subscribe to any mindset like that, that I have to do certain things to keep my voice in shape?

01:18:36.38
Mike
Um, well, okay. Once

01:18:39.38
Bill
ha

01:18:41.40
Mike
now, um, the senior year of high school, I, started the musical. Uh, we did a production of kiss me, Kate, and I was the lead in it. And, um, yeah, I, you know, it was, uh, I had to seriously, I was going to be, you know, up in front of hundreds of people, you know, whatever singing in spotlight on me, blah, blah, blah, blah. blah My voice had to be in good shape. So,

01:19:03.49
Mike
I mean, yeah, I was. I actually, um you know, like didn't drink very much. And I was like, I would have like, you know, like two cigarettes a day.

01:19:14.75
Mike
um

01:19:14.92
Bill
Really?

01:19:15.52
Mike
Yeah. And I mean, really, you know, and and like took care of it and did shit and worked it and blah, blah, blah. You know, because there was a couple of notes that were like just at the very top of my range all that I had to hit, you know.

01:19:31.83
Bill
Right.

01:19:32.25
Mike
So, um yeah, I mean, so, yeah, I worked really fucking hard to do that voice wise. Yeah. So once.

01:19:41.89
Bill
But still it was a,

01:19:42.08
Mike
No, the rock and roll stuff. No, man, I just fucking screamed and, you know, the the thrashier my voice got, the better it was, you know.

01:19:49.20
Bill
right.

01:19:49.73
Mike
Yeah.

01:19:50.82
Bill
Yeah. And, uh, it just, I came across this article and then, um, I started thinking it. I'm like, God, this might actually be, it's a, it, it's an interesting article, but, uh, I think you might get a laugh out of it too. But, um, I thought, you know, you probably might've done something along these lines, but, uh, okay. So we're going to, we're going jump into this now.

01:20:08.22
Bill
I know that neither one of us, um, if If a Jessica Simpson song was playing right now, um neither one of us would know.

01:20:14.81
Mike
Math.

01:20:17.19
Mike
math

01:20:17.25
Bill
you know Same thing as we didn't know who would know a Machine Kelly song, a Taylor Swift song, anything like that. Any of these newfangled rock and roll pop stars, whatever you want to call them.

01:20:28.35
Mike
Right, yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's something from this century. I have no idea.

01:20:33.60
Bill
Right. Okay. So this article says when it comes to maintaining her vocals, Jessica Simpson is willing to do whatever it takes. All right.

01:20:44.81
Bill
Okay. You know, you're, you're laughing, but you're, you've,

01:20:46.93
Mike
I got a little mixture for you.

01:20:48.85
Bill
Yeah, well, okay. Let me read on, okay? on

01:20:52.44
Mike
and i have heard some of this, but go ahead.

01:20:54.09
Bill
yeah On Friday, the whatever, the With You singer must be the name of her, whatever songs, revealed the secret behind the powerful voice that has earned her um may a success mega success throughout the years.

01:20:59.26
Mike
yeah All

01:21:06.31
Bill
ah They're like, what are you drinking? It's like this Chinese herb thing. This is obviously her being quoted like... um I'm like, I don't know. My vocal coach told me to drink it.

01:21:17.18
Bill
They Googled whoever she was speaking with, Googled the ingredients, and it is snake sperm.

01:21:23.49
Mike
Yeah, yeah, I did hear this.

01:21:25.78
Bill
i was I was hoping that you didn't, but I'm like, if anyone on the planet would have heard this and paid attention to it, it was you because I did too.

01:21:28.68
Mike
ah huge

01:21:34.35
Mike
Right.

01:21:34.49
Bill
And I'm like, are you fucking kidding me?

01:21:37.52
Mike
so

01:21:39.29
Bill
And I'm like, the first thought, I'm just, the again, morning show, listening to the morning radio show.

01:21:42.56
Mike
Yeah, right. Yeah.

01:21:44.36
Bill
And, you know, it's just one of those.

01:21:45.27
Mike
Most of them have the same prep services. Yeah, I heard it on Cox earlier in Cleveland. Right.

01:21:49.85
Bill
Yeah, it's again. Yeah, it's whatever they're, yeah, these little teaser stories and stuff like that.

01:21:53.06
Mike
He has a segment called sperm news, but yes, yes.

01:21:55.99
Bill
Okay.

01:21:57.13
Mike
That was what it was. Uh-huh.

01:21:59.05
Bill
Yeah.

01:21:59.29
Mike
Yeah. Gargle vigorously.

01:22:02.67
Bill
And I'm like, so first thing I'm just like, first of all, it sounded, it sounded as if, I mean, based on this, that she didn't know your vocal coach just said whatever. And she never has come across as being the most intelligent woman on the planet.

01:22:15.94
Mike
Maybe.

01:22:16.29
Bill
No offense to her. Just maybe it's, maybe she's super smart. I don't know.

01:22:19.62
Mike
sure

01:22:20.19
Bill
Yeah.

01:22:20.77
Mike
maybe

01:22:21.13
Bill
I got to, got to give it to her. That's maybe, um, so maybe she didn't know. and Maybe she, again, just doing whatever her, you know, her coach told her to do. But I'm like, on top of that, I'm like, I have a new pickup line.

01:22:34.76
Bill
Look, this could help your voice.

01:22:36.92
Mike
Right. Throat coat.

01:22:39.27
Bill
Exactly. That was the thing. It's like i the the pig side of me came to do. I'm like, wait, how can I use this to my advantage?

01:22:46.45
Mike
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

01:22:49.62
Bill
But I'm just like, oh, God, it's fucking snake sperm on top of anything. I mean, i I suppose. I mean, it's I don't know why. i to for like I don't know why. Why? Why snake sperm versus any other?

01:23:00.68
Mike
Why not?

01:23:00.80
Bill
Yeah. Well, i okay, that I guess that goes back to our our typical thing. You know, why is this happening to me? Why not?

01:23:06.85
Mike
Why not?

01:23:07.07
Bill
So, you know, why why snakes burn? Why not?

01:23:10.25
Mike
Right.

01:23:10.47
Bill
So, okay.

01:23:11.42
Mike
Well, so like, you know, ah he who's manipulating the snakes? That's what I want to know.

01:23:17.50
Bill
Yeah, that's ah that's a good point, too.

01:23:19.70
Mike
is

01:23:20.32
Bill
Here, come here. Yeah, little snakey snake.

01:23:23.21
Mike
You're little snaky, snaky.

01:23:26.25
Bill
Or do you just squeeze and it takes them, you know just, i don't know, right?

01:23:29.08
Mike
Well, yeah, it works for me. Well.

01:23:30.97
Bill
yeah and that's why I was saying, and play with a little bit and squeeze it. You're going to get, get yourself a nice elixir.

01:23:36.40
Mike
out

01:23:37.34
Bill
So, all right.

01:23:38.13
Mike
yeah

01:23:39.23
Bill
So, um, I don't know. What do you think? I get other shit I can go to on here, but it's a, again, it's a fucking Thursday night. And, uh, yeah, I think maybe we should rest our vocal cords before we need some snake sperm.

01:23:49.24
Bill
So on that note,

01:23:49.85
Mike
well

01:23:53.90
Bill
no snake sperm for me today, today, yet.

01:23:56.54
Mike
ah Well, unfortunately, my so my snake is female, so I don't have to i don't have ready access to it.

01:24:04.14
Bill
I was going to say, the next time I'm there, if you're sucking on your snake, I know what's up. Mike, why are you, don't your head in the snake container? Nevermind.

01:24:12.05
Mike
I got a sore throat. Don't worry about it.

01:24:13.77
Bill
yeah Mind your business.

01:24:14.29
Mike
That's right.

01:24:15.97
Bill
Not hurting any, not hurting anyone, but my snake.

01:24:18.87
Mike
That's right. Well, not even hurting the snake.

01:24:23.18
Bill
Right.

01:24:23.55
Mike
Seems to be smiling.

01:24:26.14
Bill
All right. I think it's your turn.

01:24:27.79
Mike
All right. Well, ah thank you for listening to new another episode of Sober Not Mature. As always, be kind to each other, be good to each other, go out there, do something nice for somebody else this week, and don't tell anybody you did it.

01:24:43.85
Mike
Now, from the bottom of my heart to the depths of my soul, from the beginning of time to the ends of the earth, always and eternally, fuck you.

01:24:55.25
Mike
Now it's time, kids. It is that time. It's time for you to fuck off. Then keep fucking off. Keep fucking off till you get to a gate with a sign on it saying, you cannot fuck off past here.

01:25:10.58
Mike
Climb over that gate. Dream the impossible dream. Keep fucking off forever.

01:25:20.50
Bill
It's like late night with sewer.

01:25:22.96
Mike
That's right.

01:25:25.13
Bill
It just reminded me of the, uh, the morning show listened to. They do a, uh, radio thought every year for, uh, to benefit the back fund, which is a leukemia society, blah, blah, Milwaukee.

01:25:34.37
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:25:35.30
Bill
Um, and they're, they're in it today. It's a Thursday and Friday. Uh, they do it. They used to go, um, 28 hours in a row. So they would start on Thursday and then obviously at the, what, at the end of their show on Friday,

01:25:45.46
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:25:45.88
Bill
But now they split it up because they get better um donation hours by not doing it overnight, not wasting, quote unquote, that time overnight.

01:25:50.75
Mike
Sure.

01:25:52.35
Bill
um But they used to again, they used to run all night, you know, and like it would get to be about 11 o'clock or whatever. So it's like whatever they get. There's certain windows right with radio where you can get a little bit weird.

01:26:02.48
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:26:02.60
Bill
um And I think it's after it might be after 11, but.

01:26:03.31
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:26:05.51
Mike
Right.

01:26:06.02
Bill
I'd sit there and I'd sit there and listen to them. And then they used to get, they would have people call in and um it was like a call in line, like kind of like a love line type of thing, quote unquote.

01:26:14.64
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:26:15.35
Bill
But the guy, one of the DJs was calling, his name was Dick Love.

01:26:19.08
Mike
Nice.

01:26:19.94
Bill
It's it time for the Dick Love hour They do this. It was fucking hilarious. It just did that, but that's how they, that's how they would talk. Like you were just talking and it just reminded me of it. Coincidentally enough, because they are, they're doing their radiothons. So.

01:26:31.88
Mike
nice

01:26:32.93
Bill
All right, man. So other than that, you know what? Have a wonderful time seeing Michael Moore tomorrow.

01:26:37.66
Mike
It's Mike Monroe, but all right.

01:26:41.01
Bill
just had to get one more little bit bit fucking with you. That's all.

01:26:43.92
Mike
Uh-huh.

01:26:44.60
Bill
And then, I don't know. I guess we'll we'll talk soon. I love you, brother. I love you.

01:26:47.81
Mike
I love you, too.

01:26:49.19
Bill
like We will talk soon.

01:26:50.81
Mike
We shall.

01:26:51.88
Bill
All righty. Bye.

01:26:53.13
Mike
Bye.